


Made of Gold

by Whorever



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bert annie and reiner are all children, Drug Use, Erwin has PTSD, Farlan and Jean are siblings, Gen, Jean is the most irresponsible-responsible caretaker, Levi is asexual as hell, M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Physical Abuse, This isnt so much a JeanMarco story as it is a story that contains JeanMarco
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-09-06 15:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 69,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8757499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whorever/pseuds/Whorever
Summary: A car accident left Jean's mother dead and his brother missing. With all of the police focused on the current scandal with the mayor, it didnt seem like anyone was searching for Farlan. Jean needs him found especially since there's no way he can manage taking care of his three kids in the mean time.He didnt plan on a one night stand with a freckled stranger to help him find out what he needed to know.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> -shimmies away from readers of my other fics- Do not worry this fic is like 91% complete so it will definitely be finished I swear.

_“--investigation continues on with the police_ _releasing new evidence that shows the mayor may have been involved in more than just money laundering. While there isn’t anything available to prove Mayor Bodt’s direct connection with the investigation, the police have currently unveiled a series of text messages sent from the Mayor’s phone that mention numerous locations where the laundering is suspected to have taken place. The police have chosen to withhold information on their suspicion of other illegal activities Mayor Bodt could be involved with due to lack of incriminating evidence. They state that their investigation will be on going until they find any further evidence to convict the mayor.”_

The information on the news flickered on and off of an old and tuned out TV. The story that dripped from the newscasters lips fell on deaf ears in the home of a run down shack.

  
The sound of the tv was quickly replaced with the wailing of an infant, her hunger pushing her to scream for attention. The small and broken home was littered in a mix of empty beer cans, baby bottles and miscellaneous toddler toys. There was old floral wallpaper that had been ripped off of most of it’s surfaces surrounding the living area. One of the few places that it hadn’t completely fallen off of, Jean was currently cornered against, hands gripping tightly to the ones that were currently at his throat. He wasn’t being choked, he was being pinned. With his malnourished and weak arms, he didn’t have any hope of peeling off the pair that were locked onto him.

  
“YOU DON’T FUCKIN TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, YOU HEAR ME?”

  
How couldn’t he with the man screaming against his ear? He shook Jean, alcohol twisted in his breath, and with drew a hand from him. Jean knew better than to be relieved at the loss of tension on his neck, instead jolting one of his own hands up to try and give himself some kind of defense towards the series of punches and smacks he was soon to receive.

  
It didn’t feel like it helped much.

  
“YOU THINK YOU’RE HOT SHIT CAUSE YOUR BROTHERS NOT HERE ANYMORE?” His words were slurred, but the alcohol unfortunately didn’t make the mans hits any weaker. “YOU THINK CAUSE YOUR MOM’S NOT HERE TO PUNISH YOU ANYMORE, I CAN’T?”

  
“-don’t fucking talk about her like shes ANYTHING like you!” Jean snapped back. He never learned to hold back his tongue, regardless of how many beatings he had to endure. The words seemed to have sobered up his father for just a split second. He shut up then, clearly still livid at Jean for what ever reason he made up in his head. He gave Jean a hard shove into the wall and then switched his anger to something else.

  
“Shut her the fuck up!” He yelled towards the baby locked in her infant carrier, her wails now having progressed into screams. His father turned away from him them, swiping up his abandoned beer can off of the damaged side table and falling back onto his spot on the couch, mumbling to himself about missed shows.

  
Jean wanted to carry himself to his bedroom and collapse on his bed then, let his now busted lip, burning throat and sore arms and face rest, but he couldn’t. Instead he turned towards the tiny and cluttered kitchen, opening up the old white fridge and grabbing the last pre-made bottle he had in there. He winced a bit as he pulled his arm back to counter level and heated up the bottle in the microwave, having done this enough times to know when it would be the right temperature.  
It never stopped him from double checking.

  
Jean set the bottle down for just a moment as he reached towards the infant carrier that the baby was currently confined to. He undid her restraints and pulled her out, the crying making the headache he now had pulse in pain. Jean ignored it, hushing her as he snatched the bottle off the counter and brought it towards her. “Shh, shh...” He hummed, rocking the blond baby girl in his arms. “It’s okay now, Annie.”

  
Jean headed towards his bedroom, careful as he cracked the door open. It was cramped, just like the rest of the house but it was still partly his space. Jean’s bed was jammed into the corner of the room, Annie’s crib pressed right up against it. He didn’t have the room for any kind of dresser, a simple nightstand pushed in the opposite corner of the bed. The room would’ve looked a lot more emptier if it hadn’t been littered in clothes, crayons and paper covered in scribbled drawings.

  
He closed his door and slid down the side of it. His room was probably the size of some people’s closet.

  
Annie was quiet now, all of her attention focused on the bottle her tiny hands were clutching to. Jean’s eyes snapped to a flick of movement near his bed, and then he spoke to it in a hushed tone. “It’s alright, it’s just me.”

  
After a moment, two small bodies soon emerged out from under his bed, and Jean’s heart hurt more than his new bruises did when he saw them. The older of the two was currently holding hands with the other boy, his blond hair short and nearly buzzed, his eyes blown wide in fear. The younger one had his one free hand currently wiping at his face clearly trying to force himself to stop crying.

  
Jean would’ve held his arms open towards them, but with him currently feeding Annie, all he could do was nod his head in a command that told them he was safe to approach.

  
The blond one didn’t budge at first, eyes staring at Jean’s face. “You’re bleeding.” He stated.

  
“I’m fine.”

  
“You’re _bleeding_.” He repeated, like Jean didn’t quite understand what he meant.

  
“C’mere.” Jean continued to ignore his observation and watched as the two both dashed towards him then. They knew better than to jump on him, especially not with Annie in his arms.

  
The dark haired boy buried his face into Jean’s side, crying. “Bert, it’s okay.” Jean cooed, lifting his elbow up enough for him to snuggle into his side. The blond boy slumped onto Jean’s opposite side, hazel eyes staring at Annie.

  
“I wish she could stop cryin when we want her to.” The blond commented, suggesting that he assumed her wails were the reason behind Jean’s new cut lip.

  
“Reiner, don’t blame her.” Jean pulled the bottle from Annie’s mouth, shifting her upright and towards his shoulder. He held her there for a moment, patting her back as he did so. “It’s not her fault.”

  
Reiner just made a grunt sort of noise.

  
Jean neglected the bottle of formula on the ground and with his left side freed up, Bertholdt managed to worm his way through it and onto his lap.

  
“I wish he would just died.” Bertholdt mumbled into Jean’s shirts between sniffles.

Jean moved his hand from Annie’s back and ran his fingers through the boy’s hair. Any normal parent would’ve gawked at Bert for saying that but he didn’t even address it.

Instead he sat there with the three kids surrounding him and stared forward.

  
Reiner was four, Bertholdt had just turned three and Annie wasn’t even a year old yet.

  
None of them were his kids.

  
“Come on,” Jean patted Bert’s shoulder lightly and nudged his elbow at Reiner. “Let’s get to bed.”

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to give a big heads up to people; there's gonna be some serious violence later on in this fic. There is also a scene much later that is an attempted rape scene. I didn't want to tag that since its a very small part but I will warn you. Ill add a warning to the chapter it is present in as well of course. I hope you all enjoy!

“So the guys says “but i ordered the veggietable soup! This don’t have any veggietables!” Jean hummed at Reiner’s pause, ignoring the blond’s mispronunciation and letting him continue with his joke. Annie was sleeping soundly in her carrier that was hanging off of Jean’s left forearm, while Bertholdt was clutching onto his right hand, and Reiner finally holding onto Bertholdt’s as they trudged through the depths of downtown “and then the lady goes ‘that’s what makes it so special, duh!”

  
Jean huffed the slightest hint of a laugh and when he did, Reiner’s face lit up in pride.

  
“I don’t get it...” Bertholdt mumbled from his side.

  
“You’re not old enough to get it, dummy.” Reiner boasted.

  
Jean’s eyes remained forward, his shoulder cramping from the long walk with Annie and her carrier on his arm. “Don’t call your brother dumb.” He commented, coming to a halt with the string of kids shadowing his stop.

  
Bertholdt ignored Jean’s defense and decided to come up with one himself. “You’re not that much older than me you know.” He mumbled as a car whisked past them. “I’m three now.”

  
“I’m still older.” Reiner pointed out, his voice much louder than his younger brother’s. “And I’m taller than you so _pbbbllt_ \--!” Reiner blew a raspberry at Bertholdt, the younger sibling looking more offended by that then being called dumb.

  
Jean yanked on his hand, giving the two one quick look that they both knew meant that whatever it was they were doing, they had to stop. Bertholdt jogged for a moment to keep up with Jean’s immediate quick walk.

  
“Papa-” Bertholdt huffed, trying to decide whether or not he should just run to keep up with him. Reiner seemed to have been having the same problem, but his wasn’t as much noticeable, his longer legs giving him a bit of advantage over Bert.

  
Jean ignored him, his eyes preoccupied with getting across the long city intersection unharmed. Reiner and Bertholdt soon went from being on Jean’s right, to being behind him, Bertholdt’s hand clutching on tightly to the giant one that held his. Reiner did the same to Bertholdt, soon finding themselves swimming through a traffic of people.

  
It happened sometimes, the city was big and lively, so of course there’d be groups of people from time to time. Bertholdt wouldn’t ever understand it, and he didn’t need to. He just knew that he hated when it happened.

“Papa-!” He called again.

  
Jean still didn’t answer, even though he heard him. He moved through the crowd with his face forward, ignoring the onslaught of looks he was receiving from complete strangers.

  
A twenty year old with three kids hanging off of him and a beat up and bruised face never really screamed much of the fatherly type, so he couldn’t say he blamed the strangers for assuming the worst.

  
“Papaaaaa!!” Bertholdt whined. At least with Bert calling to him like that, people would know Jean hadn’t kidnapped them.

  
“We’re almost there.” Jean finally responded, tugging a bit harder forward. He assumed Bert had to pee. He always had to pee.

  
“Papa my feet hurt.” He groaned.

  
_My everything hurts_.

  
Jean let out a breath, at least slowing his pace down a bit. “We’re really close Bert. If Reiner can do it, so can you.”

  
Bertholdt’s face dropped downward, as if he’d just been scolded. Reiner took a look at him and then spoke up himself.

  
“Papa my feet hurt too.”

  
“Fucking christ-” Jean cursed, slowing to a stop now. He moved them to the side, out of the way of the traffic of people and stared down at the two. He knew the walk was a long one, especially for someone with such short legs, but that didn’t stop him from being irritated. He took in a deep breath. “I can’t carry both of you.”

  
The two boys exchanged looks before Bertholdt’s eyes went to the ground and Reiner’s went up to his father figure. “Can you carry Bertl? I can keep walking.”

  
“Who’s hand are you gonna hold?” Jean pointed out.

  
Reiner thought for a moment then shrugged. “I’ll hold your shirt.”

  
Jean sighed in defeat. Reiner was too smart for his age, that was for sure.

  
Jean gave himself a minute to prepare for the added weight of Bertholdt, not wanting to think about how much his arm currently hurt from the rough assault yesterday. He knelt down, immediately finding Bertholdt reaching out towards him and he scooped the boy up, letting him rest against his side. His arm acted as a seat for Bertholdt, the boy leaning into Jean’s chest. He did what he could not to wince at the sore pain that rushed through his arm.

  
At least Bertholdt was light.

* * *

 

By the time they arrived at their destination, Bertholdt had passed out in his arms, leaving only one of the three kids awake.

  
Reiner did as he said he would and held onto the hem of Jean’s shirt the entire way there, but he let go as soon as he knew they were near a familiar doorstep.

  
If Jean didn’t have his hands completely full, he would’ve lunged for the doorbell the second he was within reach. Instead, he turned his eyes down to the blond beside him and with that one look, Reiner seemed to understand.

  
He reached his small hand out towards the doorbell, having to stand on his tip-toes to reach it. A moment later, a light flicked on behind the blurred window of the door, then it swung open.

  
Hazel met green and an almost surprised look from the man who answered the door.

  
“...Your face.” Was the first thing Jean was greeted with. Which sadly was more common of a greeting than he’d like to admit.

  
“Yeah.” Was all he said as he started to shed the weight off of him, handing his carrier with Annie in it first.

  
Annie was taken in careful, tan hands and then passed off towards a third body that took her with no question. The woman peeked her head around the entry way, her mouth dropping just slightly.

  
“Mikasa,” Jean greeted, wanting to sigh in relief at the freed weight.

  
“Your face.” She stated, repeating what her roommate had said a moment ago.

  
“ _Yeah_.” Jean almost hissed, his eyes locked onto hers. Mikasa looked away, deciding to occupy herself with taking Annie inside properly.

  
Jean then slowly moved Bertholdt from his spot on his shoulder, in hopes of not waking him but he wasn’t successful. Bertholdt woke up with a start, clutching onto Jean’s shirt, clearly not wanting to be removed from his spot. “Hey, hey.” Jean cooed, reaching up to grab his small hand. “We’re at Eren’s now, it’s time to go inside.” Bertholdt relaxed, his sleepy body moving along with the switch, nestling right up against Eren’s chest the same way he had on Jeans as he was switched over.

  
Eren looked down at Reiner, who was staring up at Jean, waiting for his form of goodbye. He wasn’t asleep, so he couldn’t be passed off like his siblings were.

  
“Go on and get inside.” Jean stated, definitely not giving Reiner the goodbye he had hoped for.

  
The blond waited a moment, wondering if maybe Jean had just forgot.

  
Eren took one look at Reiner and then turned his eyes back to Jean. There was nothing but worry written all over his features, raking his eyes through the beat up image in front of him. In any other circumstance, he’d have called Jean out on his shitty attempt to act like what happened wasn’t a big deal. But standing in front of what were technically his kids, he couldn’t.

  
“You look thinner.” Eren pointed out, but was only met with daggers.

  
“Yeah.” That one word some how screamed ‘fuck off’ to Eren with each time he said it.

  
“Eat with us.”

  
“Can’t.” It still rang ‘fuck off’ in Eren’s ears.

  
“Take some food with you then.”

  
“ _Can’t_.” Jean emphasized, eyes threatening Eren to take it a step further.

  
The brunette sighed, knowing defeat when he saw it. “At least say goodbye.”

  
To that, Jean took a look at Reiner, staring at the expression he knew was only to get lonelier the second Jean turned on his heel and left. “Watch your siblings while I’m gone, okay?”

  
Reiner instantly piped up to that and nodded. “When will you be back?”

  
Jean shrugged. If he could have it his way, he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t ever come back and take these kids from such a warming place and back into the freezing shit hole he refused to call home. “Whenever you want me to come back.” Jean commented.

  
“Okay,” Reiner paused, thinking of a time to give him. “Can you come back tonight?”

  
“Not tonight.” Jean shook his head, watching the disappointment engrave itself into Reiner’s face.

  
“Tomorrow?”

  
“Tomorrow’s good.” Jean decided. Eren wanted to smile, but he couldn’t when he knew regardless of wherever Jean went tonight, he wasn’t going to be safe. Reiner gave Jean’s thighs a quick hug and then finally ran inside, his voice calling out to Mikasa as if he just blended right into that house.

  
“Tomorrow?” Eren repeated.

  
“Tomorrow’s fine, right? Your mom won’t mind?” Jean questioned. Eren stared at him.

  
“You know if my mom had it her way, she’d never let them leave.” His tone came out as if to draw a laugh from one of them, but neither smiled. “I’m worried about whether or not you’ll be able to get here tomorrow.”

  
“I told him tomorrow, so I’ll be here tomorrow.” Jean hissed, trying to threaten Eren away from the topic of conversation he was choosing.

  
Eren didn’t say anything. He held sleeping Bertholdt in his arms as he tried to identify just what bruises were new on Jean’s face and what ones had been there the last time he dropped the kids off.

  
“Jean..” Eren paused, trying to decide whether he should leave things as they were, or try and say something. “These kids.. You know they worry that you’re not going to show up back here every time you drop them off...” Jean rolled his eyes, checking himself out of the conversation. “With your mom gone and Farlan missing, they really-” Eren didn’t get to finish. The second the word ‘mom’ left his lips, Jean turned on his heel and stormed off.

  
Eren let out a sigh, watching him leave. He wasn’t the best at trying to offer words of comfort and advice, but Jean was the absolute worst at receiving any.

* * *

 

Jean tried not to let his heart feel empty at the lack of kids no longer swarming him, but he reminded himself just how much he needed this break. It was the same speech he gave himself every time he dropped them off.

  
He needed a break from taking care of them, and a break from being anywhere near his home right now. He wanted a break from himself more than anything. Whether he was going to get high out of his mind or fucked out of his mind, he hadn’t decided.

  
He just knew to head through Trost and back towards Shiganshina, where shit happened and no one cared about it.

  
He had a particular bar in mind, choosing this specific one because of the amount of easy ass and lack of ID checks that happened frequently. There was a third reason that Jean chose not to mull over, but with the way he carried himself through the shadier route, he’d hoped deep down that maybe some lunatic would come bouncing around the corner and blow his brains out.

  
Jean entered the bar easily, the man sitting near the entrance having gotten to know Jean so well over the past year, that he didn’t even bother much of an acknowledgment.

There weren’t many people inside, the majority of them off to the side playing a game of pool, or sitting at the round tables. A few were scattered along the bar, staring up at the TV’s to catch a repeat of sports, or down into their empty glasses, thinking about god knows what.

  
Still, there were enough there to find someone or something to do.

  
He recognized some of the people in there already and chose to stay away from them. He didn’t do repeats, that just invited them into his life and that wasn’t something he ever let happen.

  
Jean headed towards the bar, and was soon greeted by the bartender working. “Jean.”

She greeted, her short and wavy hair dangling around her face.

  
“Hitch.” He waved slightly, taking in a hiss with the bit of pain that shot up his arm. He knew Hitch had noticed, but all she did was raise an eyebrow at him.

  
“I hope the other guy looks worse than you do.” She commented, pulling a glass up and setting it down in front of Jean.

  
“I can’t pay.” He replied with, ignoring her first comment.

  
“Thanks for the warning, now I get to give you the cheap shit.” Hitch didn’t grab the cheap shit. She mixed something for him in the cup she set down and then nudged it towards him.

  
“Did you poison it at least?” He questioned as he lifted the cup to his lips.

  
“Isn’t that basically what alcohol is?” She put the ingredients to the drink aside and watched as Jean drank it.

  
He only flinched due to the cut on his lip.

“That’s strong.” He coughed afterwards. “Good, but strong.”

  
“That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.” She smirked.

  
They fell into silence for a brief moment, Jean looking around the bar for some kind of direction to take his night. Hitch seemed to be following his eyes, calculating the same thing and hoping to guide it one way or another depending on what it was.

  
The group of young adults playing pool were all pot heads for sure and Jean knew he could easily get in with them and get himself at least a hit or two, but that also meant socializing more than he wanted to so he quickly ruled that out.

  
A shady man in the corner caught eyes with Jean and nodded. Hard drugs, that much was clear and with Hitch boring holes into his skull-- also ruled out.

  
A group of dressed up clubbing girls were huddled around their drinks at a round table, talking just loud enough for Jean to know one of them wanted to get over her ex, and he mulled over whether or not he felt like working through her friends to get to her.

  
Then his eyes slid down the bar, examining the people that littered it. Closest to him was the typical old man that definitely had a drinking problem, but did everything he could to make it just appear like social drinking.

Two seats beside him were two heavier set men watching the game on the TV above them and making low whoops whenever something exciting happened.

  
Jean doubted either were interested in dick.

  
He moved over the only girl at the bar that was flirting with the one cook on duty and his eyes landed on a guy at the end of the bar.

  
The first thing Jean took into account were the empty shot glasses scattered in front of him. This piqued his interest oddly enough.

  
Next was the bored look on his face, his eyes staring forward at the rows of bottled alcohol in front of him. Jean recognized that look, and he let his eyes linger a moment longer on him before turning back to Hitch and taking another sip of his drink. He nodded towards the man at the end of the bar and Hitch followed his direction. A shit eating grin sprawled across her face. “I fucking knew you’d pick him.”

  
“Yeah? Then you should know what you think by now, eh?”

  
The smile dropped a bit from her face, eyes still staring at the man as he tilted the glass in his hands back, then let it linger in front of him. “Idunno...”

  
Jean raised an eyebrow up at her. That was new. “What do you mean you don’t know? Is he gay or not?”

  
“He’s either straight as hell, or totally gay, I can’t pick which one.” Hitch commented. She fanned her hand in the air between them. “That’s not the thing though. I’m pretty sure he wants to be left alone, Jean.”

  
Jean smirked, throwing back the rest of his drink and then glancing back at the bored looking man on the other end of the bar. The man blinked, but continued to stare forward. “That,” Jean turned to Hitch, handing his glass over to her. “Is the face of someone just waiting for something to happen to him.”

  
“And you think that something is gonna be you?”

  
“Give me ten minutes and if the two of us haven’t slipped out of here, I’ll pay for my drink.” Hitch’s eyebrows went up in surprise. “Unless he’s straight. The bet doesn’t count if he’s straight.” Jean added on afterwards.

  
She took a glance at the man at the end of the bar, then back to Jean and smirked. “Sir you have yourself a deal.”

  
Jean smiled, giving himself a moment to let the tad bit of alcohol in his system give him the confidence he needed. He pushed away from his stool and slipped towards where the man sat.

  
Jean was young, but he learned very quickly how to highlight his looks. He didn’t have a cute , puppy appearance, his features were thin and lustful- he came off more like a fox. Sharp, intuitive and definitely shady as fuck. (Although Eren would argue him to be more of a horse.) He knew this and it only took a few tries to know he had a higher chance of scoring when he acted more like the animal people treated him as in the beginning. He wasn’t looking for love, so the fox road was the best for him.

  
He worried for a split second he might’ve laid it on too strong from the way the man’s eyes widened slightly as he approached but he was instantly reminded of the bruises he used for makeup.

  
Jean didn’t let himself slip up because of that though. He leaned against the bar, slightly over the man, but not enough to be in his personal space. Sitting down meant he was there to stay, and he needed to make that painfully clear right off the bat that he wasn’t. “Hey there, freckles.”

* * *

 

Jean told Hitch ten minutes. It took him three.

  
Three minutes and he had the freckled stranger bent over with his hands clasped along the ceramic sink in the single stall bathroom of the bar. The door was locked but with the way the mirror in front of them had been graffiti’d to shit, who knew if it even actually locked correctly. Freckles wasn’t as drunk as he tried to let off to be, but Jean was quick about calling him out on that. It took just the teasing of dick sucking from Jean before freckles admitted to a high tolerance and let the bruised man have his way with him.

  
“- _Ah_ \--!”Freckles moaned, his head dropping against his hand as he rode along with Jean’s thrusts. There was nothing romantic whatsoever about what they were doing. There weren’t any light kisses or gentle touches. Everything was rough, and fast, a million signals flying through the air between the two that screamed“I’m using you” and Jean fucking loved it.

  
He didn’t think about his dad, he didn’t think about the sore and stinging lip he had, or the black eye or blotches of bruises that covered his arms. He didn’t think about the way Eren stared at him with such pity in his eyes it made his stomach twist with disgust, or the way Reiner looked like his entire world was going to fall apart if Jean didn’t make the light promise that he’d be back tomorrow. He didn’t think about the way that Bert clutched to him so tightly before he was passed off to Eren.

  
He definitely didn’t think about the words Eren had tried to slip out as he left.

  
_With your mom gone and Farlan missing_ -

  
Jean threw his hips so fucking hard forward that it knocked Freckles’ grip off the sink and nearly sent his head smashing against the side of it. Freckles caught himself by slamming a flat palm against the graffiti covered mirror, letting out a moan so loud, Jean was sure Hitch could hear it back at the bar. Something about that thought put a smirk on his face.

  
“Fuck, freckles.” Jean breathed, taking a fist full of his hair and yanking him upright, his back against Jean’s chest and his neck now exposed for Jean’s liking.

  
Freckles definitely liked having his hair pulled, a smile decorating his swollen lips when he was forced straight by it. That or he really liked being called Freckles. Jean didn’t care, not when he got to throw himself so roughly into him like this. His mouth latched onto the nape of Freckles’ neck, bringing a bit of skin between his teeth and nipping at it.

  
Freckles let out a low hum of a moan to that, his hand reaching up to Jean’s head and pressing him harder against his skin. So he liked biting too then?

  
Jean obliged to the wordless command and bit at him, his fingers releasing their grip on the stranger’s hair and slipping down towards the man’s clearly neglected and erect dick.

  
He wished there was a better place than a disgusting bathroom to fuck this guy, the two of them obviously not wanting to touch any of the surfaces in here for fear of some unknown disease and the like.

  
God if Jean could just throw this man on his back, he’d absolutely destroy the poor bastard if he let him.

  
He didn’t tease the man with slow strokes or light touches, Jean just went straight in for the kill, pumping Freckles’ cock the same way he’d watch the man do it to himself in the beginning. He threw himself into the man with a thrust full of anger and frustration, and that was all it took for the stranger. Jean watched as the muscles throughout this man’s body clenched together, and he was sure he could see the universe he’d just sent Freckles to. “Ah-! _Ah-_ -” His hand shot down and gripped Jean’s arm so tightly, the pain almost took him away from the pleasure that rumbled through his body.

  
He ignored it as best he could, instead watching the way Freckles tried to escape the pleasure by lifting his body upward and throwing his head over Jean’s shoulder. “Keep going! Fuck, right there!” He basically squealed it, and fuck if that didn’t make Jean try harder.

  
He wasn’t really holding back in the first place, but if there were any bars up, he completely tore them down and did exactly as Freckles asked.

  
Freckles came, and Jean could feel it as he stroked his orgasm through, his cock swelling up with each pulse that tore it’s way through Freckle’s body. If the stranger hadn’t decided to throw a condom on for fear of their dirty surroundings, his shit would be all over the bottom of the sink then.

  
The man went almost limp against Jean, taking in a few deep breaths before leaning forward and gripping onto the sink again. At least he wasn’t a selfish fuck, that was a surprise.

  
He was definitely too spent to do much more work then just standing there and taking it, but that was pretty much all Jean needed at that point. His hands found there way on the strangers hips, gripping them and doing what he could to hurry his orgasm along. It took maybe a minute more before Jean peaked and when he did, he completely froze his movements, letting out low moans against the man’s back. His nails dug into Freckles’ hips, and Jean knew those were going to leave marks. He threw a couple more, light thrusts into Freckles and with a deep breath, pulled out.

  
They were quiet as they dealt with their after glow and filled condoms, the huffing between them making the silence a little less awkward then it could’ve been.

  
“You okay?”

  
Jean flinched at the genuine concern laced in the man’s voice, and he hesitated to answer.

“After a fuck like that?” He smirked, tucking his dick away and fixing his pants.

  
“You’re bleeding, is what I mean.” The man corrected, taking his time to make himself look proper. “Your face.”

  
Jean’s tongue dipped out of his mouth and over the large cut that ran down his busted lip. Sure enough, he tasted blood. There was a huge irritation that flowed through him, ready to punch a wall, but he instead found himself flinching backward when he noticed a hand with a wetted napkin coming towards him.

  
“Sorry- Should’ve asked first.” Freckles mumbled. “It’s about to drip into your mouth though.”

  
“What?”

  
“Your nose?”

  
Jean brought his fingers to the tips of his nostrils and found blood coat his finger tips.

Freckles leaned in for a second time, much more cautious now and Jean did what he could to control the flinching he felt take over him.

  
Then the napkin was pushed delicately against his nose and Jean quickly snatched it away from Freckles.

  
“You can leave now.” Jean snapped, instead of offering the thanks he should’ve. Freckles looked shocked, his eyes wide. He stared for a moment, like he was trying to figure out if Jean really meant that, but after a moment he smiled. It made Jean’s entire body shake with nausea. It was a completely genuine and honest smile but there wasn’t a single fucking thing Jean trusted in it.

  
Freckles turned, washed his hands in the sink, and then left the bathroom.

  
Jean counted down the seconds before deciding to leave after him, keeping the bloodied tissue pressed against his nose. He pulled it away a couple times to check if it was still running and each time it was.

  
Jean’s eyes immediately shot for the door, watching the last bit of Freckles leave. Then he turned to Hitch and saw her staring after him, jaw dropped and eyes spaced.

  
He raised an eyebrow and approached her.  
“He....” Hitch mumbled, now turning away from the door and looking down at her hand. “He tipped me...”

  
Jean glanced down, meeting a crumpled hundred in Hitch’s palm. “What the fuck?” He spat.

  
“Jean, what did you do to him-” She finally decided to look up and catch his face, but when she did, her shocked aura faded instantly and was replaced with a shrill laughter. “Oh-oh my god--hahaha--Jean you look-” Hitch put a hand over her mouth as she snorted. Jean rolled his eyes. “You look like-- like a fucking anime-” To further prove her point, she did a hand motion of blood blasting out of her nose.

  
“Fucking Christ..” He groaned.

  
“What happened? Was his dick that good?” She teased after she’d calmed down.

  
“No.” Then Jean thought about that. “Well I mean..” He shook his head. “I don’t know why I’m bleeding, maybe his head hit my nose at one point or something...” He pulled the cloth away and looked at the blood that had soaked it.

  
“Or...” Hitch started, her tone missing the teasing it just had. “Maybe someone else hit it too hard...recently..”

  
“Maybe.” Jean ignored where she was going with that. He wasn’t going to let her try and push her way through and he shot her down in the same style he’d done with Eren.

  
She let out a sigh, her eyes lingering on Jean before she reached below her and made him another drink. With the tip she got, he might as well have paid for his drinks


	3. Chapter 3

Jean ended up passed out drunk in the back of Hitch’s car, waking up only twice to vomit out the door of it. When he woke up the next morning, it took him more than a few minutes to piece everything together.

  
He recognized Hitch’s car, but it took him too much thinking to figure out where she had parked it.

  
Obviously it was in the parking lot of her apartment complex, the place that made the most sense. His head was pounding too hard for him to really fully understand. His joints were sore, and his throat hurt. He imagined it was due to any vomiting he might’ve done.

  
Speaking of.

  
Jean slapped a hand towards the handle of the door, opening up the Toyota SUV and trying to army crawl his way out of the back seat.

  
When he got to his feet outside of the car, he only made it towards the hood before leaning down and hurling whatever might have still been in his stomach.

  
He was so hungover.

  
Jean wished he owned a phone just for the simple purpose of checking the time. The sun was up and shining, but there weren’t many people out. Maybe it wasn’t the late afternoon then.

  
He decided to skip figuring that out and remembered Eren’s face while he stood at the doorstep with Bertholdt in his arms.

  
“Fuck...” He groaned to himself, his throat dry and mouth feeling like cotton. If Hitch had been trying to make him feel better, she could’ve used a method that didn’t involve such a mess to deal with afterward.

  
Jean tried to take a step forward and swayed a bit. Either his head wasn’t balanced right or he might have still been drunk from the previous night. He really should’ve taken care of himself first but he was too stubborn to.

  
Instead he made his way towards Eren’s house.

* * *

 

It took him much longer to get there than it should’ve, Jean taking it slow for fear of upsetting his swaying stomach. When he finally got back to his own home, he’d have to stuff his face with some bread.

  
If they had any.

  
Jean was just as slow with his knocking as he was with his walking. He took in deep breaths through his nose in an attempt to settle his stomach, but it barely worked.

  
There was a burst of noise after the doorbell rang, tiny feet running through the house and Reiner and Bert’s voice distinctly shouting in unison “Papa!! Papa’s here!!”

  
Dear lord they were going to be a lot to deal with while suffering through a hangover.

  
Jean expected to be met with Eren, and for a moment thought he had. He was surprised then to see that instead of the short ruffled brunette hair he was expecting, it was long and tidy, worked into a lazy ponytail and dangling over a shoulder. “Jean! Oh my dear-”

  
“Mrs. Jaeger.” He tried to sound polite but his voice betrayed him, coming out as more of a groan.

  
“Carla, it’s just Carla...” She stepped to the side and held the door open, inviting the hungover man inside.

  
“Oh no, I can just wait out here.” Jean instantly rejected.

  
Carla rolled her eyes. “Honey don’t put this fight on me.” Her voice was threatening, but harmless at the same time. “Eren’ll be a moment with Annie. I’ll get you some water while you wait.”

  
He wanted to argue with her, but it was different rejecting a mother compared to rejecting Eren. With slumped shoulders, Jean stepped inside.

  
He’d been inside Eren’s house before, the doorway entry stretching into a hallway that held four openings along side it. To his immediate left was the staircase leading upstairs, and on his right lead to a dinning room. Taking his shoes off and stepping through, the hallway revealed a bathroom door on the right further down, and then ended into an opening, revealing the kitchen off to the far left, the living room directly in front of him, and a laundry room that took some searching to find behind the bathroom.

  
The hallway had pictures and decorations strewn all along it, none of them really matching with one another, but it was more welcoming that way. Jean wondered if pictures might make his home feel more welcoming.

  
He doubted it.

  
Carla directed him towards the couch while she headed into the kitchen. He kept looking around the home, staring at all the small knick-knacks that littered any form of shelving there was until Carla came back.

  
She extended her reach towards Jean, offering the glass of water. He took it and slowly sipped at it, trying to make sure he didn’t drink it too fast and force himself to vomit.

  
If Eren was dealing with Annie, then Mikasa must have been handling Reiner and Bertholdt upstairs with getting their belongings.

  
He expected Eren’s mom to turn on her foot and go back to doing whatever mom stuff she had to do, but she took a seat next to Jean on the couch instead. Her eyes were latched onto his face, her features carrying that typical worried mother look.

  
“Did you go out drinking last night?” She asked. Jean’s heart clenched in his chest, not ready to handle such a familiar motherly tone that he no longer got to hear at home. He didn’t trust his voice to respond so he just shrugged. “I just want to know so I don’t have to worry about you having a concussion.”

  
Jean sighed. “...Yeah.” It was just a mumble but it invited Carla in for more information, something Jean hadn’t ever done with anyone except his own Mom. Must’ve been a Mother skill that he didn’t know about. Eren did used to always tease him for being a ‘momma’s boy’.

  
She watched the way his mouth moved, silence taking over the space between them.

Carla pushed the water towards him. “Drink up. I’ll make you some of those instant noodle packs if you’ll be here long enough. The sodium in that will help you with the hangover.”

  
“No thank you.” Jean slipped in between sipping his water. It tasted like heaven to him, and the noodles sounded like a step above that. He would’ve loved to stay and eat but all that’d do is remind him of everything that he failed to deliver back at home.

  
Carla was ready to protest but the sound of quiet feet dropping down the stairs stopped her.

  
“Papa! Papa! Papa!” Jean turned his head towards the stairs, hearing Bertholdt before he saw his tiny figure come bolting towards him. He took in a deep breath, trying to brace himself for the impact, but his whole body shook in protest when Bertholdt crashed into him. “I drawed a picture! Eren played a game with us and there was a monster in it that was super cool and I drawed him.” Bertholdt went digging into the small bag he had strapped over his shoulders. “See?” He pulled it out, Jean looking at the scribbles that sort of resembled a monster? Maybe? “His name is blue and that’s you on his back.”

  
Jean didn’t see it. Maybe if he saw the monster, he might have been able to make something out. “I like it.” Jean replied and watched as a smile stretched across Bertholdt’s face. A minute later, Reiner twisted down the stairs and ran for the spot Jean sat. He threw his small and limber body onto the couch, giggling as he nearly crashed into Jean’s side.

  
Jean tried not to groan, his head hurting worse already just looking at the amount of energy the two had. Reiner clearly didn’t notice. “Bert wet the bed last night!!” He tattled immediately, a huge grin on his face.

  
“REINER!” Bertholdt whined at him, clearly embarrassed by it. “I didn’t! Nu-uh!”

  
“You did too!” Reiner shouted back. “You’re not supposed to lie, lying is bad.”

  
“I’m not lying!” Bertholdt’s cheeks were red, and if his history of night time accidents was anything to go off of, Jean knew he was.

  
“Are too!”

  
“Are not!”

  
“Are too!!”

  
“Are not-!”

  
“-Okay, okay, we’re not starting that.” Jean cut in, a hand going right for his aching temple. “Reiner stop making fun of Bert.. And Bert stop....” He paused a moment trying to think of something. “..Stop...just stop arguing.”

  
Bertholdt took that as a victory.

  
Carla smiled during the whole transaction, appreciating the scene in front of her. She looked at Jean and then turned to the two children and then purposely put Jean in a spot.

  
“You two want to help me finish up lunch for you guys?”

  
All three heads turned to her, but she very easily ignored the adult staring at her.

  
“We really don’t have ti-” Jean was cut off by the two kids hoping to their feet.

  
“Yeah! I wanna help!!” Reiner made a run towards the kitchen.

  
“Reiner you’re just gonna eat it all!” Bertholdt hollered after him, just as quickly making a dash towards the kitchen.

  
Carla smiled, sending a knowing look at Jean. Jean knew she did it on purpose but he wasn’t about to call her out on it. She let the boys run off without her for a minute, looking for the right thing to say to the boy that sat next to her. “You know I can tell you haven’t eaten in a while.”

  
“Mm.” Jean made a barely audible noise, taking another sip of his water.

  
“How long has it been?” She asked.

  
He just shrugged, doing what he could to get the conversation to stop.

  
“Is that a shrug because you don’t remember or you don’t want to tell me?”

  
“Both?” Jean replied.

  
“Jean...” Carla’s voice was soft and so welcoming. For a moment, Jean could imagine that being his own mom’s voice. “Dear you can’t.... You’ve got to eat something. What’s wrong? Do you not have enough food? I can send you home with food-”

  
“-Dad’ll eat it. If he doesn’t then the kids get it.” Jean cut her off. “If there’s ever anything left then I’ll eat it.”

  
Carla’s heart dropped as she let out a sigh. “Then let me send you home with enough food for all of you.”

  
Jean deadpanned at her. They both knew that wouldn’t work. His dad would eat, and the kids would eat, and Jean would maybe nibble. He’d nibble and do what he could to stretch the food as long as possible to make sure the kids had more filling meals that week.

  
There was a crash noise from the kitchen and both Carla and Jean shot up.

  
Then they heard Reiner’s voice carry through to the living room. “Now look what you did, doo-doo head!” Followed by Bertholdt’s helpless whine he did when he needed an adult.

  
The pair looked a bit more relieved. Carla put her hand gently on Jean’s shoulder, noticing the way he flinched as she did. “I’ll get it sweetie, you just sit here and drink your water.”

  
He didn’t bother with arguing her on that, the sudden jump making his head throb harder and his muscles groan in protest. The walk home was going to be the absolute worst.

  
Carla disappeared into the kitchen and was quickly replaced by Mikasa. She might’ve been there that entire time, Jean didn’t know.

“Hey.” Jean greeted.

  
She didn’t take the seat next to him, but decided to lean against the wall. “Mom got you to come inside?”

  
Jean would’ve rolled his eyes if it didn’t hurt so much. Mikasa might’ve had the faintest hint of a smile on her face. “You know they have programs..” She started. “Like, food programs.. Assistance for people with kids.”

  
“I know.”

  
“I’m trying to tell you to sign up for it.” Mikasa went straight to the point, deciding not to deal with things the way Jean always did.

  
“I don’t need to.” Jean replied, and then added as an after thought. “Farlan’ll be back soon.”

  
Mikasa caught it. “But what if he’s not?”

  
“He will be.” Jean didn’t even acknowledge the possibility that his brother wouldn’t come home.

  
“...” She didn’t want to have this argument with him. “Well... I think you should still get it... And if Farlan does come back, then you can just get off of it.” She watched, waiting for some kind of reaction out of the poor beaten boy on the couch, but didn’t get one. Mikasa sighed, brushing her hair out of her face. “It’ll be so much better for you guys. You’ll get help with food, no doubt, but you can also get money to help with their upkeep. I mean, you’ve got Annie’s diapers and formula to deal with already but then there’s Bert and Reiner’s clothes that they’re-”

  
“Mikasa, stop.” Jean interrupted her, almost wanting to smack her. Like he hadn’t thought of all that. “I can’t.”

  
She bit at her bottom lip, eyes turning to the ground. “You always say that.”

  
“Because I can’t!” He retorted. “I don’t have enough proof of identity to even apply.” Jean started. “Even if I did, I still wouldn’t because they have to interview you and if I do anything wrong in that interview then the custody of the children gets put up for question and I can’t lose them Mikasa.”

  
Her eyes were still on the floor. She’d read up whatever she could find about getting government assistance in preparation for this conversation, but she didn’t think Jean would have any excuse good enough to turn it down.

  
“I can’t lose his kids while he’s gone. I can’t let him come home to that.”

  
She wished there was a way to even put in the possibility that Farlan wouldn’t be home in Jean’s head, but she knew it’d fall on deaf ears. “How long do you think it’s supposed to take a couple of kids to adjust to who their papa is?” Bertholdt and Reiner already accepted that Farlan was gone. It didn’t take more than a month for them to decide that Jean was no longer Uncle (Or Unkee as they liked to pronounce it.) but now Papa. Why was it so easy for them to, but borderline impossible for Jean to even consider it?

  
Jean was ready to spit a retort at her but the two were both interrupted when the last missing pieces of both their families stepped in. “ ‘Kasa, quit it.” Eren sighed, Annie cradled in his arms looking freshly cleaned.

  
Her blue eyes danced around the room wildly but they stopped when she noticed Jean on the couch. She started making noises then, wiggling her arms and legs around in Eren’s hold as if to free herself.

  
Jean’s heart twisted with how familiar his face was to her already. Mikasa shot him a look that shouted “See?” at him, but he did everything he could to ignore it.

  
Eren moved to pass Annie off to Jean, and he took her carefully into his arms. “You look like shit.” The brunette commented. He must’ve smelled alcohol on Jean as he pulled away, his face scrunching in disgust. “You hungover?”

  
“Extremely...” Jean groaned, leaning back into the couch and sitting Annie onto his lap. She clapped and giggled at him.

  
“...Only hungover...?”

  
“For fuck’s sake what is with the lot of you today?” Jean snapped. It seemed like everyone in that household was prepared to give him a lecture of some form. He made a note to remind himself of that the next time he thought about stepping inside the house again. Eren and Mikasa stared down at him still waiting for a response. “Yes! I’m only hungover. All I did was have some drinks with Hitch, God damn...”

  
“Hitch?” Mikasa questioned. She didn’t recognize the name, but Eren seemed to have.

  
“She’s the bar tender.” Eren explained. “She’s fine, she’d probably rather have her eyes gouged out then sleep with Jean.”

  
Jean took Annie’s small hands into his, moving her arms around like she were a puppet as she giggled and laughed at him as he did so. He ignored the obvious bait Eren laid out for him.

  
Usually he’d fall right for it, but his words brought to memory the man he’d bent over in the bathroom before he let Hitch get him drunk. Maybe the alcohol he had in his system at the time made him remember it being better than it actually was. How could sex with a stranger in a bar bathroom be anything more than just good?

  
If Annie wasn’t currently sitting on his lap, the memory might’ve stirred something in him.

  
“You guys have absolutely no faith in me, do you?” The question was supposed to sound like a joke, but the infliction just didn’t happen with his voice.

  
Eren and Mikasa exchanged a look. “It’s not that...” Mikasa started, but she was never the one to be any good with words, especially with Jean.

  
Eren wasn’t much better, but he knew how to deal with things Jean’s way. “Are you fucking kidding me? Of course we don’t.” He made a hand motion down towards him. “You’ve barely been sober for more than a few months now since your last relapse and if it weren’t for your goddamn uncle, I’d have called Protective Services on your ass from the beginning.”

  
Mikasa looked between the two, worried that Eren had completely crossed the line.

  
Jean didn’t have anything planned to say but if he did, he didn’t get the chance to. “Papa what’s soper?” Bertholdt had snuck his way into the room, undetected by any of the three adults around him. He was rather good at that.

  
“Normal.” Jean replied with. Annie’s bubbly laughter stopped for a moment, staring at her father figure in anticipation for something else. His eyes moved towards Bertholdt, seeing a bit of food smeared on his cheek.

  
“And repaps?” He rubbed his cheek, spreading the food further across his skin.

  
“Did you eat?” Jean danced around the question, something much easier to do with kids than with adults. A movement of his somehow managed to start Annie’s laughter all over again, her hands flailing up and down as she bounced for his attention.  
Bertholdt shook his head. “Nu-uh, Eren’s mama said to come get everyones.”

  
The room went quiet and all eyes fell onto Jean. He knew why Mikasa and Eren were staring, watching him like a hawk to see what he’d do. Bert and Annie were just kids, so of course they were going to stare. That’s all kids did.

  
God was he tired of having eyes on him.

  
“Let’s go eat then.”

* * *

 

With food in his stomach and his hangover almost gone, Jean loaded up the kids in his arms and made his way back to his house.

Reiner and Bertholdt had a million stories to talk about, rambling on and on until Jean swore his head was going to fall off.

  
He noticed the second they made their way into their neighborhood that the two of them instantly stopped talking and Bertholdt’s grip on his hand had increased significantly. He mentioned his feet hurting all of a sudden, but Jean knew he couldn’t manage carrying Bertholdt the rest of the way home.

  
Jean’s eyes fell upon the crappy little shack house they all shared and his heart sank. He wished he could’ve just set the place on fire and walked away. There wasn’t a good memory he had here and he doubted he could ever make any.

  
As they approached the door, Reiner and Bertholdt ducked behind Jean, trying to hide from what could’ve been inside.

  
Jean creaked the door open, stepping in quietly and looking around. It smelled like sour milk and alcohol. He pulled the three kids with him all inside, glancing over to the couch and then down the hall.

  
His dad wasn’t home.

  
His motions relaxed instantly, setting Annie down and letting go of Bertholdt’s hand. “It’s okay, he’s not home.”

  
“Is he gone forever?” Reiner piped up.

  
Jean shook his head. The longest his dad had ever ran off had been two weeks and a couple days, but he still came back. He always came back, much to all their disappointment. “No, he’ll be back.”

  
“Darn..”

  
Jean turned to Annie then, unlatching the chest restraints on her and pulling her out of the infant seat. “I’m gonna put her down. You two will be alright if I take a nap, right?”

  
The two looked at each other and nodded. At Eren’s house, he wouldn’t have believed that, but here? The pair of children were probably too scared to do anything that could’ve possibly upset the monster they had to live with.

  
Jean trusted them.

  
He headed down the hallway with Annie in his arms and set her small body into the crib that rested so close to his bed. She was being awfully quiet today and Jean could only hope that it’d continue. After setting her down, he flopped onto his bed, fully intending on sleeping the rest of his hangover off.

* * *

 

He woke up to soft touches on his chest, something small pushing down on him and trying to rock him. His brain didn’t acknowledge it at first, but after a moment, he snapped himself awake. His eyes were met with darkness, the only bit of light in his room coming from the light in the hallway. “-hm? What?” He half yawned, trying to figure out what woke him up.

  
“Papa?” Reiner.

  
“Hm?” Jean turned on his side, tucking his pillow up under his neck. He could’ve fallen right back to sleep then.

  
“We’re hungry.”

  
“What time is it?”

  
Bertholdt spoke up that time. “Nine eleventeen.”

  
“Nine.. Ele...Mm.” That was late. A lot later than he intended to sleep, that was for sure. Usually now was when he started watching to see when to put Annie down for the night.

Jean bolted straight up then. “--Shit.” He hissed. He forgot about Annie.

Rubbing at his eyes, Jean immediately moved for the crib, reaching down and now noticing that she was asleep. “Do you know when she fell asleep?” He asked, picking her up carefully.

  
Reiner shrugged.

  
“Is Dad home?”

  
“No.”

  
“Alright... Let’s get you guys some food.”

Jean headed out towards the kitchen, balancing Annie in one bundled arm and using his free hand to roam through their low food supply.

  
No milk, expired eggs, no bread, and nothing he could cook without any of those ingredients.

  
Jean started looking through cupboards, trying to think of something he could throw together with what he had. The closest he could think of was buttered noodles, but he didn’t even have the butter to make that. Bert and Reiner stood at the entrance of the kitchen, watching him. They seemed to already know the answer to the situation, the frustration on Jean’s face giving them enough clue.

  
Jean checked the pantry way for a third time, wondering if he could make a meal pop up if he searched hard enough. He finally let out a sigh in defeat, turning to the two boys that were slowly starting to grin at him. “C’mon, get your shoes on.”

  
They bolted towards the door quickly. “We get to go to the store!”

  
“Yes!” Reiner cheered along with him.

  
Jean reached into his pocket and pulled out his neglected wallet. He already knew how much he had before even looking inside.

  
Twenty three dollars.

  
He had enough for the absolute minimum and he had to make that stretch until his uncle restocked him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready for Levi? ٩(●˙▿˙●)۶…⋆ฺ

It was three days past the shopping trip and his dad still hadn’t been home. Jean moved around the living room, cleaning up the much neglected house for the first time in a while.

He had his hopes that his dad wouldn’t come home, his life getting just a bit easier with each day he stayed away. His split lip had gotten smaller, and any swelling he had in his face was completely gone. Some of his bruises were in their yellowing stage even.

  
The TV was on and currently playing the news, Jean’s ears listening for any keywords to fall from the newscaster’s mouth.

  
“ _In our Main Story today, Police not made any updates on the Money Laundering Scandal, keeping any evidence they have unreleased. The Mayor has yet to open up to any questions and claims to have no involvement with the scandal. The text messages that were on his phone-”_

  
Jean tuned the rest out. Of course the Mayor was all the news had to talk about. It wasn’t a reliable source of information so much as a gossip table. Nothing had been mentioned about his Mother, or missing brother and as each day went by, Jean didn’t think it ever would be.

  
He let out a sigh, pulling the vacuum out from it’s place in the closet and setting it up to vacuum the living area.

 

By the time he’d finished cleaning what he could for the day, the sun had already set. He ended his cleaning tasks by finishing off the last load of laundry, the entire house beginning to pick up a better scent. It helped not having beer cans every where but Jean couldn’t lie that leaving Annie’s unfinished bottles of milk had been a huge contributor.

  
Bert and Reiner were currently bothering Annie in her infant seat, making faces and funny noises at her and laughing when she’d do something silly in return. Jean peeked in on them more often than not, worried every time they suddenly went quiet.

  
After stepping away from the dryer, Jean headed towards the kitchen, pulling out one of the two boxes of Mac and cheese from his store stop a few days ago. He couldn’t eat those instant pancakes another day in a row, and he was sure Bert and Reiner would appreciate that.

  
Jean started the water to boil and then headed towards the living room to sit with the kids. They’d been a lot more lax with each day his dad stayed away. It gave Jean a lot of time to think, and one of the things he continually thought about was that maybe he _could_ get used to this if his dad would just stay away.

  
Not that he’d ever willingly chose this life.

He’d pass the kids off to Farlan the second that man walked through the door, and then proceed to verbally abuse the shit out of him for dropping off the face of the earth. Then he’d probably offer a truce, and agree to babysit the three if need be.

  
“What’re you doing to your sis?” Jean asked it as a joke and then immediately gasped. “ _What_ are you doing to your sister-Oh my god...” He wanted to be mad but when the three pairs of eyes looked up at him, he started to laugh.

  
They were covered in colored marker, each of them having drawn designs on each other.

Bertholdt had a lot of scribbles on his cheek and Reiner had some symbol from a show Jean barely recognized drawn on his forehead.

  
Annie was an absolute mess. Most of her neck had been colored in with a green marker, while her arm had scribbles of what were maybe animals in blue.

  
Annie immediately started to laugh a hiccupy kind of laugh and rocked her arms up and down so fiercely, the carrier rocked with her.

  
“I wish I had a camera right now..” He mumbled, more to himself than to the three in front of him.

  
“I drew a dragon!” Bert perked up, pointing out a design in blue on Annie.

  
“I was turning her into a goblin.” Reiner added and Jean could not for the life of him get the energy to be mad at them.

  
“You guys.” He started, bringing a hand to his forehead. “You’re in trouble for this, okay?”

  
“What?” Bert mumbled it and Reiner pouted.

  
“Why?” The blond questioned.

  
“Because-” He didn’t know where to begin. “Because you can’t _draw_ all over your sister. She’s just a baby, that stuff could be bad for her.”

  
“But its non tot-tic.” Reiner pointed out. Tot-tic being toddler language for toxic.

  
“That doesn’t mean it’s completely safe.” Jean forgot how hard it was to argue with Reiner. The blond was too sharp to let just a statement stop what he wanted to do. He moved in between them and scooped Annie up, cooing at her as she wiggled around happily in his arms. “What did they do to you, hm?” She just burbled towards him, saliva running over her mouth. He turned to look at Bertholdt and Reiner and just shook his head. “You two get to wait on dinner now. Go wash up. You’re not eating until all that marker’s off.”

  
“Awwwhh..” They both groaned in unison, but Jean stepped away from it. He took Annie towards the sink, using a storage bin stuffed with some washcloths for a makeshift bathtub for Annie. He kept his eye on the boiling water on the stove while he stripped Annie and started cleaning her of the marker.

  
Maybe she really liked the marker on her, or maybe she just hated being in the bathtub, but part way through the bath, she started to cry. She probably could’ve used a nap around now too, but he doubted that was what set her off.

  
“Annie, c’mon you were doing so good.” He complained to himself, using a soft cloth to lightly dab at the markings on her face. This only made her cry harder, but she didn’t reach her wailing point. Jean sped up his process with cleaning her up and then finally brought her out of the water and dried her off.

  
By the time he had her powdered and in a diaper, the water was boiling rapidly, and Annie was still crying. Jean bounced her in his arm and hushed at her, but nothing was working to shut her up. He barely managed to get the box of macaroni open with his one free hand and after dumping the noodles into the water, he turned away from the stove to put her down.

  
“What is it? Are you hungry, hm?” Her cry shot up a pitch higher to that before coming back down to her standard cry. “Tired? You’re never tired around now, what is it?” Jean bounced her in his arms, making his way towards his room. Her cries grew louder, her tiny hands curled into little balls and thrown about against Jean’s chest. He stepped into his room, Bertholdt and Reiner across the hall making a huge mess while trying to clean off.

  
Reiner groaned loudly. “Stop crying Annie!”

  
Bertholdt took his hands and covered them over his ears, nodding his head in agreement with the blond.

  
Jean tilted forward towards the crib, lying Annie down in it and looking her over as her face turned red. “If this is payback for them drawing on you, leave me out of it.” She didn’t seem to find his comment funny.

  
After being satisfied with Annie’s placement in the crib, Jean left her to tire herself out. He headed back towards the kitchen, with Reiner and Bertholdt on his heels. “Why is she even crying about?” Reiner questioned. “She cries as much as Bert does.”

  
“Hey I don’t cry that much..” Bertholdt pouted.

  
“She’s a baby, that’s her thing.” Jean stepped near the stove, grabbing a cracked wooden spoon and stirring the noodles together. In the time it took to put Annie down, they’d already managed to clump and stick together. He tried to stir them loose as much as he could. “They shit. They eat. They cry constantly, and then they sleep. You two did it too.”

  
“Reiner probably shitted his-self the most.” Bertholdt giggled and then the blond gasped.

  
“You said a _swore_ word!” He pointed.

  
Bertholdt immediately slapped his hands to his mouth. “No I didn’t! Papa said it!”

  
Jean sighed, making a mental note to at least _try_ and not cuss so much around the kids. “You can’t say shit, Bert.” The boy’s big green eyes turned to meet his, the edges starting to water as he realized he did something bad. “Just say poop next time, okay? Or crap.”

  
“O-okay.” Bert sniffled, most likely about to start crying. “I’m sorry papa.”

  
“It’s fine.” Jean shrugged, doing what he could to make Bert understand that he wasn’t in trouble. “I personally don’t give a flying fuck if you swear or not. Just don’t do it outside of this house.”

  
“Can I swore then!?” Reiner jumped.

  
“Sure,” Jean clicked the knob on the stove off and moved the pot to drain in the sink.

  
“ _Shit_ ,” Reiner barely breathed the word and when he did, his hands went to his mouth, surprised that it came from his lips.

  
Bert’s almost-crying-fit had stopped, giggling now at his brother as they exchanged looks. It was his turn to try a new word, but he hesitated. “.... _damn_.”

  
Reiner busted into a laugh and Jean couldn’t quite remember cussing ever being so exhilarating like it was for those two in that moment.

  
He ignored them as they mispronounced other cuss words, Annie’s crying still wailing off in the background. The noise between the three kids kept any of them from hearing the door open, but the sound of keys sent Reiner and Bertholdt into silence.

  
“Ya really gonna let them fuckin’ talk like that?” Jean had been mixing the cheese into the noodles when the voice reached his ears.

His entire mood dropped like a bag of bricks.

  
His dad was home. Why did Jean ever get his hopes up that he’d never come home?

  
“Some kind of dad you are.” His dad mumbled, tossing his keys onto the wobbly nightstand that rested by the couch.

  
“Better than you at least.” It wasn’t meant to reach anyone’s ears, but Jean’s voice still carried through to his father.

  
“The fuck you just say?”

  
Jean ignored him. He instead moved to grab some plates down and started shoveling the macaroni onto them, wishing his dad would just drink his beer and pass out on the couch like he always did.

  
“Here, take it in my room and eat.” Jean passed the first plate off to Reiner, the two looking like cornered animals as they tried to fade into the background of the kitchen.

  
“They can sit right there and eat it.” His dad snapped, stepping into the kitchen and moving towards the fridge. He dropped a case of beer in it, ripping the package open and pulling a can out and then shut the door, turning to stare at his son. “That’s what the tables for.”

  
“They don’t want to eat out here.” Jean replied, making up Bertholdt’s plate and passing it to the frail looking boy.

  
“Well fuckin’ make ‘em.” His dad cracked open the beer and took a long drink out of it. “You’re spoiling them rotten, lettin’ em do whatever the damn well they please.”

  
Jean snorted. “Yeah, cause suffering through this _bullshit_ is spoiled.”

  
“Poor boys can be spoiled too.” His dad fired back. “Look’it how you turned out.”

  
Jean wanted to laugh at him. Yeah okay, maybe two years out of his entire life he might’ve been something _close_ to spoiled, but that was anything near what this was.

This life he had to deal with right now was fucking hell, and it was hilarious his dad could even joke about it being spoiled, let alone actually believe it.

  
Bertholdt and Reiner exchanged looks before the blond finally moved. He reached up towards the table, having to stand on his tip toes to slide his plate safely up. Bertholdt followed suit, and the two climbed up the chairs and sat at the table with their food.

  
Jean clenched his jaw tight, trying not to be mad about the decision they made. It wasn’t about them so much as it was about the smug look on his dad’s face when they obeyed him over Jean.

  
Annie’s crying was the only sound in the house for a moment, his dad staring at Jean, and Jean staring at the noodles in front of him. Bertholdt and Reiner hadn’t touched their food yet, their heads tilted downward.

  
Then his dad let out a huff. “You look just like Eleanor...” He mumbled, chasing his words with his beer and leaving the kitchen, the name hanging in the air.

  
Jean thought he misheard. He thought his father said something else, maybe something insulting to him, but no. He compared him to his mother. Her name pushed a sharp, twisting pain in his chest and he swore for a moment he could hear her voice from right beside him.

  
_My boy, My sweet, sweet boy_.

  
He could hear the aching in her words, the faintest hint of her origins hidden in the crevices of her tone.

  
_Where did he go_?

  
His lip was quivering, his eyes trimmed with the threat of tears. Why did she have to leave? Why couldn’t it have been his dad instead of her?

  
He shook his head, forcing the painful thoughts out of his mind and scooping the little bit of left over macaroni onto a plate.

Jean took the plate to the table and sat with Bertholdt and Reiner, noticing that they didn’t dare touch their plate until he was there with them.

* * *

 

Jean had a lot of dreams that night. He dreamed of his mother, dressed in her messy button up blouse and worn out and faded jeans. Her hair was tied up in a pony tail, but it was messy and the strands poked out all over the place. The wrinkles by her eyes were much more defined than he last remembered and her cheeks sunk in just bit more than they should have.

  
“ _Mon Garçon_ ,” Her voice was soft and warm, as if she knew just how to mimic the sun. “ _Ne pleure pas_...” Her hands brushed along his cheek, her fingers so cold and her skin close to the texture of leather. “ _Bataille_.”

  
She faded away then, taking all of the warmth and safety with her. Where he stood suddenly felt like the ground was sinking, his feet wobbling against the floor. Hands snaked around his waist then, vaguely familiar but completely foreign all at the same time.

  
“ _You heard her_.” The voice trickled down the back of his neck. The strangers hands slipped along Jean’s arms, finding his fingers and pulling them up to place something in his grasp. “ _Stand_.” The freckles that dusted the man’s arms dazed Jean as he stared down into his hand.

  
He knew what it was without having to look, the cold weight that was clipped to it like a price tag told him right off the bat.

  
Suddenly there were eyes on him.

Everywhere he had eyes on him.

Eren’s, Mikasa’s, Carla’s, his uncle’s and his father’s, they were all staring at him. Judging and waiting. What would he do? Was he going to use again?

  
Freckle’s hands slipped away from his and met there place at his hips, his fingers dancing along the edge of his pants. “ _What’re you waiting for? Aren’t you going to use it_?” He could feel his lips press against the back of his neck, before they opened and heat flared out against his skin.

  
It suddenly got warm.

  
Warm and wet.

  
Why were his thighs getting wet?

  
Jean woke up with a jolt, escaping the slowly progressing nightmare and coming back to reality.

  
He looked down at himself, Reiner curled up near his chest and Bertholdt resting his head against his waist. Both were asleep. All Jean had to do was slip his hand down towards the sheets near Bert to confirm his suspicions, and when he did, he let out a long sigh.

  
It was a good thing he did the laundry that day.

 

  
Jean took all of about twenty minutes to get Reiner and Bertholdt changed and the sheets switched. He threw the soiled ones in the wash, Reiner passing out before he could get in any time to make fun of his brother.

  
Bertholdt wanted to sleep on the floor after that. He was embarrassed and crying, apologizing over and over again for waking Jean up.

  
“I-- I didn’t know I was-- _sob_ \--peein’.” He choked out, wiping at his eyes.

  
Jean pulled his hands away from his face and brought a wet towel to it. “Shh, it’s alright.” He patted Bert’s hair out of his eyes. “You know there’s still some kids your age in diapers?”

  
Bert’s hiccuping slowed down to that. “Really?”

  
“Mhmm.” Jean hummed. “Their mom’s and dad’s still have to change them like I do with Annie.”

  
“Eww.” Bertl giggled to that, sniffling with it. “That’s a lot of poopy.”

  
“Yeah, I know.” Jean wiped the cloth over Bert’s nose. “I’d much rather you wet the bed then poop your pants for me.”

  
“Okay papa..” He mumbled, clearly still feeling bad about it.

  
Jean tossed the rag up on the counter of the bathroom sink, leaving his future self to deal with that. He scooped Bert up and then set him on top of the cracked ceramic. “How about this,” He started, taking a moment to think. “Right before we go to bed, I want you to try as hard as you can to use the bathroom beforehand.”

  
“But I don’t have to go peepee then.”

  
“That’s okay.” Jean smiled at him. “You can just sit there for a little bit, and if you don’t go, then you don’t go. I just want you to try, okay?”

  
“...” Bertholdt wiped his face again and then after a moment nodded. “Okay.”

  
“Alright.. Let’s get you back to bed.” He lifted Bertholdt into his arms and then brought him back into his room. Jean tucked him in closer to the wall, not wanting him to roll off the open edge. It was one of the reasons he had Annie’s crib pressed up against it, but the crib didn’t stretch along the length of the bed.

  
“Papa you’re not gonna go night night?” Bert asked when he noticed Jean leaving.

  
“Mm.” He shook his head. “There’s something I have to do first, okay?”

  
Bert just stared at him. Jean took his silence as the okay to leave and turned towards the door. “Papa wait!”

  
“Hm?” Jean hummed turning back towards him as he stood in the doorway.

  
“Can I go?”

  
“No, not this time.” He replied. “You need to sleep.”

  
“But I’m not tired no more.” The weight in his voice told Jean otherwise.

  
“Yes you are.” He chuckled. “Go to sleep before you wake up Annie.”

  
“Papa!” Jean took in a deep breath. He didn’t think it’d be so hard to slip away. His eyes turned back to Bert’s, waiting for him. The boy twisted his fingers in the blanket that was tucked up to his chest, his eyes falling downward. He mumbled something but Jean didn’t catch it.

  
“What was that?”

  
“I don’t want you to leave too.”

  
“...” He didn’t have anything to say to that. Jean opened his mouth and then closed it.

He never talked to Reiner or Bertholdt about what happened to Farlan. He didn’t even know if they understood what happened. To them, he must’ve just never came back one day. It was no wonder the two were so worked up whenever Jean left them. “I’ll be back.” And with that he snuck out the door, closing it behind him.

  
His dad was passed out on the couch again, the tv providing a blue flashing hue to the room as the late night infomercials played. Jean’s footsteps were quiet as he moved passed him and slipped out the front door.

* * *

 

He ended up at his neighbors place, knowing full well that Samuel was awake at this time.

The guy was a total night owl, and with being Jean’s former drug dealer, he knew that was when he did his business.

  
“Hey man,” Sam greeted when he opened the door. “You comin’ for another hit?”

  
“Yeah sure, I want the best that forty-seven cents can buy me.” Jean’s voice was thick with sarcasm. He was surprised Sam even offered it to him so easily.

  
“I see you’ve been doing well.” Sam stepped aside to let Jean in. “I could always spot you, ya know? If you need it that badly.”

  
Jean shot him a look. “Sam, I think you’re the first person that hasn’t been scared shitless by my uncle.” If it weren’t for Jean’s uncle, he probably would’ve jumped on Sam’s offer instantly. Jean had gotten over the withdrawal months ago, but it didn’t stop him from remembering and _craving_ the experience.

  
“Hey man, I just wanted to help you out, let you know the offer’s there.” Samuel shrugged then, moving towards his couch and plopping down. “Besides, your uncles like, three hours away and he’s got no power in this district.”

  
“You’re a moron.” Jean stood awkwardly near the living area that Sam went to. “But look, I just came to use your phone. Gotta call someone.”

  
“At three in the morning?”

  
“Clearly I don’t have courtesy.” Jean stated indicating how he’d stopped by here.

  
“Are you gonna call your uncle?” Sam asked, lifting a bong up off the floor and bringing it to his lap.

  
“What’s it matter?”

  
“I don’t know, the fact that he’s a cop, I’m a drug dealer, he’ll have my phone number-” Sam cut himself off to light the bong, leaning down to take in a large lung full of smoke. “-Don’t feel the best about that.”

  
“What happened to him having no power here?” Jean laughed. “Besides, don’t you use burn phones?”

  
Samuel let out the lung full of smoke and then giggled. “Oh yeah, I do.”

  
“Fucking. Moron.” Jean emphasized to which Sam just continued to laugh at him. The man took another hit and then finally moved towards the further ends of the house. When he reemerged, he tossed an old flip phone at Jean. “It’s got about 100 minutes on it. Just toss it when you use it up.”

  
“Thanks.” It’s the same thing that Sam did for him the last time he asked to borrow a phone. He could’ve easily just have given Jean his own phone for a quick dial, but instead he sent him home with something that was good for quick emergency calls.

  
Sam fist bumped his shoulder and then went back to the couch. “Want a smoke?” He offered, and as much as Jean was dying to have something to destroy his mind, he declined.

  
“Kids.” Was the only thing he needed to say.

At least Sam knew not to push.

  
“Well.. A cigarette at least?”

  
Jean perked up to that. “Now that I will take.” He hadn’t had one in what felt like months. If he was smart, he should’ve turned that down like the other offers, but who could get mad at him for picking a cigarette out of the three? “You want my forty seven cents for this?”

  
“Get the fuck outta here.” Same laughed, sending him off with the cigarette and phone.

 

Jean sat on the step to his front door, doing what he could to make the cigarette last as long as possible. He dialed the number that he knew so well and brought the phone to his ear, breathing in the tobacco.

  
“ _Hello_?”

  
Man, that sounded too nice to be his uncle. “Uh... Hey, it’s Jean.”

  
_“Oh--shit one second_.” There was the sound of some ruffling and then the loud noise of a police siren blaring off once as a warning. “ _Go home already god damn_.” A bit more of miscellaneous noises traveled through the speaker before Jean finally heard the sound of a door shutting. “ _Still there_?”

  
“Yeah, you sound like you’re having a fun night.”

  
“ _Fucking hell I am_.” That sounded more like his uncle. “ _There’s nothing but drunk college kids out. It’s like they got nothing better to do than to fuck around with old people.”_

  
“That sounds pretty accurate.” Jean snickered.

  
He expected a witty retort from the other line but instead received a sigh. There was a long pause. “ _Who’s phone you calling from_?”

  
“Neighbors.” Jean pulled the cigarette away from his lips after taking another puff, holding the smoke in a minute. He didn’t want to express how comforting it felt to have something in his system.

  
“...” His uncle went quiet again. “ _Are you smoking_?” He finally asked.

  
“The fuck? Can you smell it from all the way out in Stohess?”

  
“ _I can tell from the way you were just breathing_.”

  
“You’re terrifying.” Jean knew what his uncle was waiting for. He took another puff and then shrugged. “Calm down, it’s just a cigarette.”

  
“ _You’re too pissy for it to have been anything else_.” Jean wished he was with his uncle just for the sole purpose of giving him the biggest teenage angsty eyeroll he could muster.

  
“Fuck off, Levi.” Way to prove his point.

  
His uncle chuckled. “ _Do I have to keep making small talk or can I just cut to the point of why you’re calling me at three in the morning?_ ”

  
Jean sighed trying to put the words together. “....Bert wet the bed.”

  
“.... _And_?”

  
“And...” Yeah he figured Levi wouldn’t have wasted his time on that excuse. “I dreamt about Mom..I don’t really remember what it was but...She was..so fucking cold and dead in it.” Levi clearly didn’t know what to say. Jean just decided to keep going. “And...I got a hold of some stuff in it.. You know what I mean..”

  
“ _Heroin_?”

  
“Yeah.” A tremor ran down his spine hearing that word. “I had it in my hand and everyone was there to watch me.” Suddenly the cigarette in his hand didn’t taste nearly as good as it had a moment ago. They were both quiet. Levi was waiting at that point, wondering if there was more to elaborate on or if that was it. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Didn’t he care about this at all? This was the shit that almost destroyed him. “Sam offered it to me.” He spat out. Why, he wasn’t sure. Especially not after Samuel had voiced his worry with Jean talking to his uncle in the first place. “Didn’t want me to pay for it or anything, just wanted to “spot” me for it.”

  
_“Did you?”_ There was much more tension in his voice now.

  
A part of Jean wanted to tell him yes. Yes I took it and the only way you can get it is if you drive all the way out here yourself and take it. “No. I didn’t.”

  
“ _Then why are you telling me this Jean_?” It wasn’t the response that Jean wanted to hear.

  
“Don’t you care?”

  
_“Of course I fucking care_.” Levi snorted. “ _What? You want me to give you a gold fucking star every time you think about getting a hit?_ ” Jean didn’t say anything and to that Levi sighed. “ _Look.. I’m happy you turned it down. Honest. Thanks for telling me, good job, stay strong and all that other sappy bullshit I know you want to hear from me for some god awful reason_.” He was really bad at being supportive. “ _But.. You don’t have to call me just to tell me you turned it down_.”

  
Jean had conflicted emotions. On one hand, Levi had just given him the most positive slur of support he could probably muster, but on the other hand he’d just as easily dismissed it. There was the sound of jingling on the other line, like dog tags slapping together. “So that’s it?”

  
Levi sighed. “ _Jean, c’mon you know I’m horrible at this shit_ -” He cut off into a groan. “- _Goddammit Mike, you little fucker.”_ He slipped under his breath. There was a bit of shuffling and then Levi was back to the conversation. “ _You don’t have to keep tabs with me, alright? It’s not like I’m counting every single time you think about relapsing and holding it against you. I have faith in you, shit head.”_

  
Jean let out a breath that felt trapped in his lungs. His heart jutted forward, like someone had just yanked on a chain linked to it. That’s what he meant. Levi was so reclusive with people, he didn’t actually understand that Jean was calling for help, not to update him. “That’s not...” He didn’t even know how to begin explaining.

  
Levi decided to change the topic. “ _Are you and the kids gonna be home tomorrow?_ ”

  
“Yeah, probably.”

  
“ _Good. I was planning to come by and drop off groceries. If I’ve got enough time_.” He mumbled something about work and some case. Levi definitely seemed to talk to himself a lot. “ _How’re they doing by the way?”_

  
“Well, Bert’s wetting the bed again, Reiner’s turned into a bit of a smart ass and Annie’s still shittin’ herself.”

  
“ _Angelo_?”

  
He clenched his jaw together tightly. “Still a piece of shit.”

  
Levi went quiet for a moment. “ _Jean, if I come over there and you’re covered in bruises again so help me god I will-_ ”

  
“-No!” Jean cut in. “You can’t arrest him. As shitty as he is, his social security still pays for the bills and there’s absolutely no fucking way I can manage that with out him here.”

  
Levi seemed to contemplate an alternate solution for the boy, but he never voiced it. “ _So he beat you again?_ ”

  
“It looks a lot worse than it actually is-”

  
“- _God fucking dammit_ -”

  
“-It’s not even that bad anymore-” Jean immediately shot towards the defense, but Levi wasn’t having any of it.

  
“- _He’s a fucking dead man_ -”

  
“-I probably did something to deserve it anyway-”

  
The bantering stopped at that. Levi went quiet and Jean went quiet. He thought over the last thing he said and wondered how something like that had slipped past his lips.

After a moment he sighed, knowing that was an opinion he actually stood by as he thought about it. Maybe he was some kind of masochist.

  
Jean did a lot of things wrong in his life. He was the younger brother that got lost in Farlan’s widely successful shadow. Where Farlan found positive outlets, Jean found negative. He was a high school drop out who OD’d on heroin for the first time at age 15. Farlan graduated a year early with a full ride and spent his free time helping those in need. Jean spent his free time drugged out of his mind.

  
“ _Hey_.” Levi’s voice was sharp and stern, something Jean imagined a proper father to sound like. “ _I’d smack the shit out of you if I were there right now_.”

  
“Yeah...” His voice cracked, realizing now that he’d been fighting back crying.

  
“ _You’ve made a lot of mistakes Jean, but that doesn’t mean you deserve a fucking concussion for not knowing how to keep your mouth shut_.” Jean definitely should’ve tried to tone down the remarks when it came to his dad. “ _And if Angelo so much as has a thought cross his mind of putting a hand on those kids, he’s fucking done_.”

  
“Yeah..” Jean’s voice shook heavily that time.

If Levi didn’t notice the first time, he had to of noticed the second time. His mind wasn’t on the conversation, but somewhere else completely. How did Farlan end up in the position he was in? How did Jean end up having to step up and be the older brother for once? How long was Jean going to have to keep up with all of the responsibility he’d been thrown into? _“_ I miss him so much Levi.. I miss mom, I miss him, I want them back.”

  
_“I know_.” That was the most sincere Jean had ever heard Levi. _“I know you do.. And you need them now more than ever, but you can do this without them.”_

  
“I don’t _want_ to do this without them.” Jean interrupted. “I don’t want to do this at all.”

  
Levi’s silence made the line feel like maybe it’d gone dead. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to help Jean or what he could possibly do to make him feel better. His grocery trips were about as much help as he could offer, and that was hard enough to fit into his life already. “... _I’ll be there tomorrow. We can talk more then. Just get some sleep, and make sure you’re home when I get there.”_

  
Jean took in a deep breath, trying to forget that he was ever crying. “Okay.” He choked out. After a moment, Levi said his goodbye and the line went dead. Jean dropped the phone beside him and hugged his knees. He buried his head under his arms and let the night be the only thing to see him start to fall apart.

  
He should’ve taken Samuel up on his offer.

* * *

 

 Jean woke up early the next day, unable to fall back asleep after his phone call with his uncle. All three of the kids were up, Reiner and Bertholdt playing in the back yard while Annie smacked at some dangling toys on the handle of her carrier. He knew it wasn’t good for her muscle development to keep her confined to a carrier all the time, but he didn’t know what to do with her when he couldn’t put all of his attention on her.

  
His father had just woken up. The first thing Angelo did was change the channel and then finish off the beer he’d fallen asleep on. He’d probably be drunk in another hour or so.

  
Jean was trying to continue with his cleaning. It was hard to keep up with the mess Bertholdt and Reiner left behind, but it was worse when he had his father’s to deal with on top of that.

  
There was a steady collection of beer cans piling up and all Jean could think about was how he could maybe get a play pen out of those if he saved them up long enough. He didn’t let the thought grow into fruition, knowing that if he took those cans back, Angelo would attempt to break Jean’s fingers. Maybe the play pen would be something he could ask Levi about.

  
A sharp whistle pulled Jean away from scrubbing the counter top, turning his head to see his dad holding the empty beer can up in the air towards him. “ ‘Nother Beer.”

  
Jean rolled his eyes, throwing the rag down and doing as his dad asked. He had to, especially with Levi coming over. If Angelo decided to jump on Jean and Levi came in to that, or even saw the remains of it, who knew what would happen.

  
Jean slapped the beer can down on the side table, disregarding the hand that was waiting for it. His dad mumbled something under his breath, but Jean ignored it. He went back to his vicious attack on the counter tops, contemplating on whether or not he wanted to make the kids something to eat.

  
He decided against it, figuring he’d rather wait for better food to come. Unless Levi couldn’t get here until later, then he’d definitely have to make something. For now, he waited.

  
Jean tossed the rag into the empty sink, walking around to the sliding door that led to the back yard. He pushed it open and skimmed the back for Bertholdt and Reiner.

When he didn’t see them right away, his heart jumped. “Reiner?” He called out.

  
“Over here papa!” The blond replied.

  
Jean followed the voice, stepping to the side of the house and seeing the two boys sitting on the porch with Sam beside them. He couldn’t help but feel instantly worried about what they might have been doing.

  
Jean called out to them. “Hey, why don’t you two head inside and wash up?” His voice was a lot more threatening than it should’ve sounded. Bert and Reiner looked up at Jean, noticing the tone and instantly obeying it.

  
“Bye Sammie.” Bertholdt waved, carefully climbing down the patio and following Reiner towards their own house.

  
Jean continued walking towards Sam.

  
“Hey man,” Sam greeted, a smile on his face. “Your kids are like, _crazy_ smart dude.”

  
“What the fuck are you doing?” Jean hissed, his voice low just in case the kids were still within ear shot.

  
Sam looked both offended and confused. “...What do you mean? I was trying to show them a magic tri-”

  
“The fuck you were,” He wasn’t as quiet as he had been. “Don’t talk to my kids, you got it?”

  
“Whoa, man chill out,” Sam held his hands up in defense. “You think I’d try and get your kids hooked on some shit? They’re still babies man.”

  
“You gave me heroin for my thirteenth birthday.”

  
“That was different.” Jean only glared at him. Sam just fanned him off. “What ever man. I won’t talk to them. Happy?” He rolled his eyes, making his words sound less genuine. “But you seriously need to mellow the fuck out.”

  
That pissed him off more than it should have. Jean closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. “Yeah, I’ll be sure to work on that.” He turned on his heel and headed back inside.

 

Angelo had shifted in his place, but was still on the couch sipping his beer. Bertholdt and Reiner could be heard from the bathroom, and Annie was making little whines that could barely be heard over the TV.

  
Jean went to her, figuring that is was about time for her to be changed. God was he thankful that Bert and Reiner were potty trained. He needed to get Annie walking and talking sooner rather than later so he didn’t have to deal with the diapers anymore.

  
Jean scooped her out of her seat and headed towards his room. The crib that she had was connected to a changing table with drawers underneath it for the diapers. It was probably the nicest thing in the entire house.

  
He placed Annie down gently on the changing pad, unzipping her onesie and getting her out of it. Her hand went into her mouth, chewing on her knuckles as Jean went about changing her.

  
When it came time to put her onesie back on, he noticed how much tighter it had gotten on her. Instead of making her wear that, Jean just stole one of Reiner’s shirts and threw her in it.

  
Why the hell did kids have to grow so goddamn fast?

  
Annie seemed to love the freedom that the loose shirt provided her, her giggling echoing as she swatted her hands all over the place.

Jean pressed a light kiss to her cheek. She was insanely adorable when she wasn’t crying her eyes out. “You’re gonna have to fight Reiner for his shirt you know.” She laughed as if she understood what he said. “It’s okay, I think you can take him.”

  
Jean rested her on his hip, walking down the hallway and moving towards the kitchen.

Bertholdt and Reiner were hiding out underneath the table, staring holes into Angelo’s head. If the floor wasn’t made of tile, he’d let Annie practice crawling on the floor but that would be absolutely horrible for her knees.

  
“Reiner you wanna hold your sister for a bit?”

  
“No! She’s just gonna cry!” Reiner poked his head out from under the table. “This is our club and you’re not allowed in if you cry.”

  
“I wanna hold her!”

  
“Bert!” Reiner squeaked. “I’m gonna kick you out!”

  
Jean let out a sigh, and walked away from them as they started arguing about what their club meant and other important toddler things. He pulled out a chair and sat down, placing Annie on the table with him.

  
It felt like the moment he got comfortable was when Levi decided to knock on the door.

  
It wasn’t much of a knock as it was an awkward pounding, like he was ramming something into the wood because he didn’t want to touch it with his hands. If Jean knew anything about Levi, he’d probably believe that.

  
He let out a sigh and moved to open the door, taking Annie with him. Bertholdt and Reiner had gone quiet and leaned towards the edges of the table to see their who special guest was.

  
“You didn’t tell me anyone was coming over.” Angelo spat out as Jean walked by.

  
“Right. Well,” Jean readjusted Annie on his hip. “Levi’s coming over.”

  
Angelo’s face dropped into a scowl at the name.

  
Before his dad could slip in a remark, Jean reached for the doorknob, praying that it was actually Levi. As he thought about it, it seemed a little early for Levi to be here. He would’ve just gotten off work after they got off the phone and with a three hour drive between them, Levi would’ve had to come straight from work.

  
That’s exactly what he did apparently. When Jean opened the door, Levi was still in his uniform, dress slacks, a button up and a SPD labeled windbreaker on him. He even still had his badge around his neck and his gun in its holster at his hip.

  
Jean also found out the reason Levi didn’t knock was due to the bags of groceries he had dangling from him hands.

  
“You didn’t sleep?” Jean greeted, stepping aside to let his uncle in. Levi shrugged, heading straight for the kitchen and dropping the load onto the floor.

  
Before he could get in a reply to Jean, Bertholdt and Reiner had climbed out of their hiding spots and jumped for him.

  
“Levy’s here!!”

  
“Levy! Levy! Levy!”

  
“Oh God- _oof!_ ” The two boys had jumped at him so hard that they managed to knock him back a bit. Levi let out a sigh, looking like he had to take a moment to summon his ability to be around children. He knelt down to their height and gave them both a proper hug. “You two are getting so big.”

  
“I grew taller!” Reiner jumped. “I’m a whole three inches taller!”

  
“Me too! I grew too!” Bertholdt smiled.

  
“I can tell,” Levi replied, pulling away from them. “I gotta go get the rest of the groceries ok-”

  
“I wanna help!” Reiner ran off towards the door, running for Levi’s vehicle.

  
Bertholdt stayed in the kitchen, deciding that he was going to help by attempting to put away the groceries that were already there.

  
Levi brought a hand to his head, mumbling to himself. “Mike’s in the car, I hope he’s ready for that.”

  
Jean smiled. “Oh, that’s gonna be fun..” He turned towards the door again, stepping out onto the patio and watching Reiner struggle to climb up the side of Levi’s SUV. “Careful, Reiner!” He called out.

  
The blond only seemed to get more determined. He yanked open the door and then started to climb inside.

  
Levi moved passed Jean, heading up to the back passenger side door that Reiner climbed through. There was a bit of ruffling and then finally the meet with Mike happened.

  
“PUPPY!!” Reiner’s voice carried through to the front porch, Jean shaking his head as he watched Levi reach into the car and pull Reiner out, the blond getting dropped to the ground swiftly. A second later, a German Shepard jumped out from the back, it’s motions fluid and completely controlled. Levi whistled and snapped his fingers in some signal that was only known between the dog and himself and then the dog completely unwound, jumping around Reiner and initiating a play mode. Mike wore a K9 unit harness, and even with how playful he currently looked, he was still really intimidating.

 

It took Levi the one last trip to get all of the groceries in, Bertholdt and Reiner attempting to help put things away, but instead running off to play with the dog. It wasn’t until Levi had freed his arms from the last of the groceries that he even acknowledged the man that was sitting on the couch.

  
“Angelo.” He said it as more of a comment than a greeting.

  
Jean’s dad was even less pleasant, making a sort of grunt noise in response. Levi’s eyes stared on him for a long moment, as if he was trying to strike him down right there and then.

  
Jean cleared his throat, grabbing his attention. “Um.. So..."

  
“Right,” Levi started helping Jean with putting away the groceries, him having to do almost all of it with Jean’s right side restricted by Annie. “I bought Annie some starter foods. I figured she’d be getting to that point sooner rather than later.”

  
“Oh alright.” Jean commented. “I didn’t even think about that.”

  
“Yeah, she’ll be teething soon too. Didn’t think to pick her up something for that though...”

He mumbled the last part as more of an after thought to himself.

  
Jean shrugged. “Thanks for this.. We were getting pretty low.”

  
“I know.” Levi started collecting the plastic bags left over, shoving them into one another. “I wanted to get here sooner than today but work’s been such a fucking mess lately.”

  
Jean’s ears perked up to that. “Yeah?”

  
“Yeah.” He nodded his head towards the tv. “If you’ve had the news on for even a second, you’ll know what I mean.”

  
“Oh, the whole thing with the Mayor?”

  
“Oh yeah. That’s all the department wants us working on.” Once all the bags had been collected, he shoved them under the sink. “They got investigations, Patrol, and some guys from the Bureau on it all the time. Hell, they’ve got my entire department and the shift before me on it too.”

  
“But...” Jean’s voice was low. “You’re still....working on Farlan’s case, right?”

  
Levi stopped for a second. He turned to Jean and stepped towards him, reaching out to take Annie from him. Jean passed her over without hesitation, but kept his eyes locked on him. Levi looked to Annie and bounced her on his hip. He looked like he was contemplating what to say.

  
“We should see how Mike’s handling the kids.” Levi commented, clearly hinting that they should step outside.

  
Jean didn’t like the way his voice sounded. He didn’t like the way he wouldn’t just answer the question. He felt uneasy and he knew he wasn’t going to like the answer Levi gave him.

  
But Levi wasn’t going to give up on Farlan, was he? Levi was Farlan’s best friend, they’d known each other since before Jean could even remember things. Levi wouldn’t let Farlan just drift off into another abandoned missing person’s case.

  
They stepped out into the back, Levi’s eyes staring at Mike as he ran around with a stick that Bertholdt and Reiner were trying desperately to grab. Jean’s eyes were on his uncle, waiting for him to answer the question that was hanging in the air.

  
“It’s gone cold, Jean.”

  
The words were more than what Jean could handle. He didn’t expect it to be that, and as he tried to let what Levi said sink into his system, his face drained of color. He felt light headed all of a sudden, his heart shrinking in on itself. No one was going to be looking for him. No one was going to bring Farlan home. He’d managed to find his way into the pile of dead cases.

  
“No...You can’t.. You’re still going to look for him right?”

  
“...” Levi’s eyes went downward. “They’ve dismissed me from working on the case.”

  
“What?!” Jean shouted. “Because of that fucking Mayor?!”

  
“Jean, there’s a lot more to that case than what the news is saying, we found out some in-”

  
“I don’t give a damn about what you found, I want you to find my brother!” Jean raked his hands through his hair, clawing at it for some outlet. Screaming wasn’t enough. “You have to find Farlan.” His voice was cracking and desperate. Jean looked forward at the two boys who had stopped paying attention to the dog and were now staring at him. He must’ve shouted louder than he meant to. “Levi, I can’t do this. I-I can’t raise three fucking kids, you have to bring him home.”

  
Mike had gone into K9 mode the second Jean’s voice had peaked, his body frozen like a statue as he waited for some signal from Levi. His uncle took in a deep breath, to try and force himself through the worst part of the conversation.

  
“Jean... We stopped...” His words faded out, like he’d run out of them. “We’ve been looking for a body at this point in the case. Or anything that could let us announce him as dead.”

  
Jean dropped. He dropped like a rag doll on to the patio floor, his legs stretched in front of him and his arms limp against his thighs. His mind was blank. He didn’t want to believe what Levi was telling him. “Do...do you know who did it?”

  
Levi didn’t want to answer that.

  
“Was it... Was it the same person that killed Ma?”

  
“Jean, I told you that they ruled her injuries were due to the car crash.” His voice was low.

  
“But you said yourself that it didn’t add up. You said the person who dissected her said it was forced trauma.”

  
Levi shook his head. “Stop. Stop doing this to yourself... I was wrong.” He wasn’t going to say that he still stood by those intuitions. “The car was totaled. She died from the car crash.”

  
“Then where the fuck is Farlan and why wasn’t he dead with her!?”

  
“I don’t know.” Levi knew Farlan and he knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t just abandon his mother the way the evidence laid out for him. His suspicion was that Farlan was injured too, but still had it in him somehow to get out of the car and look for help. Either his wounds were too severe and he bled out somewhere, or he got picked up by the wrong person. Whatever happened, Farlan had been there. His blood was in the seats to prove it, but it was all a matter of where he had gone. It hurt Levi’s head to just mentally go over it. “I don’t know where he is.”

  
Jean didn’t say anything. He just pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them. They both went quiet.

  
Mike had relaxed, but he was no longer engaging any play time with the kids.

Bertholdt and Reiner were both sitting in the dirt, digging small twigs into the ground as they occasionally looked up to their papa, worry etched in their young faces.

  
Annie reached out to grab at the ball chain that held Levi’s badge around his neck. She gripped onto it and threw it up and down, watching as the movement rippled and caused his badge to bounce around. She laughed to it.

  
Levi took a seat next to Jean, moving Annie to his lap as he dug into his breast pocket of his wind breaker. He pulled out an unopened pack of cigarettes and a lighter and passed them to Jean. “Here.” Jean barely poked his head to see what it was. When he saw, he decided that the cigarette was worth more than hiding from the world. “I picked those up for you.. No idea what the fuck you smoke, so I hope it works.”

  
“ S’fine.” He mumbled, tearing the package open and digging one out. He was quick to light it and hated to admit how grateful he was for it then. Jean made sure to hold the cigarette to his side, doing what he could to not the let the smoke blow in Annie’s face. Levi seemed to appreciate that.

  
They sat in silence for a bit, Annie’s light laughter the only noise between them. Jean took his hand and carded it through his hair, blowing out a lung full of smoke as he did so.

“This is so fucked.”

  
“It is.” Levi agreed.

  
“What the fuck do I do? I can’t rely on you for food for forever.”

  
“You can.” He was quick to answer that. “I’m always going to bring you food if you need food, that’s the last thing you need to worry about.”

  
“What if something happens to you? What if you get transferred even further away or you get shot on duty or-”

  
“-Jean, stop.” Levi cut him off. “It’s not going to happen.”

  
“You can’t say that.”

  
“Actually, for this I can.” Levi turned to look at Jean. “I shouldn’t really be telling you this but.. With the Mayor’s case all that we’re focusing on, and with so many different leads and guesses, they’re moving me in as a personal guard for someone.”

  
“You’re going to protect the fucking _mayor_?” Jean snapped.

  
“No, God no.” Levi shook his head, chuckling. “It’s some guy suffering from PTSD. He used to work for the Mayor back when Bodt first got elected, but was fired under some strange circumstances. He came to us with a list of death threats that we’re pretty sure are from the people who’ve been helping launder the money.”

  
“Okay so how’s that supposed to stop you from being killed?” Jean questioned. He was sure it sounded like Levi was in more danger there, then what he previously did.

  
“I’m protecting him Jean. That means if anything happens, my job is to get him out of there, not stay and put up a fight.” Levi pulled Annie’s fingers off his necklace finally, having tired of the movements a long while ago. “Plus I’ve got Mike with me.”

  
“Alright... So,” Jean put his cigarette out on the patio, flicking the bud into the patch of dirt along the side of the house. “You’re moving then.”

  
“I am.”

  
“Where to?”

  
“Trost.”

  
Jean snapped his attention fully to Levi. “ _Here_? You’re moving out here?”

  
Levi nodded. “I’ll be maybe twenty minutes away from this place.”

  
He didn’t believe him. He also didn’t understand what that meant exactly. Levi would be so much closer now, and that would mean he’d be able to bring more food over more frequently. Something in Levi’s expression told Jean there was more.

“What?” Jean questioned. “There’s something else, what is it?”

  
“I’m just thinking..” He stared down at Annie in his arms, bringing a finger to lightly brush the small strands of hair out of her face. “After this case is over, I was going to see about getting transferred out here officially.”

  
“Why? Stohess barely has anything but whiny rich people out there, why would you want to come back here?”

  
“So you could move in, you jack ass.” Levi huffed. “And my first arrest out here can be Angelo.” Jean didn’t think about that. Or think that far ahead. He’d always just went through day by day, but here Levi was, trying to figure out things months ahead. “But that won’t be for a while, so there’s other stuff to worry about.”

  
“Yeah..” Jean mumbled as he tried to let everything sink in. There was too much that Levi was throwing at him in one sitting. Farlan was gone, but now he might have somewhere else to live?

  
“We have to work on getting you an ID. Then signing you up for food stamps and unemployment.”

  
“What?” Jean turned to him. “I can’t do that-”

  
“-Yes you can.” Levi didn’t leave any room for argument. “And you’re going to. I’m going to get a couple days off in between moving out here, so we’re going to take care of it then.”

  
“But what if they want to-”

  
“Shut up.” Levi cut him off. “You’re worrying too much about it. They don’t even drug test for that shit, you’ll be fine.”

  
“How the hell am I going to get an ID?”

  
Levi shrugged. “We’ll figure it out. Eleanor was a pack-rat, she’s got all your shit somewhere.” That meant going through his mom’s belongings, and he wasn’t sure he was ready to do that. “We should probably work on you learning how to drive too, while we’re at it.”

  
“Yeah, sure thing dad.” Levi flinched to the name to which Jean laughed. “What, does that make you uncomfortable?”

  
He let out a breath of air. “Being called uncle is enough to make me want to vomit, but being called dad just makes me feel old.”

  
“Well it is getting about that time for a mid-life crisis..” Levi shot him a death glare. He wasn’t that old. Jean decided to change the topic before his uncle murdered him. “Do you work tonight?”

  
“Yeah, same old graveyard shift.”

  
“Mm.” Jean hummed, resting his chin on his knees.

  
“Why?”

  
“I was hoping that you could stick around for a bit today.” Jean mumbled. “That and I kinda wanted to go out.”

  
“I’m not gonna watch your kids so you can go out and get your dick wet.” Levi started bouncing his knee, holding Annie gently as she giggled. “Why’s she wearing a t-shirt?”

  
“Her clothes aren’t fitting her.” Jean commented. “And I wasn’t going out for that damn.”

  
“So drinking?” Levi inquired, making a mental note to pick up more clothes for Annie if he ever got the chance.

  
Jean shrugged. “Maybe.”

  
“Jean.” Levi turned to him, his tone much more serious. “You are never going to stop relapsing if you keep going to substances to block out everything.”

  
“Ugh,” Jean groaned rolling his eyes. He didn’t need to hear this speech.

  
“Don’t you fucking teenage angst me.” Levi hissed. “This is the same fucking shit you do every time. You relapse, you quit cold turkey, you slowly pick up on smoking here and drinking there and before you know it, you’re back to being an addict.”

  
“I’m not going to relapse again. I thought you had faith in me?” Jean snapped back.

  
Levi narrowed his eyes at him. “If you put a starving person in a room full of food and then tell them you have faith in them that they won’t eat any of it, do you really think they’re not going to touch it?”

  
“So you were lying to me then.”

  
“You are such a fucking teenager.” Levi rolled his eyes and scoffed. “I meant what I said. I know you’re not going to relapse but that’s not going to stop me from worrying when you go to places where that shit’s readily available.”

  
“My neighbor offered it to me for free. I don’t think it’s going to be much easier than that to get.”

  
“That shit isn’t free Jean. He wants you back on it so he can charge you up the ass for it.”

  
Jean sighed and went for a change of topic. “Speaking of up the ass,” He stood from his spot, his knees cracking as he did so. “If you won’t let me get fucked up in the head, can you at least let me have that?”

  
“Gross.” Levi huffed, his lip turned up in disgust at the thought of what he said. The mention of sex always made Levi uncomfortable in some way.

  
“C’mon, you know I’m just going to drop them off at your sister’s once you leave anyway. Like hell I’m going to stick around with Dad home.”

  
Levi stood up then with Annie, staring at him.

“You’re going to be the death of me, I hope you know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This a much longer chapter than the previous ones and I apologize for it. Wasnt very sure on where to end it and just kept going.   
> Since there's already so much of this fix written, ill aim to do weekly updates of it. That way i can hopefully keep up with it as it gets closer to where I left off. Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Levi ended up dropping the kids off at Mikasa’s on his way to work, leaving Jean home to spend his night how he wanted to. Jean kept to his room most of the day, wanting to appreciate the silence. But all the things that Levi told him started to infect his mind, the constant repeat of Farlan’s case consuming him. He was refusing to believe what Levi told him. Farlan wasn’t dead and he was coming home, that was that.

  
Jean slipped out of the house as quietly as he could, avoiding confrontation with his dad. He headed back to the same bar he’d visited last time, hoping that Hitch would be on bar tending duty that night.

  
When he arrived, he headed straight for the bar. He was pleased to see the familiar face behind it, and Hitch seemed to feel the same way.

  
“Hey there hot shot,” She smirked. “You’re looking a lot better than the last time I saw you.” She leaned forward against the bar, propping her elbows up and resting her head in her face. “Then again, you _were_ vomiting out the back of my car...”

  
“Shut up,” Jean took a seat in front of her, sighing. “If I let you keep a tab for me tonight, how many drinks can you give me?”

  
“Absolutely zero buddy.” Hitch snickered. “I’m glad you’re here, but I gotta keep you sober for the most part. Maybe later I’ll see about getting you some drinks.”

  
“Are you shitting me?” Jean snapped. “Hitch I could really use something right now, don’t make me suck a dick for some pot.”

  
“Whoa, whoa, chill out. You’re not even gonna ask me why I won’t get you anything?”

  
Jean let out a sigh, not wanting to play Hitch’s game. “Why aren’t you going to let me have anything?” He asked, his voice monotone.

  
“Because someone’s been looking for you.”

  
Jean’s heart lunged forward. The first thought that crossed his mind was Farlan, but that was highly unlikely. “Who?”

  
“You remember a certain _somebody_ you got a little friendly with last time you were here, right?”

  
“Oh fuck,” Jean threw his head back, groaning. “Freckles?”

  
“You got it!” She chimed, her smile getting wider. “He’s come back every night asking about you. Says he’s got something important to talk to you about.”

  
“God dammit,” Jean let his head drop against the bar. “I don’t need a fucking stalker.”

  
“I thought you’d be happy to hear about it.” Hitch pouted. “Don’t you remember the nose bleed you got from him?”

  
“You’re not going to let me live that down, are you?”

  
“Nope,” Hitch smirked at him. “D’y’know he calls you bruises? I think it’s cute. Freckles and Bruises, it’s like a highly dysfunctional relationship, you know?”

  
“Yeah whatever,” Jean pulled himself upright, looking to Hitch. “So he’s got something important to say to me?”

  
“Mhmm,” Hitch leaned in then. “And if I were you, I’d listen reaaalllllyy hard because that boy is _rich_.”

  
This piqued Jean’s interest. “Rich?” Hitch nodded. “How do you know that?”

  
“He’s just about doubled my pay here.” Hitch was beaming. “I’m at the point where I might have to start blowing him to not feel so bad for accepting his tips.”

  
Jean shrugged. “Just give him enough time to get to know me and he probably won’t be around here much longer.”

  
“Way to be so negative.” Jean gave her a forced smile to that, as if to say ‘that’s me!’. “Who knows, maybe the two of you could hook up? He seems like the type that likes kids.”

  
“Sure, sure, what do you think my opening statement should be?” Jean cleared his throat, declaring the level of sass he was about to use. “Hi I’m Jean, I’m a recovering heroin addict with three kids, no job, and an abusive father. I sure hope we could make this work.”

  
Hitch’s shoulders dropped and she rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t have to know all that.”

  
“Whatever you say.”

  
“Hey, you don’t know him, he might be just as horrible as you are.” Hitch pointed out. “I mean, he fucked you in a bar for fuck’s sake.”

  
Jean didn’t consider her point. “Hitch, I don’t _do_ relationships.”

  
“Maybe you should.” Her eyes went towards the front door then and her mood instantly shot back up. Before Jean could react to her statement, she slapped his shoulder. “Up, up, he’s here!” She immediately spun around to make herself look busy as Freckles approached.

  
Jean rolled his eyes. Maybe he could avoid the conversation completely by leaving now.  
He must’ve taken too long to think because he soon found the spot next to him occupied. “Bruises?”

  
Jean turned to him, his face as pissed off as he could make it. Freckles blinked in surprise, his cheeks going red then. “I-I.. Uhm, sorry I didn’t-” He cleared his throat looking down to the bar. “I don’t know your actual name.”

  
“Good.” Jean snapped. Hitch shot him a look from her spot but he chose to ignore it. “What do you want?”

  
Freckles started tracing a finger along the bar table, contemplating what he wanted to say. He took a look around them to see if anyone was listening and his eyes stopped on Hitch. “I was hoping we could go somewhere with a bit more privacy.”

  
“You want another fuck?” If that was the case, maybe Jean would break his no-repeats rule.

  
Freckles cheeks went redder than they were a moment ago. “N-no, not necessarily.” So he was at least thinking about it.

  
Jean stared at him a moment longer and then pushed away from the bar. “Sure whatever.” He dug into his pocket, thankful for the pack of cigarettes Levi had gotten him. He pulled it out and then looked at Freckles and nodded towards the back of the bar.

  
The two stepped out to the small steps that lead towards the dumpsters. Jean leaned against the metal railing while Freckles stood awkwardly next to him. Jean held the pack out towards the stranger, offering him one. “Oh, no thanks I don’t smoke.” He declined.  
Jean shrugged and stuck one in his mouth, cupping the end of the cigarette to block the wind. It took a few tries before he finally got the thing lit, the end of the cigarette burning a bright orange. They sat in silence, Freckles finally getting comfy and leaning against the brick wall next to the back door. His eyes stared forward, not really focusing on anything.

  
“So,” Jean started, pulling the cigarette from his lips and huffing out a breath of smoke. “You gonna talk or what?”

  
“Sorry,” Freckles mumbled. “It’s an awkward thing to bring up.”

  
“What?” Jean turned towards him. “You’re not about to tell me you gave me something are you?”

  
“What? No-! We used a condom anyway..” Freckles shook his head dismissing the could’ve been argument. “It’s about what happened but.. I just..” He took in a breath. “I just need to know you’re not gonna... Run your mouth about it.”

  
This took Jean for a loop. He scrunched his eyebrows together confused and turned to him. “You think you were that good?” He snapped. Jean wouldn’t admit to himself that yeah, freckles was definitely the best lay he had in a long time.

  
Freckles blinked. He stared at Jean for a long moment, waiting for something else. After he was just met with silence, the man’s gaze fell to the ground, a confused look on his face. “Okay, I’m just going to take a wild guess here.” He met Jean’s eyes and took in a deep breath. “You have no idea who I am, do you?”

  
Jean raised an eyebrow at him. Was he supposed to? Hitch did bring up the fact that this guy was rich so maybe he was someone important. “Should I....?”

  
“Have you not bothered to watch the news at all lately?”

  
Jean stared at the man for a long moment. He thought about the whole case with the Mayor but.. He knew this guy definitely wasn’t the Mayor. Way too young to be. He just shrugged his shoulders.

  
“Mayor Bodt...?” He pushed. At least Jean was on the right track. “.....My dad...?”

  
_Oh_.  
That made more sense now.

  
Jean took another puff of his cigarette and then scoffed. “Yeah sure thing Freckles. You have my silence.” His sarcasm made him hard to believe.

  
“I’m serious,” The man started. “My dad’s in a lot of shit right now-”

  
“Oh yeah I fuckin’ know,” Jean cut him off, feeling rage start to come over him. If it weren’t for his dad maybe Levi could still be working on Farlan’s case. “So much shit he’s got all the cops droppin’ their cases to work on his.”

  
Freckles looked taken back. He could tell there was something personal that he just pulled out of Jean, but he didn’t touch it. “...I really need to know that you’re not going to tell someone..” He went back to his original point. “If I get found out after my dad’s thrown so much money at those--those anti-gay foundations-”

  
“-Oh so you’re one of _those_.” Jean’s temper was starting up, the same way it did when Eren would pick at him for information.

  
“What?”

  
“ The ‘it’s not okay to do this except for when I do it’ types.” Jean exhaled the smoke in his lungs. “You can go around fuckin’ guys and still be A-okay so long as you stop other people from it, right?”

  
“That’s my _dad_ , that’s not me.” The strangers voice had gotten more stern. “I came out to him and his solution was to shove me back in.”

  
“Boo-fucking-hoo.” Jean hissed. “Life must be so damn hard for you.”

  
Freckles let out a frustrated huff of air. “You’re difficult.” He mumbled more to himself than to Jean. “Look.. Your friend told me about you, alright? I know you’re going through some things-”

  
“-Do _not_ act like you know me.” Jean snapped. He turned to face the man, his eyes staring daggers at him.

  
“Yeah, okay I don’t know you, you’re right.” He held his hands up in defense his voice hushed as he tried to keep Jean from getting any angrier. “Let’s start over, okay?” Freckles extended his hand out cautiously towards Jean. “ I’m Marco.”

  
Jean glared at it. He wanted to smack it away or spit on it. Something mean, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Instead he rolled his eyes and turned back towards the metal railing.

  
Marco sighed letting his hand drop to his side. “I don’t know what I did to piss you off so much, but I’m sorry for whatever it is.”

  
His voice sounded hurt, like he might have actually meant his apology. Jean didn’t want to admit to feeling guilty, but he did. He brought the cigarette back to his lips and then dropped his head into his arms. Maybe he was lashing out because of everything with Farlan he learned about today. Maybe he should take Hitch’s advice for once and try to let someone in. “Jean..” He mumbled.

  
Marco smiled. He moved from his spot against the wall and stepped next to Jean, careful not to get too close to him. “Well, Jean.. You look a lot more attractive with out all those bruises on your face.”

  
Jean lifted his head up out of his hands. “Are you hitting on me?”

  
“I’m not trying to.” Marco laughed. He had a warm smile on his lips, one that scared the hell out of Jean. He quickly tore his eyes away from it and stared down at the cracked concrete below him.

  
“So? Anything else?” He spat, keeping his eyes glued to the cracks.

  
“Mm,” Marco hummed, his hands coming into contact with the rails in front of him. He gripped onto it and leaned back, letting his arms keep him from falling. “No. Not really.”

  
“Then what are you still doing here?”

  
The brunette shrugged, pulling himself forward and leaning over the rails. “Don’t want to go home.” The words felt heavy, like each syllable had been pulled from somewhere deep with in the freckled man.

  
Jean understood the feeling. He didn’t think he could relate to anything with this guy, but they’d somehow managed to stumble upon a small common dread. He didn’t feel like shooing the man off as much anymore.

  
The two fell into a comfortable silence, both lost in their own thoughts. There was a peace that Jean hadn’t been familiar with in a long time.

  
“Uhm...” Marco started, interrupting what Jean considered to be a solid moment. “Your friend...I think her name was Hitch?” Jean nodded. “Please don’t be mad at her. I know it wasn’t her business to share anything about you but I may have bribed her a bit.”

  
Jean licked his lips, running a hand through his hair, messing up whatever look he had going for himself. “...What’d she tell you?”

  
“A bit,” His voice was quiet. “Not much, but she told me things.”

  
“What things?”

  
“Things like,” Marco started to twiddle his thumbs around one another, unsure of how to phrase the stories he learned from Hitch. “The area you live in.. Where you always get your bruises from....your uh....previous addiction-”

  
“-Are you fucking kidding me?” Jean huffed. Marco stared at him, waiting for him to lash out, but the ashy haired man took in a deep breath instead. “What else?”

  
“Um..” Marco’s voice had gotten quieter, acknowledging that the information Hitch shared really bothered Jean. “She mentioned.. That you lost your mom recently.”

  
“That fucking-”

  
“-Jean please, it wasn’t her fault.” Marco interrupted. “If you’re going to be mad at someone then be mad at me.”

  
His hazel eyes turned up from the cement to lock onto chocolate. Marco almost lost his breath to the amount of pain and anger he saw swirling deep in them, his heart hurting for the man he barely knew.

  
Jean huffed, his nostrils flaring much like a bull. He was definitely mad, but he didn’t seem to understand what to be mad at. His jaw was locked tight, and eyes glued to the chocolate pair in front of him.

  
“I can tell you things about me,” Marco started, his voice gentle and warm. “I know it’s not the best way to get to know each other but-”

  
“Who the fuck said I would want to know anything about you?” Jean snapped.

  
Marco’s lips were parted from his failed sentence. Jean thought he would’ve gotten mad at him, yelled back at him or maybe even hit him. Hell, he thought he would’ve at least been hurt but he didn’t know how to react when he was met with a grin.

  
“Okay.” Marco breathed. He looked content and if that didn’t just confuse the fuck out of Jean. “I won’t say anything then.” He turned away from the angry man and stared straight ahead. The smile lingered on his lips, like he’d just witnessed something oddly beautiful. Jean watched him for a moment longer, glancing him up and down as if to determine whether or not the guy could be trusted. “Is it alright for me to stay out here with you?” Marco questioned.

  
“I don’t care.” He was quick to answer, tearing his gaze away from Marco. As angry as he was at Hitch for saying things she shouldn’t have, he was at least grateful that Marco didn’t know about the kids, or about Farlan. He wasn’t sure how he would’ve acted had he learned Hitch spilled that information as well. Jean was already contemplating what words he wanted to use when he went back inside to rip her a new one. He might’ve just killed her if she told him his whole life story.

  
They found themselves brought back to a silence, Jean having pulled out another cigarette now. He was trying to spread the pack out as long as he could, but it gave him something to do as the two stood there doing nothing. Why Marco wanted to bother sticking around with him, he didn’t know. Not unless the freckled man was actually still trying to find a way to sleep with him again. That seemed more likely than just wanting to sit in silence.

  
“You sure you didn’t come back out just to get laid?” Jean questioned, raising an eyebrow.

  
“I’m sure.” Marco chuckled. He shifted, moving to sit down on the cement, dangling his legs off the side of the railings. “That was pretty out of character for me, just so you know.”

  
“Didn’t feel out of character.” Jean remarked. “Fuckin’ strangers in a bathroom isn’t your thing then?”

  
“Not at all.” Marco folded his arms over the bar that was level with his chest and rested his head on them. He brought his gaze to look up at Jean. “My now ex-boyfriend cheated on me.” He explained.

  
“Ah,” Jean hummed. “A revenge fuck then.”

  
“You really love that word, don’t you?” Marco chuckled.

  
Jean didn’t seem to understand what he meant. “Revenge?”

  
“No,” Marco rolled his eyes. “Fuck.”

  
Jean shrugged, flicking the ash off his cigarette and bringing it back to his lips. “I say it so much I don’t even register that I’ve said it.”

  
“I can tell.” They fell into a silence again. Neither knew how much time had passed by, the muffled noises from the bar nothing but background noise to them. The night was dark, the air warm, an occasional cool breeze blowing through every now and again. Marco yawned. Jean finished his second cigarette. They both just stared forward.

  
Eventually Marco broke the silence. “I have to leave.” He stated.

  
Jean didn’t show any acknowledgment to it. He stuffed his hands in his pockets wondering if his dad had passed out drunk yet or not. It was dark outside, so he probably did.

  
“Do you..” Marco’s voice was low, contemplating. “Maybe we could exchange phone numbers or something? I don’t know-- Only if you’d wan-”

  
“Don’t have a phone.” Jean cut him off before he began to ramble.

  
Marco’s face went red. “Oh.” He was more embarrassed by that then anything else that’d happened so far that night oddly enough. He seemed to be looking for a way to recover from it, twisting his fingers together in a nervous fit. “Sorry--I wasn’t thinking.”

  
“S’fine.” Jean mumbled.

  
There was disappointment all over Marco’s face. He was definitely desperate to keep a connection with the thin man beside him. Finally he let out a defeated sigh. “We’re...probably not going to run into each other after this, are we?”

  
“Not likely.” Jean answered, turning to look down at the man sitting against the rails. If he had a phone, would he have given Marco his number?

  
Probably.

  
Even if he didn’t want to be friends with the guy, he’d at least be useful towards something, being the mayor’s son and all.

  
Marco stood from his spot then, his face that of someone who just lost all their confidence. Maybe Marco didn’t believe Jean didn’t have a phone. Maybe he thought it was just some excuse to get away with not giving it out.

  
“You got a pen?” Jean questioned.

  
Marco paused. Then he dug into his pocket. “I think so...maybe..” He pulled something out of his pocket a moment later. “Sharpie?”

  
Jean didn’t respond. He snatched the marker from Marco’s hand and grabbed hold of his wrist. Jean yanked it forward and pulled up the man’s sleeve, revealing his forearm. He quickly scratched out a phone number all along Marco’s arm, intentionally making it as obnoxious as he could. “Hitch’s.” He stated, capping the marker and passing it back to Marco. “I’m here a lot. She can pass along any messages.”

  
Marco’s mood brightened instantly. He smiled for what seemed like the millionth time that night, but that smile was different. It was a very toothy smile and Jean couldn’t quite pinpoint why he liked it so much. He did take a moment to appreciate how perfect Marco’s teeth were. “It’s her punishment for being bribed so easily.”

  
“Oh no, not easily.” Marco chuckled. “Definitely not easily.”

  
“That’s some-what comforting.” Jean replied. They stared at each other for a quiet moment, Jean passing him a smirk. “I’ll see you later, Freckles.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> // I didn't even realized Sunday passed without an update so i apologize

“This way..... No, _this_ way...” Jean watched for a moment as the blond baby went about her own business, ignoring anything he had to say. “Annie...” He stared at her as she crawled in the exact opposite way he had set her up to.

  
Jean went towards her, scooping her up and taking her back to his beginning point. His room didn’t offer a lot of space to crawl, but he had to get her on the floor for at least a little while. “Okay. Follow me this time.”

  
He released her on the ground, her arms and legs immediately going into movement as she giggled and hiccuped away from him. She was fast for someone who didn’t know how to walk.

  
Jean gave up on trying to control her direction and instead decided to watch her move. She moved her arms a bit too fast and ended up falling flat on her face. Jean bit his lip to keep from laughing at her. “Oh, hun..”

  
Annie pushed herself upright and looked over her shoulder to Jean. She was quiet for a moment and then burst into a giggle fit. Her laughter brought a chuckle out of Jean. “You silly.”

  
“JEAN!” Annie didn’t react to the loud noise, slowing her giggles when she noticed her father’s attention was else where. Jean’s shoulders dropped, rolling his eyes. He swore if his dad was going to make him grab another beer, he’d chuck it at him.

  
He scooped Annie up and cradled her, leaving his room and heading towards where his dad was. “What?”

  
“I can’t listen to this shit anymore.” Angelo pointed from his spot on the couch. Jean followed his finger towards the back door and then stepped towards it. As he got closer he could hear Bert basically screaming from the back yard. “Get your boy under control.”

  
Jean ignored his dad’s comment and then cracked the door open. Bert was sitting in the dirt with his legs stretched in front of him and his head tilted backward, crying up to the sky.

  
Reiner didn’t seem the least bit bothered by it, the blond walking around at the other end of the yard, smacking a stick around at random things.

  
Jean closed the door-wall behind him as he stepped out into the yard. He moved towards Bertholdt. “What the hell is going on?” He questioned, his voice soft despite his word choice.

  
Bertholdt barely turned to look at Jean. He just kept crying, wailing louder now that his papa was there. He might’ve been trying to speak, but Jean couldn’t tell. Jean used his free hand to rub at his temple for a moment. He looked up at Reiner, their eyes locking.  
Reiner turned away and smacked the stick on the ground. “He’s just being a crybaby.”

  
“Reiner.” Jean’s voice was stern, but the blond didn’t let himself be affected by it.

  
He turned to Bertholdt then, kneeling down towards him. “What’s wrong, what’re you crying about?”

  
Bertholdt took in a breath but just exhaled in a loud cry. His face was red and eyes puffy, but he pointed towards Reiner. “M-m-m-my,” He inhaled sharply. “Sword.”

  
Jean looked at Reiner and then turned back to Bertholdt. “The stick?”

  
Bertholdt nodded his head furiously.

  
Jean let out a long sigh. “Reiner, give him back the stick.”

  
“NO!” Reiner shouted. “It’s my sword. He broke his!”

  
“Give him the stick.” Jean repeated.

  
Reiner didn’t listen. Instead, he brought the stick close to him and shouted. “NO!”

  
“For fuck’s sake it’s a stick, get a new one!” Jean moved away from Bertholdt and started walking towards Reiner. The blond twisted his body away in defense, guarding the twig.  
“Reiner give him the stick.” The blond shook his head and then turned to make a dash past Jean, but Jean stepped in the way and caught him by the arm. This set the blond off and he went into a tantrum that almost rivaled Bertholdt’s crying.

  
He kicked and threw his arms around, breaking into tears as he tried desperately to get away with the twig. “It’s MINE!” He shouted in between huffs. Jean just stood there, watching the blond as he flung about, and listening to Bertholdt as he cried as loud as he could. He didn’t know what to do then.

  
To make matters worse, Annie decided to join in on the wailing, screaming right in Jean’s ear.

  
“Oh come on, don’t join them..” He mumbled, giving Annie a hard look. Jean looked down at Reiner as he stopped moving around but now just cried out. “Alright, that’s it.” He pulled the blond upright and then knelt down quickly and grabbed the stick from him. “No one gets it.”

  
That made everything worse. Reiner screamed as he dropped on to the ground. Bertholdt’s cries got louder and shook as he kicked his legs up and down throwing an absolute fit. Annie was crying just to cry at that point. Jean watched the two of them, shaking his head .

  
It was a stick. They were screaming over a _stick_.

  
What was he supposed to do if neither one of them was willing to give it up? He wasn’t going to just scream at them until they stopped crying, he wasn’t Angelo.

  
Jean just sighed. He figured he’d let them work through their tantrums. Give them half an hour and they’ll get over it and find something else to do.

  
He turned with the stick still in his hand and started heading back towards the door. Jean bet if he threw it into a pile of sticks, they wouldn’t even be able to pull the same one out.

  
A moment later he heard an angry groan from Reiner before feeling a tiny fist smack right into his calf.

  
Jean froze.

  
Bert’s crying started to slow down now, his eyes watching what had just happened.

  
“It’s my sword!”

  
“Did you just hit me?” Jean questioned, his patience completely wiped with that one painless punch.

  
“It’s mine!” Reiner yelled in response, throwing another fist at Jean’s leg.

  
“Oh fuck no.” Jean snapped, the words immediately making the blond freeze. He took the stick and threw it towards Bertholdt. “Bert gets the damn stick.” Bertholdt’s crying stopped instantly as he moved to pick it up. “You’re fucking grounded.” There was so much anger running through Jean’s system after that. He could feel the urge to take his hand and slap it right upside the blonds head for acting up run up and down his arm, but he held back. “You don’t hit anyone, you got it?”  
Reiner kept quiet, sniffling with his head hanging down. Jean stared at him, letting the calm come back to him through deep breaths. The anger left his voice as he stared at the blond who was clearly now terrified of him.

  
“C’mon. Get inside.” Jean commanded, giving him a light push towards the door. Reiner headed for the door, sliding it open and stepping through. Jean stepped in after him, leaving Bertholdt to walk around the back yard swinging that stupid stick around.

  
They stepped past Angelo, his dad giving Jean a pissed off look with the added sound of Annie’s crying. He ignored it. Reiner looked up to Jean, unsure of where he was supposed to go. He hadn’t ever grounded any of them before, and with the house already like a prison, he didn’t know where to send him. “Go wash up. Then come to the kitchen.”

  
Reiner obeyed quietly, wiping his nose on his sleeve as he rushed for the bathroom. Jean moved into the kitchen, bouncing Annie in his arms as he tried to get her to calm down. “Shh, shh,” He hushed her. “It’s alright, it was just a stupid stick. You didn’t want that thing anyway.” Jean held her forward, gently throwing his arms up like he was going to launch her off. He repeated the motion, making a soft sound effect with it. Slowly her crying quieted, and she just started making weird bubbling noises with her drool.

  
Jean brought her back to his side, letting out a breath of air. He was emotionally spent for the day, that was for sure. The blond came around the corner a moment later and stood near the entrance, head down and eyes looking up at Jean. Jean didn’t notice him for a moment, but when he did, he nodded towards the table. “Sit.” He commanded. “Hands on the table, eyes down. Don’t even think about making a noise.”

  
Reiner didn’t even ask a single question, he just pulled a chair out and climbed up it, doing exactly as he was instructed.  
Jean watched him for a moment, and then turned away, moving to the fridge to find something to make for dinner.

* * *

 

Reiner and Bertholdt ate in silence while Jean sat at an empty chair in between the two. He had Annie on his lap, trying to no avail to get her to eat some of the mush Levi had purchased for her.

  
“Mm!” Annie squeaked as she turned her head away from the spoon that was chasing her mouth. Jean let out a huff of air. He was doing everything exactly as Levi had instructed, why wasn’t she eating it?

  
“C’mon, it’s carrot. How can you not like carrot?” He groaned, using a wash cloth to wipe at the food he had managed to smear against her cheek. Even after he pulled the spoon away, she still refused to look forward. Jean shook his head, looking down at the orange mush in front of him. It definitely didn’t look appetizing. He brought it to his mouth, taking the smallest of bites of the food.

  
His lip went up in disgust. “Okay, you win.” He dropped the spoon in with the rest of the mush and sat back. “No more carrot for you.” Levi was probably going to kill him for letting her be such a picky eater.

  
Reiner was the first to finish his food, taking his plate and dropping it off in the sink. He then returned to his spot at the table and dramatically placed his hands on it. Jean watched him and let out a sigh. He didn’t have the heart to make him sit there any longer when he knew that’s not where he wanted to be.

  
“Reiner, take your hands off the table.” He commented.

  
Reiner looked up to Jean. “I’m not in trouble no more?”

  
“Depends.” He replied, watching him stiffen a bit in place. “Do you know why you got in trouble?”

  
Reiner looked down. He brought his hands onto his lap, his shoulders slumping forward. “....yes.” He mumbled.

  
“Which is?”

  
“....I hitted you.”

  
“And?” Jean pushed.

  
Reiner’s eyes looked up to him, but he didn’t say anything. After a moment, he shrugged his shoulders.

  
Jean sighed. Bertholdt watched the exchange with big eyes, stabbing his fork into his food with a full fist grip and shoving whatever didn’t fall off his utensil into his mouth.

  
“What’d I ask you to do?”

  
Reiner’s eyes went to Bertholdt then and his expression went into one of anger. He mumbled under his breath, crossing his arms across his chest. Jean repeated his question.  
“Reiner, what did I ask you to do?”

  
“Give Bert my sword....” He pouted.

  
“And you didn’t listen to me.”

  
“But Bert-!”

  
“-Ah!” Jean cut him off. “I don’t care if it was Bert’s stick or your stick or who ever’s. I asked you to do something and you didn’t do it.”

  
Reiner slumped in his seat. Bertholdt dropped a fork full of bow tie noodles into his lap. He looked down and used his free hand to pick it up. He shoved the noodles into his mouth without a seconds thought, adding more butter to the amount that was already smeared across his cheek. The blond glared at him the whole time, while Jean held his stare.

  
Finally Reiner looked over to Jean and his anger melted away. “...’m sorry papa.”

  
That was pretty much all that Jean could ask for at that point. He smiled at Reiner and then nodded towards the exit of the kitchen. Reiner leaped from his spot without a second thought and ran off towards the backyard.

  
He looked down at Annie. “Alright, let’s try a fruit this time. Apples? Can’t go wrong with Apples can you?”

Apples had been a much better choice than the carrots. Annie kept her mouth shut for the beginning but Jean finally got her to try it and after that, feeding her was just a tad bit easier. He put Annie down for bed afterwards, coming back to the kitchen to clean up the mess left over from dinner. Bertholdt was still working on the last bits of noodles. Jean chuckled at him, part of a bow tie noodle stuck to his cheek.

  
Bert had given up on using his fork and just went with trying to pick up the slick noodles from his plate with his hands. He ended up dropping more on himself than in his mouth, but he made sure to pick up each one that fell. Save for the ones that landed on the floor.

  
“C’mon, you gotta go clean yourself up.” He picked Bertholdt up from his spot on the chair and set him on the ground and pushed him towards the bathroom. Bertholdt went without protest, he’d given up on his dinner forever ago.

  
Jean picked his plate up and dropped it into the sink. He grabbed the wash cloth dangling off the faucet and ran it through the water, ringing it out afterwards. He used the rag to pick up the noodles Bertholdt had managed to land on the floor, wiping the table down afterwards.

  
He stood up, tossing the towel halfheartedly back into the sink. Jean didn’t realize how exhausted he was until then, the energy he needed to deal with the kids taking his toll on him. Jean was just about to head off to shower when his Dad came barreling into the kitchen.

  
“-The fuck is it?! I know you took it, you little shit!”

  
“What?” Jean questioned. “I didn’t take anything, what the fuck are you talking about?”

  
“My money!” Angelo bellowed. “I had _exactly_ enough for another case of beer and now it’s gone, you fucking took it.”

  
“Fuck you,” Jean spat in response. “You probably already drank your way through it.”

  
Angelo rushed towards Jean and the smaller man flinched inward. “You stole it! I know you did, don’t fucking lie!”

  
“I didn’t steal your fucking money!”

  
“What’d you do with it?! You spent it on dope, didn’t you?” Angelo gave Jean a hard shove, knocking him into the cupboards behind him.

  
“I didn’t take it!” Jean repeated, his hands gripping the counter behind him for support.

  
Angelo scoffed, his eyes moving from Jean to the kitchen exit. “If it wasn’t you then it was one of those fuckers-”

  
Jean almost lunged after him. “Don’t you fucking dare.” He snapped, bringing Angelo’s attention back to him.

  
“Maybe you shouldn’t raise little _thieves_.” Angelo hissed the word. “You’re not doing anything to teach them a lesson. Just sittin’ them at a fucking table.”

  
“They didn’t steal your fucking money! They don’t even understand what the fuck money is!” Jean kept him from leaving the kitchen, yelling at him. “You’re losing your fucking mind, asshole.”

  
Something in Angelo snapped then. The same way it had the last time Jean had gotten attacked by him, and the same way it had in previous times. Angelo turned towards him, whipping his hand along with the twist to strike Jean across the face.

  
Jean knew it was coming but it never stopped him from being completely winded by the pain. He saw only white for a moment, swearing that something in his mouth had just exploded open upon the impact. Maybe that was just his own drool.

  
Angelo didn’t stop with just that. He pulled Jean upright by the collar of his shirt and hit him across the face again, yelling at him. “Where the fuck is it?!”

  
Jean didn’t even give him a response, which somehow pissed Angelo off even more. He shoved Jean back against the cupboards, and then gripped him by the back of the neck. He couldn’t stand it when he did that. It locked up his entire body and kept his shoulders stiff. It was probably why Angelo did it so often.

  
Usually his dad would shake him around, or use his grip to hold him still while he smacked him. He did something different this time. Angelo pulled his neck forward just before he sent his skull into the flat counter top. Jean’s head was slammed against the edge of the counter. He heard something crack when it connected, black taking over his vision afterward.

* * *

 

When Jean came too, he was lying on the floor in the living room. There was a pillow propped under his head and a lot of noise happening. His head was pounding with the worst head ache he thought he ever had.  
Jean tried to move forward but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “Whoa, whoa, stay down dude.”

  
“Sam?” Jean groaned. “Why’re you...?” He couldn’t get the full question out.

  
“Your little guy came to my door freaking out. Said you got killed so in turn I freaked out and came running over.” Jean kept his eyes closed, the pain hurting too much to open them. Samuel sounded like he arrived at his side, but Jean couldn’t be sure. “Turns out you’re not dead, but I could see why they thought that.”

  
“Ow, ow...” Jean moaned in pain, bringing a hand up to his face. His nose was on fire. It felt like it grew three whole sizes.

  
“Yeah.. Pretty sure it’s broken.” Sam commented. A second later, he reached down with a warm cloth to dab at the area around Jean’s nose. Jean hissed in pain, flinching backward. “Sorry man. There’s still a lot of blood and your little ones are freaking out enough as it is.”

  
“Where--where are they?”

  
“I told them to stay in your room.. I mean, man there’s a _lot_ of blood.”

  
“Reiner.. Go get Reiner.” Jean winced, trying to process the pain he was in. It hurt so much that it took him a bit to remember how he ended up like this. “The fuck is my dad?”

  
“Idunno he was gone when I got over here.” Angelo’s voice was distant. He must’ve went to get Reiner like Jean asked.

  
The ashy haired man heard the bedroom door creak open and could faintly hear crying from the three kids. Sam said something soft to them and then returned with Reiner in tow. “Papa?” Reiner choked out between a sob.

  
“Reiner, you remember Eren’s number, right?” He opened his eyes just enough to try and see the blonds response. He didn’t expect his vision to be distorted by his own tears.

  
Reiner sniffled. “Y-yeah.”

  
“Can you call him?”

  
Sam took the hint, pulling his phone out of his pocket and passing it off to the kid. Reiner nodded, taking the phone from their neighbor and dialing the number. The ringing could be heard and after a moment, a distorted voice came through. “ _Hello_?”

  
“E-Eren?”

  
“ _Reiner is that you? What’s up buddy_?”

  
“P-papa’s dying.” Sam took the phone away from him after the words left his mouth.

  
“ _What_?!” Eren’s voice echoed through the receiver but Sam quickly took over the phone call, walking in towards the kitchen with it.  
Reiner started crying again.

  
“Shhh...” Jean groaned. “I’m not dying, I’m fine.”

  
“But you’re bleeding.”

  
“I know.” How many times was he going to have to hear Reiner say that to him? Jean couldn’t even feel the blood that must’ve been covering him. The whole center of his face felt numb and on fire. It had to of been swelling up really badly already. “But I’m okay.”

  
Sam returned a moment later, dropping his phone into his pocket. “He’s on his way over.”

  
“Thanks Sam.” Jean mumbled, bringing his fingers up towards his face. He had barely even touched the area near his nose, but it still sent a stinging pain through him. “---Fuck.” He hissed.

  
Sam shook his head. “You look terrifying dude.”

* * *

 

“It’s broke as fuck.” Eren heaved, pulling the latex gloves off of his hands as he finished cleaning up the blood and addressing the wound as best he could. Mikasa had tagged along with him, her body just out of Jean’s line of vision. She was standing near the hallway, holding Annie and cooing at her to keep her distracted.

  
Bertholdt and Reiner were sitting patiently on the floor of the living room, looking up at Jean and Eren on the couch. Sam had dismissed himself a few minutes after the two swooped in to take over.

  
“Great...” Jean groaned, feeling slightly better with the acetaminophen Eren set him up with. The brunette stood from his spot and discarded the slightly bloodied gloves into the trash, returning a moment later with an ice pack wrapped in a towel. He wasn’t a doctor or anything close to it, but with his dad being a surgeon, Eren had learned more than the average kid did growing up. He at least knew how to handle a broken nose.

  
Eren stared at Jean, looking him over. He passed the ice to Jean, wordlessly indicating for him to apply it to his face. After sitting back down, he took a glance at Reiner and Bertholdt and then let his eyes fall to his lap. “I’m calling Levi.”

  
“Don’t you dare.” Jean snapped, wincing from the sensation of something so cold against his face. It felt like heaven compared to the burning of his nose.

  
The brunette rolled his eyes. “Do you have to put up a fight with everything?” He argued. Jean was ready to fire back at him but Eren stopped him. “Would you _look_ at them?” He directed Jean’s attention to Reiner and Bertholdt, both of them looking up at Eren, confused. “They’re fucking terrified Jean! They shouldn’t have to deal with this shit!”

  
“I know that but I can’t make it without Dad here-”

  
“You’ve been doing just fine until now, what the fuck do you need him for?”

  
“For the _house_ , Eren. In case you’ve forgotten, I don’t have a fucking job.” He pointed out.

  
Eren rolled his eyes. “Then _get_ one.”

  
“With what fucking paperwork? Or Proof of Identity?” Jean retorted. “Or experience. Or High School diploma? Or let’s not forget the fucking background check you know I’d fail.” He didn’t have the energy to put up a fight. “Who’d watch the kids then? I can’t leave them home alone.”

  
Eren was beat there. He turned to Mikasa, and they shared a kind of mental exchange. He turned back to Jean and chewed at his lips. “Maybe....” Eren didn’t know where to start. “Maybe you should give them back.”

  
“What?” Jean breathed.

  
Eren didn’t want to repeat himself. “The Orphanage would understand, Jean. I mean, that’s a lot of work to take on three kids, and with their legal guardian missing-”

  
“-You’re serious?” Jean interrupted. “You want me to send them back to the orphanage?”

  
“...” Eren just held Jean’s gaze.

  
“No!” Reiner shot up from his spot and lunged towards Jean. He latched onto his leg, holding on tightly. “I don’t want to go back there! I hate it there!”

  
Bertholdt followed suit, climbing up the sofa and hugging Jean’s side. “I don’t want to go away from Papa!”

  
Eren’s eyes took in the scene, his heart hurting for the kids that got the worst of a bad situation. He wanted to believe that Jean could take care of them, and raise the three of them well, but what kind of life were they going to have growing up in a house like this?  
“I’m not going to,” Jean stated. “I just.. We just gotta hold out for a little bit longer, that’s all-”

  
“For fuck’s sake Jean, Farlan isn’t coming back you have to g-”

  
“-I know!” Jean snapped, shocking both Mikasa and Eren. “I know he’s not. I know... Levi told me when he was last over..”

  
Eren bit his lip. He shouldn’t have lashed out like that, especially now that he saw the hurt that was all over Jean’s face as he finally admitted the one thing Mikasa and him had been urging him to accept.

  
Mikasa spoke up. “Jean...What do you mean?” She questioned, her voice soft and quiet. “What’re you holding out for?”

  
Jean tried to take in a deep breath but it hurt too much. It ended up skipping and making his voice shake more. “Levi’s... He’s got something in the works, alright? We only talked about it for a minute but....” He trailed off. Bert stared up at him, his hand clutching onto Jean’s bloodied shirt. “...Just gotta wait.”

  
“That’s all the more reason to call him then.” Eren retorted.

  
Mikasa looked confused. “Levi hasn’t mentioned anything to me...” Granted they were only half siblings, but they were siblings none the less. They had an odd relationship of dropping information off towards each other and then not speaking for months on end.

  
Jean didn’t give her a response. The room fell into silence, even Annie quiet from making any noise for once.

  
The quiet was interrupted by the ringing of Mikasa’s phone, grabbing everyone’s attention. She dug her phone out from her pocket and chewed her lip. “I....may have already called Levi on our way over....” She mumbled. “....he didn’t answer....”

  
Jean groaned, bringing a hand to his head as Mikasa answered the phone.

  
“Hello?” She greeted.

  
“ _Put Jean on_.” Levi’s voice was sharp, pissed off even from what could be heard. Mikasa slowly pulled the phone away from her ear and turned towards Jean. He was giving her the best death glare he could muster, and with his broken nose it was a pretty bad one at that. She passed the phone to him. Jean hesitated, but took the phone, bringing it up to his ear. He was smart enough to hold it a safe distance away.

  
“....Yeah?”

  
“ _The fuck do you mean ‘Yeah?’!?_ ” Levi snapped. “ _Do you have any fucking clue the kind of voice mail I just listened to?”_

  
“Probably an over exaggerated one?”

  
“ _Explain_.” Levi demanded, not an ounce of patience in his voice.

  
“....Dad got mad.. Same as always.” Jean shrugged. He noticed Eren roll his eyes beside him.

  
“ _That voice mail was not a ‘same as always’ voice mail. What the fuck happened? How bad is it?”_

  
“It’s not that bad.” It was hard for Jean to even lie to himself with that, let alone Levi.

  
“Yes it is!” Eren shouted from his side. “His nose is broken!” Jean shot him a look.

  
“ _What?! He broke your nose?_!”

  
“Can I talk to Uncle?!” Bertholdt piped up. Jean immediately took that scapegoat and passed the phone to Bert. “Uncle Levy? It’s Bertl.”

  
Levi’s tone had instantly dropped, but there was a certain strain to it that could be picked up even when Jean wasn’t holding the phone. “ _Hey there little man.”_

  
“Okay. So. Papa and grandpa were yelling after dinner and then Grandpa was just yelling and then he left and then me and Reiner wanted Papa to go night night with us but Papa was dying so Reiner ran-did outside and then Sammie came and Papa wasn’t dying no more.”

  
Jean closed his eyes in regret. Levi let out a strained sigh from the other line. “ _Yeah? That must’ve been really scary for you, wasn’t it?_ ”

  
Bertholdt nodded. “Uh-huh. Sammie made us go to our room so’s he could gets Papa to stop dying and then Eren and Mi-mi came and made Papa better.”

  
_“That’s good. Are you going to be okay? Do you want me to come by?”_

  
Bertholdt brightened up immediately. “Can you come visit?! Grandpa never does nothing when you’re here!” Bertholdt gasped then, an idea popping in his head. “We can have a sleep over!!”

  
“ _We’ll see. Can you put your Aunt on the phone please?_ ”

  
Bertholdt nodded. “Okay Uncle. Goodbye Uncle, I love you Uncle.” He passed the phone to Mikasa before Levi responded.

  
She took the phone and then walked out of the room, not wanting the conversation to be heard.

  
Reiner turned to Bertholdt. “Is Levy coming over?”

  
Bertholdt shrugged. “He didn’t answer. He wanted to talk to Mimi first.”

  
“Awh…” Reiner groaned, figuring that meant he wouldn’t be stopping by. Jean took in a breath, finding it funny that the incident with the stick earlier didn’t even matter to the boys anymore. He leaned his head back, resting it against the top of the couch. His eyes drifted close, focusing on something other than the pulsing pain that was running through his nose. He wondered how much heroin he’d have to take in to not feel the pain in his nose anymore.

  
Jean opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling, surprised at how effortless that thought had slipped into his brain. Did he really want another hit or was that thought purely out of curiosity?

  
Eren’s eyes bore holes into Jean’s skull, like he could hear his friend’s thoughts. He watched him, looking at the slight movement of his breathing chest, and the way his thumb and fore finger drummed back and forth against Bertholdt’s hip.

  
Jean could feel the over analyzing being conducted by Eren, like the brunette couldn’t decide on something and needed him for an answer. The man with the broken nose wanted to scoff, but it’d hurt too much to.

  
He definitely wanted another hit the longer Eren stared at him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since tomorrow is Christmas, I wasn't sure I would get the chance to actually update so I decided to do it a day early and to get it iut of the way :D Consider it a present. Happy Holidays !!

“Jean?! Jean wake up!! For fuck’s sake--!” Unresponsive didn’t come close to the state that Jean was in. He was beyond unresponsive, he was just gone. His skin was a light gray color and his body was completely motionless. “Shit shit shit-FUCK!” The voice was panicky, scrounging around the area surrounding Jean. “Please don’t-- Please don’t die on me--” The sound of a ringing phone was heard for only a moment. The line picked up before the first ring went through.

  
“ _911, what’s your emergen_ -”

  
“My brother! H-he’s dying fuck he might be dead-” The voice skipped, his breathing very shallow. “He looks like a fucking corpse, he’s so fucking white. Fuck he took so much.”

  
“ _What’s your location?_ ”

  
“H-home. I’m at home. We’re in his room.. The address…it’s..” He rattled off the location, carding his hand through his hair in a stressed manner.

  
“ _Paramedics are on there way, I’ll stay on the line with you until they get there._ ”

  
“O-okay.”

  
“ _Can I ask what your name is?_ ”

  
“Farlan. I’m his older brother.” His hand was shaking as he held the cell phone to his ear.

  
“ _Okay Farlan. I need you to do me a favor,”_ The voice on the other line was so sweet and calm, Farlan could almost pretend he wasn’t calling for an emergency. “ _Can you check your brother’s airway passages? Make sure there’s nothing to constrict his breathing_.”

  
“Right, right.” There was shuffling as Farlan did as instructed, pulling Jean’s mouth open and straightening his brother’s tongue out. His panic rose, barely feeling a ghost of a breath as he did so. His eyes dampened, shaking his head as he stared at what must’ve been Jean’s corpse. “No no no…You’re too young, you’re too god damn young…”

  
“ _Farlan, are you there_?”

  
“Why would you do this?” Farlan hollered at his unconscious brother. “Why wouldn’t you talk to me?” He choked in a breath, trying not to cry. “I didn’t even know you were on this garbage.”

  
“ _Farlan I’m going to need you to focus_ -”

  
“He’s fucking gone! He’s got to be!”

  
“ _Have you checked his pulse_?”

  
“...No.” Farlan sniffled. The line was quiet as the older brother looked for a pulse. “..I-I can’t tell if it’s my pulse or his pulse.” There was more shuffling. “…It’s really faint.”

  
“ _We have a pulse. That’s a good thing._ ”

  
“This is all my fault. Fuck this is all my fault.” Farlan continued to beat himself up, gripping at his hair in stress. “I almost wasn’t going to come home. What if I didn’t come back? What if I didn’t make it in time? What if I--”

* * *

 

Jean jolted awake. His heart was racing against his chest, body covered in sweat. All he took in was the dark, his eyes taking a moment to adjust without any source of light. He heard the sound of metal jingling and looked to his feet. A large German Shepard was staring up at him. “…Mike?” Jean huffed in a panic.

  
He looked next to him, Eren passed out on the other side of the couch. Mikasa was curled up in a bawl on the floor. The kids weren’t with him anymore.

  
Mike’s head had gone up in curiosity to the sudden wake, but he brought it back down in front of him. His nose nudged Jean’s foot, politely asking for attention. Jean obliged, reaching a hand down to ruffle the fur between the dogs ears. His tags jingled together, making the only noise in the house.

  
The medicine Eren had given Jean had long worn off, the pain immediate and as fresh as when he first broke his nose. He pulled his hand away from the dog, grabbing the side of his head in pain. Why did getting hit on the nose have to hurt so badly?

  
Mike’s head shot up, his ears twisting upward as his eyes locked onto the kitchen. A second passed and his tail started to wag violently.

  
Jean wanted to turn to see what it was about, but the pain made turning his neck too much. He didn’t have to at least, a steaming mug coming into his vision beside him. He took it with both hands.

  
“How’s it feel?” Levi’s voice was quiet but also very close to the back of Jean’s neck. He was leaning forward against the top of the couch, his arms crossed over one another.

  
“It hurts.” Jean whined. “Like, a lot.”

  
“Same as always?” He quoted, throwing the words back at Jean without hesitation.

  
“Might as well be..” He replied, sniffing the cup in front of him. It was very earthy which could only mean it was some kind of tea.

  
“Mm.” Levi hummed, his eyes staring at Jean. “Take some more pain relievers.”

  
“Eren has ‘em..” Jean mumbled, taking a testing sip of the tea Levi provided him. “Said not to take nothing but Tylenol.”

  
Levi didn’t move from his spot. He must’ve been some kind of sadist, watching Jean suffer like that. “The swelling’s gone down.” He commented.

  
“Awesome.” The tea tasted like dirt. Fancy dirt. He took another sip. “Shouldn’t you be at work?” With everyone passed out and Levi the only conscious one, Jean had to conclude it to be in the early morning period.

  
“I took a sick day.”

  
“Over something like this?”

  
“He broke your nose.”

  
“So? It’ll heal.” Jean was quick to dismiss the statement.

  
“What if it’d been one of the kids?” Levi took a different tactic.

  
Jean was quick to jump to that. “It won’t.” He snapped, his voice thick with venom. He didn’t dare bring up the fact that Angelo had even mentioned them earlier.

  
“Sure, sure, but why don’t you humor me and tell me what you’d do if it’d been one of the kids?”

  
“I would fucking kill him.” The answer shot out of Jean’s mouth so fast, he wasn’t sure he even processed the thought.

  
“Now you know how I feel.” Levi remarked.

  
This made Jean pause. He scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion before he was able to make the connection to what Levi said. “Oh.” Jean mouthed, eyes turning towards the tea in his hands.

  
It hit him a little harder than it should’ve, realizing the kind of relationship him and Levi shared. If he was being honest, Levi was too young to really feel like a father figure to Jean, but he didn’t quite make the brother figure either. Uncle was definitely the best title for him, and it was more than just a nick name they gave him for the kids to remember. Levi was his family, his only family left now-- excluding the kids.

  
Yeah, Angelo was his biological father, but he’d proven by now that it meant nothing. Levi on the other hand had no ties to the family without Farlan, yet he was still here.

  
Jean brushed his thumb along the side of the mug, taking in the way the heat was just cool enough to not burn him. Levi thought of him as family. Even without Farlan here, Jean was still family to him.

  
“...Eren…” Jean started, clearing his throat. If he started crying, he could always just blame it on the broken nose. “He suggested…taking the kids back.”

  
“Mikasa told me.” Levi replied, his voice flat.

  
“They didn’t want to go back.”

  
“Of course not.”

  
The two fell into a silence, Jean’s eyes staring at the sliver of light that reflected in his tea. He wondered where it was coming from, but didn’t dive deep enough in the thought to figure it out. “Should I?” Jean questioned.

  
Levi didn’t say anything at first. He shifted, standing up straight and moving to sit on the arm rest. His back leaned against the head cushion, one leg rooted to the floor while the other was crossed over the arm rest. He thought. And he thought. And he thought. Finally he spoke.

  
“The cop in me wants to say yes.” Jean’s heart sank. “But everything else screams no.” Levi looked forward, staring at the peeling wallpaper. His face was emotionless until he let out a long sigh. Then it was like some memory had come forcing it’s way to the surface in his mind. “As a detective, you go over all of the facts and draw a conclusion from the intellect you’ve gathered.” He took in a breath and rubbed at his chin. “You’ve been a heroin addict for the better part of seven years now. You dropped out of high school after one semester. Now that you aren’t on heroin, you’re either drinking it up or sleeping around and you’re not even legally allowed to drink,” Levi probably could’ve kept going, but he stopped. “But that’s just…what everyone sees. People don’t get to see…this.” Jean looked up at Levi and watched as he gestured towards the house. “You’re raising three kids, Jean. And I mean _raising_ them, not just dealing with them because you have to. You were high out of your mind when that car crash happened but the second you learned you were their god father you quit cold turkey.

  
“And, you take care of them. I haven’t come over here once to Annie smelling like shit or Bertholdt and Reiner hungry or hurt. For fuck’s sake, Annie got a diaper rash and you walked all the way to Eren’s to figure out what was wrong.” Levi shrugged. “Idunno maybe I’m biased..” He combed his hand through his hair. “But those kids love you. And they know this home is fucked, but they don’t care because you’re here and that’s one person in their world that cares about them. It’s one person more than what they had at that orphanage…”

  
“.…” Jean’s lower lip quivered. He’d never heard Levi get so sentimental like that. He’d never heard him say a positive thing about Jean, but there he just unleashed a mother lode. Jean didn’t know what to say. He watched the tea, the water suddenly rippling as a drop fell into it. “Ah shit…” Jean huffed, setting his mug down in front of him. Mike stood up from his spot, his tail wagging as he moved towards Jean. Levi raised an eyebrow at him. “My nose.. I think it’s bleeding again.” Jean confirmed his suspicions when he brought his fingers to lightly brush against his nostrils, doing what he could to ignore the pain from the touch. His fingers came back coated in blood as a strong wave of dejavu ripped through him.

  
“ _It’s about to drip into your mouth though_ -”

  
“Fuckin’ freckles.” Jean mumbled to himself. Levi was holding out a bundle of tissue at him, barely catching what Jean said.

  
“Freckles?” He repeated.

  
Jean began to shake his head but stopped from how much it hurt. “This…guy.”

  
Levi’s curiosity only increased. “I’ve never heard you refer to someone as ‘this guy’ before.” He teased as Jean took the tissue from him.

  
He rolled his eyes, holding the bundle up to his nose. “He’s this guy I met at the bar…”

  
“Whoa, whoa, met?” Levi repeated. “Like, as in you’re still talking?”

  
“Have you been hanging out with Eren?” Jean retorted. “You’re starting to sound just like him.”

  
“Excuse me for being impressed.” He chuckled at the face Jean made. “As you were saying. You met a guy.”

  
“...We’re not still talking for the record…” Jean looked away from him. “Okay, maybe we might be… Would be if I had a phone. He asked me for my phone number.”

  
“Mm, that must’ve hurt his pride.”

  
“Definitely.” Jean tried to remember what the point of telling Levi all this was. “Anyway, he gave me a bloody nose.”

  
“.….Why am I afraid to ask how he did that?”

  
Jean smirked. “Oh relax.” He started, which made Levi trust him less. For good reason. “I was just plowin’ him away and it happened. Maybe it was the way I had him bent over the sink-”

  
“-oh god stop-”

  
“-or how deep I could get into him-”

  
“-Jean I will hit you in your nose-”

  
“-Don’t even get me started on how tight he was-”

  
“- _Jean_.” Levi’s voice increased in volume. “Please.”

  
Jean laughed at him. Sure it might’ve made him an asshole for targeting the one thing he knew made Levi squirm like a child, but fuck if it wasn’t fun. He rolled his eyes when Levi glared at him. “Alright, Alright. I’m done.” Mike’s head flopped down onto Jean’s thigh, sitting in front of him and staring up like he was asking to be apart of the fun. “But I do think you might be a bit interested in him though..”

  
“Oh for the love of-” Before Levi could finish, Jean held a hand up. His face showed that he was serious about this.

  
“I don’t know if this name will sound familiar at all but..uh…Marco?”

  
“.…Marco fucking Bodt?” Levi snapped. The biggest grin broke out onto Jean’s face at the reaction Levi was giving him. “Jean, you fucked Marco Bodt? The Mayor’s Marco bodt?!”

  
“Ye-”

  
Levi got up in Jean’s face then. “Describe him. Right now. Height, build, hair, looks.”

  
“Uh…” It didn’t feel as fun as it did a moment ago. Levi had gone into full blown detective mode and Jean wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen this side of him. “He.. He was taller than I was.. Not by much, but still taller.” Jean looked down, pulling the tissue from his face to see if he was still bleeding. He couldn’t tell. “Um.. short black hair.. It’s done in a really dorky way…. Freckles…. Hence why I called him freckles.” What else had Levi asked him for? “He’s like.. pretty healthy looking. Mm- His shoulders are nice and broad, the kind you just want to dig your nails into-”

  
Levi gripped Jean by his jaw, directing his attention straight at him. “You listen here, you fucking sex fiend,”

  
“-I’m listening, I’m listening, ow ow ow,” Levi released Jean’s face roughly, Jean wishing he could’ve taken back his information leak. He did not like cop Levi when he was on the receiving end of it.

  
“You have to talk to him again. Get back in touch.”

  
“O…Okay, I think I can do that..” Jean mumbled.

  
Levi threw himself into the couch. “That fucking little shit. Mother fucking cunt pounder-” For someone who got as squirmy as he did at the mention of sex, he sure had a mouth on him.

  
“What? What is the big deal? I know he’s the mayor’s son and all but you are seriously freaking out right now.”

  
“He’s covering for his dad.” Levi replied, chewing his lip in thought. “I questioned him when the investigation first came around…That fucker.”

  
“.…He didn’t seem too fond of his dad when I talked to him.” Jean replied, thinking back to their…sort of conversation.

  
Levi turned to him. “What did he say?”

  
Jean shrugged. “Idunno, I wasn’t really listening.”

  
“Well what the fuck do you remember besides you being balls deep in his fuck hole?”

  
“Levi, _chill_ the fuck out man.” Jean retorted, flinching away from him. As small as he was, he could sure be intimidating.

  
His uncle stared at him for a minute, looking like he was about to start yelling at him, but he didn’t. He took in a deep breath and slowly slipped out of detective mode, running a hand through his hair. “….Sorry.” He huffed, sinking back into his seat.

  
Jean distracted himself by reaching to pet Mike. The dog was happy to be a distraction, his tail thumping lightly against the ground. “All’s I remember him saying is that he didn’t want me to talk about what happened. Said his dad was in a lot of shit already.”

  
Levi scoffed. Jean turned to look at him. “Why? What’s that matter?”

  
His Uncle looked like he didn’t know where to start. For a minute he didn’t. He just stared off at the wall, letting the faded floral design guide his thought process. “His dad took a lot of money and invested and donated it to particular groups and organizations that focus their time on anti-homosexual campaigns and programs. Mayor Bodt never really took a stand one way or another on that issue when he was running for his spot, and he kept real low about it up until his second year. Out of nowhere he just started throwing money at these places.”

  
“Is that why he was laundering money?”

  
“No, not at all. That was all legal money.” Levi sat forward. “It’s more of ‘what happened to make Mayor Bodt take this stand so abruptly?’ well lo and behold, his son suddenly went MIA for a couple months and it was during that time Mayor Bodt decided to start expressing himself on the issue.”

  
“So…Marco came out and his Dad didn’t like it.”

  
“That’s what my thoughts were.” Levi replied. “Makes sense anyway you look at it but when I brought this up to Marco during his questioning, he swore up and down he was straight as a whistle.”

  
Jean laughed. “Didn’t seem very straight to me.”

  
“Said he had a girlfriend and everything. Showed me pictures, talked way too avidly about her--he’s practiced that shit.”

  
“I’m wondering--Is it easier or harder for you to pick up on that, what with you being all…immune.”

  
Levi glared at him. He didn’t answer his question, which actually disappointed Jean a bit. “Jean he knows something. That questioning with him was so rehearsed….”

  
“Okay..” Jean breathed scratching under Mike’s jaw area, the dog loving every second of it. “What makes you think I could get anything out of him?”

  
“Well for starters you fucked a born again straight.” Levi listed. “Not to mention black mail.”

  
“You’re going to make me black mail him?”

  
“Of course.” He replied. “We’re getting into politics after all now, aren’t we?”

  
“...Yeah but…” Jean didn’t feel right about it. “…I don’t know…”

  
“Guess it was a good thing I took a sick day tonight after all.” Levi remarked.

  
Jean feigned offense the best he could. “Oh you know, not because I got my nose cracked open or anything, that’s fine.”

  
“Is it still bleeding?” Suddenly now he was concerned.

  
“No. Not right now at least.” Mike turned his head on Jean’s lap, in search for his hand after he stopped scratching him. “Geez, you’re just a big fluff ball aren’t you?”

  
“Tell that to the guy who got his shin bone cracked from his jaw.”

  
“Oh.” Jean pulled his hands away from him, feeling a bit more afraid of the German Shepard.

  
Levi patted his thigh, Mike instantly abandoning Jean in favor of his partner. His tail wagged back and fourth as he sniffed at Levi. His uncle slapped the little bit of space between him and Jean and Mike instantly hopped into it. The wave of motion caused Jean to lean away from the two, body pushing into the brunettes he’d forgotten completely about.

  
Eren grunted, mumbled something in his sleep and then readjusted his head position. He was out again in seconds.

  
Mike’s upper body was in Levi’s lap, giving Jean the infamous puppy dog look as if to apologize. “He’s the best dog on the force.” Levi remarked.

  
Jean rolled his eyes. “You’re just saying that because he’s your favorite.”

  
“Nah, Peanut was my favorite.” Levi smiled. “Mike’s close though.”

  
“Peanut sounds nice.”

  
“Peanut was most definitely not nice.” He corrected. “She didn’t have the off-duty switch like Mike does. If I let her near Bert or Reiner, she’d tear them apart.”

  
“.….And she was your favorite….?”

  
“Mhmm.” Jean waited for a story or reason to it, but Levi didn’t give one. He continued petting Mike, watching as the dog closed his eyes and unwound on his lap. “You should get back to bed, don’t let me keep you up.”

  
“I’m not tired.” Jean replied.

  
“At least go lay down. The kids’ll appreciate waking up with you there.” He had a point with that. Jean made a noise in response, trying to gather up the energy to move. Levi watched him, his hand going in a repeating motion through Mike’s fur. Jean only hoped that Bertholdt didn’t wet the bed again, he didn’t think he’d have the motivation to clean that up.

* * *

 

Eren and Levi had spent the morning cleaning up the house while Mikasa kept the kids entertained to the best of her ability. Annie was incredibly giggly with all of the extra attention on her from the visitors. Bertholdt and Reiner couldn’t make up their mind on who they wanted attention from the most. They bounced from person to person the second an idea popped in their head.

  
Regardless, the three were doing their best to make sure that Jean got the best sleep he could with a broken nose.

  
“...Why’re you folding it like that?”

  
“Oh my god Levi.” The towel that Eren had been working on putting away was now in a frustrated grip, the brunette turning to the raven haired man. “People clean in different ways will you just drop it?”

  
“No because it’s wrong,” Levi snatched the towel away from Eren. “Fold it into threes, it’s faster to fold and it takes up less space.”

  
“Okay--” Eren threw his hands up in defeat, stepping away from the laundry area. “--You win, you can do the laundry. I’m just going to find something else to clean.”

  
Levi raised an eyebrow at him as he watched the brunette storm off through the hallway. A moment later Eren popped up from around the corner and pointed a finger at him. “And don’t you _dare_ come following after me to shove more cleaning corrections down my throat.”

  
Levi opened his mouth to retort but Eren was gone before he could. His eyes dashed to Mikasa then as if to ask what he did wrong. She stared at him with a deadpanned expression. “What? It was wrong.” He claimed.

  
Mikasa rolled her eyes with a chuckle and turned back to Annie, her hands on the blond’s feet as she practiced stretching them out with her. “Everyone must love working with you at the precinct.”

  
He didn’t say anything. His eyes stayed on her for a bit, folding the clothes with a slight more aggression. “…Your boyfriend just doesn’t have any patience.” Levi mumbled.

  
Mikasa let out a chuckle to that. “No, he doesn’t.” She agreed. “But you also can’t be told you’re wrong.”

  
“That’s not true.”

  
“See?” Mikasa threw Levi a smirk, his face expressionless as he stared back at her. He decided it was better not to argue that.

  
Bertholdt and Reiner came in through the door wall then, Mike trotting right behind them. They were both covered in dirt, the designs on their clothes barely showing through from all the soil that was caked on it. Mike wasn’t much better, but his filth was much less noticeable. “Mimi!! Mimi!!” Reiner went running up to Mikasa, his hands cupped over one another. Her eyebrows immediately rose up.

  
“Whatcha got there, hmm?” She was afraid to see whatever it was.

  
Reiner opened his hands up, revealing a earthy colored frog almost the same size as his palm. Mikasa relaxed to that, watching how fast it was breathing. “Oh honey, you gotta put that back outside.”

  
“His name is Greg.” Bertholdt chimed in, leaning over Reiner’s shoulder to look at the frog. It was still for the longest time, Mikasa cupping her hands around Reiner’s in case it got the idea to jump loose.

  
“That’s great sweety, but frogs aren’t meant to be inside-”

  
“Levy look!” Reiner yanked his hands away from Mikasa, ignoring her completely in favor of his uncle.

  
“I can see it perfectly clear from right here.” He remarked. “Listen to Mikasa, Greg’s gotta go back outside.”

  
Reiner brought it up to Levi anyway, standing on his tip toes and reaching his arms high up to show him. Mike followed behind him, curiosity twinkling in his eyes at the small creature. Levi pursed his lips, looking for something to put the frog in before it got loose. “Look, he’s got little dots by his eye ball.” The blond pointed out. As Reiner went to bring it back towards his chest, the frog did exactly as was expected and hopped right out of his hands.

  
Levi reacted quickly, slapping his hands down on the table in an attempt to capture it, but Greg bounced away.

  
Mike sprung into action following it around. He barked at it, his tail wagging. The German Shepard ran after it, Reiner and Bertholdt both gasping.

  
“Oh no-” Levi did his best to follow the small creature around, hoping to chase it out the door before Mike caught him. Mikasa stood from her spot, swooping Annie up as she giggled and bounced, reaching her hands towards the dog.

  
Bertholdt and Reiner moved after the frog, but they were both slow to react, losing the frog every time it bounced onto a new surface .

  
They all stilled after a moment, Levi looking around him. “Where’d it go?” He questioned. Mikasa directed her eyes towards Mike, not wanting the kids to catch her reply. Levi looked at the dog, his tail wagging happily and his mouth just slightly ajar as he stared up at his partner. Levi already knew the answer to his question with that. He looked at the two boys as they began looking under surfaces and furniture for Greg. “ _Outside_.” He hissed in a low voice and Mike quickly obeyed, his ears tilted back.

  
“Where did Greg go?” Bertholdt asked, looking around on the floor. He had his palms flat on the ground, crouched down low as he searched.

  
Reiner pointed out towards the door. “Mike’s trying to eat him again!” And in a flash of movement, the blond bolted out the door. Bertholdt took a bit longer, having to balance himself and do his toddler waddle after Reiner.

  
Mikasa turned to Levi after that and busted out laughing. Levi shook his head in response. “You better hope Mike didn’t kill him.” She stated in between laughs.

  
“Kill who?” The two turned towards the hallway, meeting a very groggy looking Jean. He yawned loudly, his hand up his shirt scratching at his stomach. Eren followed behind him, moving past the man to head towards the kitchen.

  
Mikasa used Annie’s hand to fan him off. “Bert and Reiner’s new pet frog.”

  
Jean blinked, not at all interested anymore in the story behind that. His hair was bed head central, the entire left side of it pressed flat. He scratched his fingers through it as he walked towards the kitchen. Jean stopped, taking a look at everything. “….It’s clean.”

  
Eren had a cup of water in his hand. “Not according to Levi.” He commented and then took a drink.

  
Levi was going to snap back at him but Jean beat him to it. “Why?”

  
“Because Levi’s incredibly anal about the way things have to be done. I mean for shit’s sake, he bitched at me for the way I fol-”

  
“-No, why’s it clean.” Jean interrupted.

  
Eren blinked, confused as to why they had to explain themselves. He looked to his girlfriend for an answer but Mikasa rolled her eyes as if to say ‘C’mon you know Jean by now.’ “We thought it’d be nice to do.”

  
Jean grunted. He walked further into the kitchen and headed for the fridge. Mikasa continued to play with Annie and Levi went back to his task of folding up the laundry. Eren just watched as Jean lazily gathered what he needed to make a bowl of cereal.

  
“How’s your face?”

  
“Hurts.” He groaned.

  
“It looks better at least.” Eren set his glass of water down on the counter and pulled a chair up next to Jean. “Can I take a look?”

  
Jean sighed, leaning back in his chair as if to say yes. The brunette brought his hands up to Jean’s chin, pulling his hands back slightly as his friend instinctively flinched away. “…..sorry….” He mumbled as Eren’s fingers lightly made contact with the bottom of his chin.

  
“It’s cool,” He breathed back, eyes locked onto the damage. “Can’t say I blame you for it…” They both went quiet, Jean staring downward to keep himself distracted as Eren did his thing. After tilting his head in different directions, the brunette finally pulled back. “It’s definitely not as bad as I thought it was. A bit crooked though but you can barely tell.”

  
“Awesome.” Jean rarely ever meant that when he said it.

  
“How’d he do it?” Eren questioned. This brought everyone’s attention to Jean. Even if Levi and Mikasa weren’t looking at him, they’d slowed their movements to listen for a response. “The way it’s been moved is really strange. Doesn’t look like it was from a punch.”

  
Jean was quiet. He twisted the spoon for his cereal in between his fingers as he tried to get the words out. “…the counter.”

  
Eren’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “Like…he slammed your face against it?”

  
Jean locked eyes with him and nodded. Eren’s face still showed confusion and he stared back at Jean waiting for him to explain how. Jean let out a heavy sigh. “Grabbed me by my neck…” He mumbled. “From the back.”

  
Levi’s jaw tightened upon hearing, something working through his brain as he thought over Jean’s situation. Mikasa’s face saddened, quietly turning back to Annie to distract herself.

  
Eren just continued to stare at Jean. Eventually he broke his gaze and went for his water. “I don’t know how you put up with that.”

  
“Well it keeps him from going after the kids.”

  
Levi piped in then. “You mean he’s tried to?”

  
“No-no no, that’s not what I meant.” Jean instantly started back tracking, rubbing the sleep out of his eye. “Just.. If I didn’t let him take it out on me then they’re the next in line.”

  
Levi tossed the article of clothing in his hands to the side. “Jean you know I can’t let this slide.”

  
“Fuckin’ finally.” Eren retorted. It earned him a hard glare from Levi.

  
“Please don’t.” Jean huffed. He knew this was coming but he didn’t want to have this argument. “Please, I can’t lose them...”

  
“So-- I’m just supposed to sit here and wait for him to take it further and further until that bastard fucking kills you?”

  
“If that’s what it takes then yes!” Jean snapped. He turned his head towards his Uncle. “You said yourself those kids need me, who the fuck gives a shit if I get a broken nose if it means they have a home to live in?!”

  
“They do!” Levi fired off. “ _We_ do, Jean. It’s not right for those kids to grow up seeing this, and it’s not fucking right that Angelo gets to get away with it every single time.”

  
“Thank you.” Eren huffed in agreement. “This house isn’t the end-all-be-all. There’s cheaper apartments that are in better areas than here, and there’s plenty of help.”

  
“I told you we were going to get your whole ID situation sorted out when I’m free.” Levi added on. “And you’ve got rights. If Angelo doesn’t continue to pay the bills, you’ve still got your squatter’s rights to stay here until you’re able to move. That gives us plenty of time to get everything you need squared away.”

  
Jean buried his face in his hands. Why couldn’t they just back off when he asked them to? Why did they have to force change on him so much? “I can’t-”

  
“You can.” Mikasa cut in. “We are all here for you. Eren and I will be more than happy to look after the kids while you get all your stuff sorted out. They can stay over for a couple of days, a week or two if they have to.” She moved towards the kitchen with Annie in her arms to join in the conversation. Mikasa brushed her hair behind her ear, taking a seat across from Jean. “You’re doing the hardest part right now. Let us help make it easier on you.”

  
He didn’t respond. He didn’t take his face out of his hands either, he just sat there and thought over everything. It sounded so easy and so possible for them to do when they worded it that way but it couldn’t be that easy. “Next time.” Jean stated.

  
Mikasa stared at him waiting for an explanation but Jean brought his gaze to Levi when he pulled his hands away.

  
“Next time he hits me, I’ll let you do it.”

  
“No.” Levi replied quickly.

  
“Next time.”

  
“No, Jean I’m not letting him get away with it again.”

  
“Next time or I’m not going to help you with your fucking black mail project.” Jean snapped.

  
Levi’s movements halted to that, his eyes stared back at Jean but he couldn’t match the challenge that were in his hazel eyes. He sighed a heavy sigh, running his hand through his hair. “Next time he even lays a finger on you, he’s done.”

  
“What?!” Eren chirped in. “You’re not serious, are you?”

  
Levi rolled his eyes.

  
“What black mail project?” Mikasa questioned. Annie burbled at her like she was giving a reply. “What project could possibly be more important than Jean’s well-being?” Her voice shot up an octave, louder than Jean had ever heard her.

  
Levi took in a deep breath, closing his eyes as he tried to give his sister some kind of explanation. “I can’t….talk about it.” He huffed, having nothing to offer her.

  
Mikasa’s stare was hard, and Jean could see the relation between the two with the look she gave him. Levi ignored it, looking over his shoulder to check the time. It was getting around the time he usually passed out and with a three hour drive back home, he had to be careful of how he was feeling. He turned to Eren. “How late were you guys going to stay here?”

  
Eren shrugged. “I’ve got class at noon so not much longer. Maybe another hour or so.”

  
“Hn.” Levi thought for a moment, his eyes meeting Annie’s. She stared up at him with her fist shoved in her mouth and smiled a very drooly smile. Her blue eyes stayed locked with his, and her smile would drop just slightly before a giggle made its way out of her mouth.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years everyone c:

“So is it always going to be the face or will I get to play a guessing game one time?”

  
“I can turn around and leave, freckles.” Jean retorted sarcastically.

  
“No, no! Jean, I’m sorry!” Marco reached out towards him but stopped himself from actually grabbing the thin man’s arm. “I’m actually really glad you came.”

  
Jean tried not to smile, taking his seat in the booth across from Marco. It was the first time in years that Jean had ever gone to a restaurant, even if it was just a Coney Island. His eyes scanned over the place, taking in the detail. He wasn’t used to seeing these kinds of people. Young kids, and parents who didn’t want to cook but didn’t want to spend a lot of money on dinner. He felt guilty for being here without the kids.

  
It’d been almost two weeks since the incident with his father and Levi had been hammering Jean on hanging out with Marco everyday through it. When things finally fell into place, Levi pretty much threw him out the door. Get him to talk about his dad as much as you can! Hell, he was even talking about getting him a phone for the sole purpose of recording their conversation. There was a bit of desperation in Levi’s antics.

  
“You know, it’s actually a good thing that I have to talk to you through Hitch,” Marco propped his hand up under his chin. “My dad totally thinks I’m on a date with her right now.”

  
“Is that what this is?” Jean questioned with a teasing tone.

  
Marco rolled his eyes. “Do people even go on dates anymore?”

  
He shrugged. “Never been on one.” His hazel eyes turned to the table, looking at all the printed ads that were underneath the plastic surface. He was sure most of the places didn’t exist anymore.

  
“Not even like… a dumb high school date?” Marco questioned, looking surprised.

  
Jean glanced up at him. “…I dropped out. Didn’t get the chance to have a dumb high school date.”

  
“Oh.” Marco mumbled. He twiddled his thumbs underneath the table and looked off to the side. His chocolate eyes took a chance glance at Jean, wondering how he could always be completely unaffected by the awkward air they got put in. His gaze went back to the ground. “I don’t…” He bit his lip. “I don’t know if it’s okay to ask why or not.”

  
“Well… Hitch told you I was an addict, right?” Marco nodded and Jean shrugged. “There’s your answer.”

  
“You…started using in High school?”

  
“Middle.” Jean corrected.

  
Marco’s mouth dropped. He tried not to look so surprised but failed. “I..wow.” He breathed. “How do you even get your hands on something like that so young?”

  
“My neighbor.” Jean replied. “I got into a fight with my dad on my birthday cause he found out I was smoking pot and when I went to Sam, his solution was to shoot up.”

  
“Jesus--”

  
“--How’re we doing today?” Jean visibly flinched to the waitress that managed to slip right next to him without him noticing. She didn’t look bothered by it, her red hair tied back in a loose and short pony tail. She placed menus down in front of the two. “My name’s Hannah, and I’ll be your server for the evening, can I get you something to drink?”

  
Jean’s eyes shot to Marco’s in a panic, clearly not knowing what the hell he was allowed to drink. Marco smiled up at the waitress. “Coffee?”

  
“Did you want water with those?”

  
“Yes, please.” She smiled at Marco, pretty much pretending Jean didn’t exist at that point. He seemed perfectly happy with that, not liking being out of his comfort zone. She turned on her heel and sped off.

  
“Coffee’s fine right?” Marco asked.

  
“Yeah sure,” Jean shrugged. “It’ll be a learning experience.”

  
Marco stared at him, waiting for some kind of punch line. After a minute, he opened his mouth. “Are you trying to tell me you’ve never had coffee?”

  
“Couldn’t afford to buy it.” Jean turned his attention back to the display of advertisements.

  
Marco sighed. “You are one interesting person, that’s for sure.”

  
“Thanks.” Jean remarked. “Actually, maybe I should start asking questions for once.”

  
“I thought you didn’t want to know anything about me?” Marco teased.

  
“Well so far all I know about you is your dads the mayor and you like your hair pulled.”

Marco’s face went red, pulling the menu up to hide behind after the last remark. “So. Y’know…questions.”

  
His eyes peered over the menu, raising an eyebrow at Jean. “….Are you going to ask any?”

  
“Uhm…” Jean had to think. He couldn’t do what Levi wanted and just plow straight into questions as suspicious as those. That and he really didn’t want to. “Have you done any drugs?”

  
“No,” Marco answered, looking a bit surprised. “Well.. I ate some pot brownies once, does that count?”

  
“Sure.” Jean looked off to the side. “That was a stupid question to ask, sorry.” He mumbled.

  
Marco immediately dropped the menu in his hands. “No, No! Don’t apologize!” He fanned a hand in the space between them. “I just.. thought you would’ve asked something else is all.”

  
“Oh, yeah.” Jean started. “Probably should’ve asked what your favorite color was or something.”

  
Marco laughed. “I meant I thought you were going to ask me about my Dad.” He explained. Jean bit his lip. “That’s all anyone wants to talk to me about anymore. And between you and me, I’m completely exhausted with all the questioning.”

  
Levi did mention that he questioned Marco before. “So you’ve…been interrogated then? By the cops and stuff?”

  
Marco rolled his eyes. His body seemed to visibly slump. “Yeah, three times now. It’s only getting started too, I’m sure.” He sighed. “Not to mention all the news reporters and random people coming up to me.” Jean knew he had a chance to ask some questions here but he didn’t even know where to begin. How the hell did Levi do this for a living? “Man, there was this one cop though,” Marco started leaning in closer on the table. “You know how they have those movie tropes? The good-cop bad-cop thing?” Jean nodded. “This guy was like, the personal embodiment of all bad cops in the world. I don’t mean like.. bad cops that do illegal things, I mean like that trope.” That must’ve been Levi. That had to be Levi. Should Jean mention that he at least knew Levi? No, it’d probably make things complicated. “He was small, but was more terrifying than the other two I had to deal with. The other two were just annoying.”

  
Definitely Levi. “What’s it like?” Jean asked. “Being interrogated and all?”

  
Marco sighed. “Exhausting.” He paused from talking only because their waitress had come back around with their drinks. Marco made a comment about needing more time and after she left, he continued. “Like… I get it. My dad really messed up and they need all the evidence and statements they can get but god it hurts my head so much trying to keep it all together.” He scrunched his eyebrows together as he thought back on something. “It’s weird though.. That last cop that questioned me didn’t even ask about the whole scandal going on. Just about whether or not I was gay.” And there was the absolute information that it was Levi Marco had been intimidated by.

  
“That’s weird.” Jean commented, trying so hard to act oblivious. He would never make a good undercover cop if this experience was anything to go off of.

  
“Mm.” Marco hummed, taking a sip of the coffee in front of him.

  
Jean cleared his throat. “Maybe…” He ran his finger around the rim of his mug, taking in the heat of the ceramic. “That’s not what he’s really doing.”

  
“Hm?” Marco cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

  
“Like..” Jean withdrew his hand. He really needed to have a conversation with Levi to see what was okay to talk about and what wasn’t. He decided to just go for it. “Maybe that’s something he already knows the answer to and he’s just trying to get a read on you.” His hazel eyes moved up to meet Marco’s. “Like, to know when you’re lying or not.”

  
Marco took his suggestion and mulled over it with a sip of coffee. He shrugged and brought his chin back to resting on his propped up hand. “Be hard to know if I’ve told the truth when I haven’t yet…” He mumbled it to himself, definitely not meant for Jean to hear, but Jean heard all of it.

  
“What was that?” He questioned, but this brought Marco back to reality, and he immediately dismissed it.

  
“Oh, nothing.” He offered Jean a smile, but it was one of those ones that were clearly forced. “What’s your next question?”

  
“Right..” Jean held his eyes on him for a minute and then turned to take a drink from his water. He’d try the coffee eventually. “Do you like kids?”

  
Marco once again looked surprised by the question, but it didn’t stop him from answering honestly. “I’m never around any to have a real opinion on that.”

  
Jean raised an eyebrow at him. “Never heard that response before.” He commented. “Politics beat those words into you?”

  
“Sorry--” Marco mumbled, bringing his hands to his lap. “That did sound very political…” His eyes focused on something past Jean as he thought. “It’s just… Kids scare me a bit, y’know?” Marco rubbed his arm. “Like, they’ve got these big empty heads and they look up to you for everything. And they believe everything you say, so if you don’t say something exactly right, you could totally screw up their mentality.” He shook his head.

  
Jean laughed at him. He was right about not being around them enough apparently. “I think you’re over thinking it a bit there Freckles.”

  
Marco’s lips spread into one of his honest smiles and Jean felt that surge of panic run down his spine. It made him feel trapped all of a sudden and like he needed to find his way out of there immediately. “I’m sure I am.” Marco commented.

  
Hannah came around the corner then and finally squeezed an order out of the two of them. Jean took way longer than he should’ve, contemplating how much he was willing to spend on the food. Sure, Levi gave him the money for dinner, but if Jean didn’t spend all of it, then he could put it towards other things.

  
Like a new onesie for Annie, or better shoes for Bertholdt. Or another pack of cigarettes.  
Eventually Marco made the decision for him and after Hannah stepped away, he stared at Jean. It was clear the amount of stress the more expensive order put on Jean and Marco felt guilty for it. “Jean, you know I’m paying for this, right?” He asked.

  
Apparently he didn’t because Jean looked up at him like he was joking. “Why would you do that?” “Be…cause I’m rich?” He answered it in the one way he thought wouldn’t offend Jean at all. “Not to mention I’m supposed to be on a date with Hitch and if Dad looks at the statement and sees I only bought dinner for one, he’ll get suspicious.”

  
“Your dad seems kind of..stalker-ish.” Jean replied.

  
Marco shrugged. “He’s just….Over protective.”

  
Jean looked down and stared at the full and steaming cup of coffee in front of him. It smelled comforting and strong. He gripped the handle and hesitantly brought it to his mouth, catching the smug look Marco had on his face as he watched him try it. He had been right about it being strong, and the warmth from the liquid was in a way comforting as well, but there was a third thing in there that its aroma couldn’t quite catch.

  
Marco waited patiently for his review but was surprised to see him go for another sip. “…So?” He asked after Jean set the mug down.

  
“It’s…it’s delicious.” He replied.

  
“Really?” Marco questioned. Jean just nodded. “But you drank it _black_.”

  
“How else are you supposed to drink it?”

  
“With cream and sugar.” Marco pointed towards his mug to show the lightened color. “Or with cinnamon or whipped cream or something sugary. There’s so many different ways to drink coffee.”

  
Jean took another sip. “Sounds complicated.”

  
“You have to be bullshitting me right now, there’s no way you’re trying coffee for the first time and liking it _black_.” Marco almost seemed offended.

  
Jean just shrugged. “Well, it’s a bit bitter but it’s still good.”

  
“A _bit?_ ”

  
“Yeah, a bit.”

  
Marco rolled his eyes, giving up on it. He chuckled at Jean. “You are by far the most interesting person I’ve gotten the privilege to meet.”

  
Jean swore he might’ve felt his cheeks redden to that. How did someone who’s life must’ve been to be around people find anything in Jean interesting at all? He made a grunt of a noise in response and the two spent the rest of their dinner actually eating with a bit of small talk in between.

  
By the time they left the diner, the sun was already in the process of setting. Jean didn’t think they spent that much time in there. As they walked away from it in favor of a better scenery, Jean pulled his last cigarette out of his pocket. At least with Marco having paid for dinner, he could replace them.

  
The two ended up sitting on a park bench, Jean’s eyes watching the young kids slowly get replaced by teenagers who had nowhere else to go. He wondered if he could handle taking his kids to a park.

  
“So…” Marco broke the silence they were in, watching the same change in their surroundings. “Since I’m technically supposed to be on a date…” He took a minute to try and propose his thoughts. “Idunno, it’s still a bit early, maybe we could go see a movie or something?”

  
Jean pulled his cigarette from his lips and turned to look at Marco. “Are you asking me this because you _want_ this to be a date or you want your dad to _think_ its a date?”

  
Marco’s eyes went to the ground and his cheeks darkened. He mumbled something to himself, but Jean didn’t hear it. He exhaled a cloud of smoke and then slouched back against the bench.

  
“You don’t want to date me Freckles.” He replied with, eyes staring up at the warm colored sky. He’d forgotten momentarily that his reasoning for even hanging out with Marco was to get information out of him. He’d forgotten that this was technically the first time the two had hung out. He’d forgotten that the only past between the two of them was a rough night in the bar’s bathroom. All he thought about was the amount of pain a person like Jean would bring to a person like Marco.

  
It must’ve showed on his face, because Marco spoke up then. “You don’t…seem to like yourself very much, do you?”

  
Jean didn’t grace him with a reply. He just brought the cigarette back to his lips and stared upward.

  
“Look…Can I just..say something?” He questioned. “Like, without you cutting me off or interrupting, can I just get this out?” Jean shrugged and Marco continued with a sigh. “…I’ve got a couple of friends back home and they all…tell me that I fall for people too easily. I mean.. I guess I get it, I go in and out of relationships all the time, but what am I supposed to do?” His voice dropped a bit. “My last boyfriend cheated on me with some girl that worked at the library. I didn’t even like him that much honestly. He talked a lot and always disregarded any of my problems because I was rich so what problems could I possibly have?” Jean could’ve maybe argued that but he didn’t bother. “I went to Herman’s when we broke up and if I’m being honest, when I first noticed you, I thought you were only there to start shit with someone.” Marco took in a breath, playing with his hands. “But I saw how Hitch talked to you and how she talked to the other guys and I knew that couldn’t have been right. She would’ve sent you walking the second you sat down if that was the case.” Marco chuckled a bit at his own comment and then continued.

  
“When you first approached me, I thought you were trying to mug me. And I was totally okay with it. I think I might’ve wanted you to mug me or beat me up or something, Idunno.” Marco rubbed the back of his neck. “Then when you uh.. suggested.. You know..” He cleared his throat. “I forgot about Thomas completely and I didn’t give a shit about my dad. If anything I wish he would’ve sent someone looking for me then and walked in to that.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I know it sounds like a I’m rambling, but I’m trying.” Marco looked over to Jean as if to ask permission to keep talking.

  
Jean shrugged. “ S’fine.”

  
Marco let out a deep breath. “I guess… What I’m getting at is that.. I like being around you. You’re oddly comfortable to spend time with and I don’t find myself straining to pay attention so I don’t have to think about other things.” He ran his hands over his thighs to keep his nerves controlled. “Granted, you don’t talk much as it is, but when you do, it’s easy to listen to.” Marco shrugged. “Idunno, I’m just worried that you’re gonna run off the second I give you the chance to.”

  
“Marco,” Jean exhaled a heavy breath of smoke, consciously aiming it away from the guy beside him. “You’re a fucking moron.”

  
“What?” Marco blinked.

  
“A moron.” Jean repeated as if that was a good enough explanation. He shook his head and let his mouth hang open for a minute as he tried to figure out what to say. “I don’t even know where to begin with all of that.”

  
“Sorry, I probably should’ve kept-”

  
“Stop apologizing. You’re gonna piss me off if you keep saying sorry to everything.” Jean cut in. He held a finger up to Marco as the freckled man almost apologized for apologizing. “Look you’re the idiot for not high tailing it away from me when you had the chance to. That time in the bathroom should’ve been a one night stand. Everything about it indicated it to be, but for some reason you didn’t let it.” Marco seemed like he wanted to say something in retort but Jean didn’t let him. “This isn’t some fucking movie, alright? I’m not your goddamn damsel in distress. If you’re looking for a romance, you’re looking in all the wrong places.”

  
Marco’s face changed into one that looked slightly angered. “That’s not what I was trying to say. I said I _like_ you, not that I’m in _love_ with you. I want to get to know you more.”

  
“No, you don’t.” Jean snapped back. “You already know more than I ever would’ve told anyone and if that hasn’t scared you off, I’m sure I could find something to.”

  
“Try me.” Marco stated bluntly. “Tell me the worst thing about yourself and let’s see if that scares me off.”

  
“...” His eyes stared into chocolate and watched the challenge in them scream for him to accept. Jean looked away. A part of him wanted to blurt everything out, list off everything that would’ve sent Marco in the opposite direction. I have three kids. I have a brother’s who’s disappearance has affected me to the point I can barely function without having to tell myself ‘Farlan’s coming home’. My uncle is one of the cops on your dad’s case. I’m in complete belief that my mother’s death wasn’t an accident. I would be absolutely thrilled if it had been my dad in the car crash instead of my mom. The only reason I haven’t relapsed yet is because I’m trying to keep the kids until their real guardian comes home.

  
Jean let out a sigh of defeat. Marco’s expression softened as he watched the memories pass through Jean’s features. They sat in silence for a long moment, the sound of teens laughing off in the distance the only noise between them. Marco was trying to think of something to say. Jean was trying to think of a way to back out of this. They were both quiet.

  
A long moment passed until Jean felt a slight dip in weight at the end of his open jacket. It was such a familiar tug that he thought he’d see Bertholdt pulling at the end of his jacket, but Marco had a very lose grip on it.

  
His eyes stared at the thumb and forefinger barely holding onto him. He traced it back to Marco and saw him looking down, his other hand playing with his own zipper on his sleeveless hoodie. “..is this okay?” He whispered after a moment.

  
Jean didn’t say anything. He turned his head forward and stared at the emptying park. Something didn’t feel right with him. He wasn’t sure if it was the close contact with Marco or something he said, but he felt in danger. It wasn’t the kind of danger he’d feel when his Dad came at him, it was something else.

  
Marco was trying to force his way past Jean’s walls when Jean should’ve been doing that to him. It didn’t make sense that Marco found him interesting or comfortable or any of the things he’d listed. No one found that about him, that’s how it was.

  
_Freckles and Bruises, it’s like a highly dysfunctional relationship, you know?_

  
He hated that Hitch’s voice was popping into his head now of all a sudden.

  
“Jean..” Marco’s voice was quiet, his eyes still aimed downward. “You’re the only person that’s ever been an asshole to me just to be an asshole.”

  
Jean turned to look at Marco then. The cigarette that rested limply in between his fingers was brought back to his lips. Marco peeked at Jean from the corner of his eyes, offering him that same warm smile that made Jean’s nerves scream to run away.

  
“I think that’s why I don’t want to leave you alone.” His thumb brushed along the fabric of Jean’s jacket, the bruised man able to imagine the intimacy of the touch had it been against his skin. The smoke drifted between them in slow circles, twirling upward and spreading out into the air. It didn’t seem to bother Marco, his lips still spread in such a gentle smile.

  
There was something there between them for the briefest moment and Jean knew he had the option to decide what it was. Time felt slow while he thought on the words that came from the freckled man’s lips. He could push him away, flick the cigarette at his feet and storm off with a middle finger raised and back turned.. He could leave him.

  
Or he could take a chance, reach for him and let that smile of his make its way through the walls Jean built around himself. He could slip his hand in Marco’s and pull their bodies closer together, whisper a “You don’t have to,” against his ear and let him believe for a moment that life would give him a shot at something normal.

  
But things didn’t work that way, and Levi had decided the answer to this moment long before Jean knew it was coming.

  
Jean sucked on the end of his cigarette, letting the burn light up his lungs. He stared forward and with an exhale finally replied. “You must be a fucking sadist.”

  
Marco chuckled, but Jean didn’t let the withdraw of his hand go unnoticed. “Maybe.” He breathed, eyes turning forward. He brought his hands together in his lap, a look of content settling on his features.

* * *

 

“ _Bénissez-moi, Père d'Oet restaurer mon enfant--”_ The prayer ended abruptly, the women who spoke it having been interrupted by the sound of movement on the bed she sat in front of. “ _L’amour_?” Her voice was shaky, the french she spoke as broken as her heart felt. “Jean, darling?”

  
“Mom?” Jean finally cracked his eyes open, completely thrown into confusion at all the machines that surrounded him. He went to move his arm, but stopped when he felt the poke of plastic tubing jammed into the inside of his elbow. His eyes turned to his mother then, but before he could look at her, she’d thrown herself across the bed, arms wrapped tightly around him.

  
She said a lot of things, but Jean couldn’t understand any of them through her sobbing. With each minute that passed, he slowly started to put two and two together. The whiteness of the room gave him plenty of context clues to figure it out. He was in the hospital. The last thing he remembered was shoving a needle in his arm. His mom was here which meant that she probably found him.

  
A quiet sniffle yanked Jean’s attention away from the mess of hair he was buried in. His eyes turned to the opposite side of his bed, looking at the pair of chairs that were placed just outside of the door way, both of them occupied. Farlan sat in one, his hands together in a tight grasp in his lap. His hair was messier than usual, and his eyes showed that he hadn’t gotten much sleep. He sniffled again, bringing a hand to wipe at his eyes.

  
Levi sat next to him, his arms crossed over his chest and head dropped forward. He had unintentionally fallen asleep which must’ve meant that Jean had been there for quite some time.

  
His mom planted kisses all over his face, and if it hadn’t of been for the situation they were in, Jean might’ve felt embarrassed. His heart felt heavy, realizing that his family must’ve known now what he did. He felt small. Very, very small.

  
“Jean..” Farlan spoke up, his voice barely above a whisper. Jean wasn’t sure he could handle looking up at him, but he did anyway. His heart twisted at the redness that decorated his brother’s eyes. “Jean I-…. I saw you die.” He brought his hand to his mouth, like it would muffle the cry he was trying desperately to hold back. “Please don’t make me go through that again.” His voice sounded so frantic. He was begging him with every ounce of his being and Jean swore that would’ve been enough to keep him from ever using again.

  
He opened his mouth to say something to him-- to both of them--but the only thing that came out was a loud sob. Farlan quickly moved to his side then, taking Jean’s IV injected hand in with his and holding it gently. He ran his thumbs softly over his younger brother’s hand, hushing him.

  
Eleanor pulled back just slightly from her son and brushed his hair out of his face, her heart completely destroyed by the image in front of her. “You’re okay.” She breathed, doing what she could to tame Jean’s hair even slightly. “You’re okay now, we’re here.”

  
Neither of them had an ounce of anger in their body towards Jean, and he didn’t understand it. If it were his father here instead, he’d be receiving nothing but anger from him. But it wasn’t Angelo. It was his mom and his brother and the two of them were nothing but relieved that Jean was still breathing.

  
“You’re okay,” Eleanor repeated, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “We’re here for you. We’re both here for you, mon chéri.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready to meet Erwin?? *wiggles*


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter this time around c: hope you enjoy it!

“Are you sure this guy’s gonna be okay with this? I mean, you said he had PTSD, right?” Jean hopped out of his uncle’s SUV, shutting the door and shoving his hands in his pants pockets. “Won’t showing up with a stranger like, set him off or something?”

  
Levi moved towards the back of his vehicle, grabbing a duffel bag from it and then shutting the door. “He’s afraid of gunshots, not malnourished boys.” He commented, moving towards the front door of the town home they pulled up to. Jean was hesitant to follow, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. “He already knows about you. We’ve talked a couple of times over the phone, just haven’t met in person.”

  
“I could just wait in the car, you know. This is technically work related so I shouldn’t even be here.”

  
“You sound scared.” Levi called him out as he climbed up the porch steps. Jean rolled his eyes as he followed, not making a remark. “He’s a nice guy from what I can tell. He’s not going to go crazy on you or some shit, alright?” He didn’t wait for a response as he lifted his hand and knocked in a peculiar way against the white door in front of them.

  
There wasn’t any noise for a long moment, so Levi knocked again. “Mr. Smith?” He called out. “It’s detective Ackerma-”

  
The door cracked open then and the two both found themselves having to tilt their heads back to find a face. The one they were met with was tired looking, a scruffy hint of stubble decorating the frame of his face. His blond hair looked in the need of a brush, parts of his bangs dangling forward. He stood with half his body behind the door, his left arm crossed over his chest to hold the door open.

  
Levi looked so short next to this guy. He cleared his throat, adjusting the duffel bag in his hand and extending his free hand out for a handshake. It was the most professional thing Jean had ever seen him do. “Levi.” He stated as a very plain introduction.

  
The blond looked down at the outstretched hand and scrunched his eyebrows together in thought. He opened his mouth to say something but instead decided to push the door open further and stand to the side.

  
Levi’s face went white and Jean had to hold back from laughing at his uncle. “That wasn’t in the file.” Levi quickly mumbled to himself as he stared at the lack of limb in front of him. “That wasn’t in the file.” He repeated.

  
Jean brought a fist to his mouth to stifle a laugh, shooting his eyes downward. He was doing a horrible job at being mature in this situation.

  
“It’s not the first thing I think to mention,” The blond stated, moving aside completely to let the two inside. Levi brought his hand back down to his side and with a helpful shoulder shove from Jean, he stepped forward. The man took a look outside after they stepped in and then shut the door behind them. “And you’re…?”

  
The younger male cleared his throat. “Jean.” He sounded just like Levi.

  
“Oh right, Levi mentioned you.” He took a look towards the short male that stood awkwardly in the entry way and then turned back towards Jean. “Erwin.” There wasn’t a whole lot of conversation in the introductions it seemed.

  
Erwin turned away from the two and headed forward, leading them into an open living area. The town home was small, the staircase tucked close to the front door and the kitchen attached to the open living area. There was a hallway that interrupted the wall connecting the living area to the entry way, a bedroom and bathroom tucked at the end of it.

  
The blond pointed down the hallway with the one hand he had as he walked past it. “Bathroom’s on the left if you need it.”

  
Levi followed in after him, looking around the place like he was scrutinizing it. He recovered quickly from his earlier moment.“Rico said you haven’t shown up for therapy the past couple of sessions.”

  
“I haven’t.” Erwin admitted easily.

  
“She also said you never called to cancel them.”

  
“Correct.”

  
Levi lifted an eyebrow up at him. “So you just didn’t feel like going?”

  
Erwin turned to look at him. “There was a vehicle parked outside my house for almost three weeks straight.”

  
“When was the last time you left your house?” Levi questioned, tossing the duffel bag off his shoulder and landing it onto a table that Erwin had placed against the wall in the living area. Jean hesitantly walked towards the living area, standing in the hallway.

  
“My last therapy session.”

  
Levi let out a sigh, unzipping his bag. “Did you recognize the vehicle?”

  
“Of course I did.” Erwin stated, taking a seat on the couch. His blue eyes watched the smaller man as he dug through his bag.

  
Levi pulled out a few, random looking items. A screwdriver, a mirror and a flashlight. There looked to be a lot more technical equipment buried in the bag, but Levi didn’t seem to bother with it. “I’m going to do a quick sweep of the house and if I find anything suspicious, I’ll get a more thorough search done.” He zipped the bag up and gathered the items he removed from it. “Once the OK has been given, we can start setting up more protective measures for you.”

  
“Damn, this shit’s serious.” Jean commented. Both pairs of eyes turned to him and he instantly wanted to shove a fist in his mouth. This was why he wanted to wait in the car. Erwin’s eyes moved to Levi’s as if to ask if this was serious or not. Levi just rolled his eyes and started to head down the hallway.  
“Might want to get comfy, Jean. This’ll take a bit.” He stated as he walked past.

  
“What?” Jean questioned, turning his head towards Levi as he headed into the man’s bedroom. “Why didn’t you bring Mike? Wouldn’t that make this easier?”

  
“I was given a request not to.” Levi responded. He didn’t bother to explain how useless Mike actually would’ve been and instead abandoned Jean with the stranger in the living room.

  
Jean looked visibly uncomfortable. He shifted from foot to foot, looking for anything to grab his attention. Erwin didn’t seem bothered. The blond nodded towards the open chair adjacent to where he sat. “You probably should sit. You’re making me nervous the way you keep bouncing around.”

  
“Oh shit is it because of the PTSD?” He should probably have his mouth sewn shut. Jean bit his lip as he tried to somehow recover from asking something like that.

  
“Who is Levi to you again?” Erwin questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

  
Jean cleared his throat. “My Uncle. Sort of.” He shook his head. “Not really.” His eyes looked up to Erwin’s and he realized he had more explaining to do. “We’re not actually related.”

  
“Definitely could’ve fooled me.” There was a hint of a smile on Erwin’s lips but it was gone after a moment. A silence fell in the room and Jean finally decided to accept the offer of the open chair and sat down. He really wanted the excuse of needing a smoke right now, but that’d only push the awkwardness off to deal with when he came back.

  
“So,” Jean started, eyes looking at the tied off sleeve that dangled from the blond’s right side. “How’d you lose your arm?” That was okay to ask, wasn’t it?

  
Erwin seemed used to being asked that. “A bomb went off where I was stationed.”

  
“You had your arm blown off?” Jean asked with surprise.

  
“No,” Erwin corrected. “The bomb blew up the building I was in. My arm got caught under some rubble.”

  
“Damn,” Jean mumbled, thinking over the words. That sounded painful. “What’d you do to get out of that?”

  
“Nothing.” Erwin sat back against the back of the couch, eyes staring off in the distance. “I was stuck there for what felt like ever until someone found me. Went unconscious and when I woke up, I was missing an arm.”

  
Jean didn’t say anything. He made a breath of a noise as a reply but stayed quiet. Erwin seemed to appreciate that, his only hand reaching to grab his nonexistent arm. It dropped to his side when it met air. Jean decided to distract himself by examining the finer details of the town home. It didn’t feel lived in at all the longer Jean paid attention to it. Erwin didn’t seem to have ever fully unpacked from when he moved in.

  
Whatever business Levi had been doing had spread through the hallway and then down into where they sat. Both Jean and Erwin watched the smaller man with curiosity, but Levi was quicker to move out of their view. He was taking apart the outlets and looking inside them for hints of any bugs apparently. Any electrical source seemed to be his go to, moving through ceiling fans and lights in an attempt to find something. Eventually the cop made his way upstairs, mumbling something about the amount of dust on his way up. Jean and Erwin still sat in silence. The younger male really wished Levi could’ve left him with his phone or something, that way he could at least be entertained. Erwin really didn’t seem to mind the silence. He almost seemed like he preferred it. His blue eyes would glance over the windows occasionally, but he never moved from his spot.

  
How long was it going to take Levi to finish up with his searching? Jean let out a sigh, drumming his fingers against his thigh. It was so quiet inside they could hear each footstep that his uncle made upstairs. Erwin did nothing. He sat in his spot, his blue eyes looking around his home like he was a stranger to it just as much as Jean was. He was stoic and quiet and every second that passed made Jean less and less comfortable.

  
“Do you smoke?” Jean blurted out after another agonizing moment of silence.

  
Erwin’s eyes shot to him, his expression unchanging. “No.”

  
“Fuck man,” Jean rolled his eyes and sighed. Stealing a cigarette would’ve at least gotten him some fresh air.

  
“Is that why you haven’t been able to sit still?” The blond questioned.

  
“No it’s this fuckin’ silence.” Jean threw his arm forward. “There’s no tv on, no music playing, no radio show-there’s nothing and it’s driving me nuts.”

  
“It’s unsettling,” Erwin added on, turning his gaze forward. “But it’s worse for me when there’s something playing.” Jean didn’t know what to say. He didn’t really know what he meant by that. The blond seemed to understand that and explained himself further. “The PTSD isn’t as bad as it sounds. It mostly makes it hard for me to sleep, but I can function on my own just fine.”

  
“So,” Jean thought a moment, trying to remember what Levi had mentioned about this man before. “Does it have something to do with that car that was out front you talked about?”

  
Erwin’s eyes moved towards the front window, like he was checking to see if that vehicle would be there. “Levi’s probably told you way more than he was supposed to, I’m guessing.”

  
“Probably. Can’t say I was really listening to him.”

  
“So you know about the suspected murder case with the Mayor then?”

  
“The what?” Jean repeated. “Shit, I knew Levi said there was more than just the money laundering, but Mayor Bodt murdered someone?”

  
Erwin looked surprised, expecting Jean to have been on the same page as him. “If.. he hasn’t told you, then maybe I shouldn’t talk about it.”

  
Jean rolled his eyes. “He’s got me spying on someone for him, he’ll have to tell me eventually.”

  
Erwin’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “Spying? Who could that be?”

  
“Hey, you first. You’re the one that got us on this subject.”

  
“Fair enough.” Erwin stared at Jean for a moment and once again found himself watching out the window. “I used to work for the Mayor a couple months back, after I’d been discharged. Got the job through some government program to help soldiers get readjusted to the home life.” His eyes left the window, letting out a huff of air as he continued. “I just sort of did things that Mr.Bodt told me to do. It was mostly driving him or his wife around, or running errands for him. Kind of a pathetic job, really.” Jean hummed in agreement, feeling that Erwin had much too big a build to be the Mayor’s bitch. “He asked me to take care of something for him. I saw things I shouldn’t have and Mr.Bodt found out about it.”

  
“Oooh,” Jean cooed in understanding. “Levi’s checking for anything that could kill you then.”

  
Erwin nodded.

  
“And you think that car that sat out front was a death sentence for you?”

  
Another nod.

  
“So not only are you suffering from PTSD, but you’re too paranoid to get a hobby?”

  
“...That’s… one way of putting it, I suppose.” Erwin pondered on Jean’s choice of words.

  
“And now a cop’s going to be babysitting an ex-soldier.” Jean quirked an eyebrow up at Erwin. “Seems funny when you put the two of you together that Levi’s protecting you.”

  
“Soldier or not, I can’t do much with one arm.” Erwin pointed out. “Levi’s also the only cop that I feel like I can trust.”

  
“So his height and size don’t bother you?” The blond man shrugged. “That’s a first.”

  
“Does Levi typically bring you along while on duty?”

  
“No,” Jean flopped backwards in his seat. “But I’ve been with him enough to see how fast people judge him.” He let out a sigh and then smirked at Erwin. “It’s funny when Levi’ll show his badge and people still manage to be cocky,” A memory flashed across his face for a moment, looking up at the blond as he got ready to explain it. “We stopped at a gas station once for something to drink and when we went to go check out, there was this huge guy at the counter with a gun. Like he might’ve made you look small even.” Erwin didn’t seem offended, just curious. “So, Levi’s off-duty and all but he’s still got everything on him. I mean he just got off work and he made it really clear he didn’t want to deal with the whole situation to the guy. He just went ‘Really?’ and flashed his badge.” Jean shrugged. “Guy didn’t even care, just pointed the gun at Levi instead. He also called him ‘little man’ which was the first time I’ve ever heard that used.” He dismissed the thought and then continued on. “Anyway, Levi climbed that guy like a fucking tree. I still don’t know how he did it, but he managed to flip him onto his back and disarm him all in one move.”

  
“Sounds like some form of a take down.” Erwin commented, probably recognizing the move Jean described.

  
“Sure,” Jean mumbled, quieting himself. The blond didn’t seem the least bit impressed by the story, or like he had paid attention even. He just stared at Jean for a long moment.

  
“You really look up to him, don’t you?” He finally said.

  
“W-what?” Jean stammered snapping his gaze to the blond’s. Erwin had a small smirk on his face, like he could read right through the younger man. His attention shot away from Jean and towards the stairs.

  
Levi was coming back down, a scowl on his face. “That room up there is a fucking mess,” He commented, removing a pair of gloves that neither had seen him put on. He shoved them in his pocket and then moved towards his duffel bag. “News is I didn’t find anything.” He dropped the items he was using for his search inside a side pocket. “So I don’t think you’ve been bugged at all.” He grabbed the handles of the duffel bag and yanked it off the table. “As for the mystery of the parked vehicle, I don’t have anything on it. If it comes back, give me a call and we’ll get someone out here to do a plate scan, see if we can at least figure out who it belongs to.” Erwin didn’t look relieved to hear it. If anything it seemed to unsettle him more that nothing was found. Levi stared at him for a moment. “You gonna be able to make it to your next session?” He questioned, sounding a little less professional.

  
Erwin didn’t answer him. He looked to be in deep thought as he contemplated over that vehicle that seemed to be haunting him. Levi waited patiently for a reply.

  
“You know you can’t get your meds filled if you don’t go.” He added on.

  
Erwin let out a sigh, shifting in his seat.

  
“Have you even been taking them?” Levi questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

  
“When I feel like I need them.” Erwin finally spoke.

  
Levi let out a long sigh, rolling his eyes. It seemed like everywhere he went, he had to deal with a bunch of kids. “They’re not a take as needed drug. You have to take them when you’re supposed to.”

  
“They make me drowsy.”

  
“That’s what a lot of medicine does. And with the way you look, you could use a bit of sleep.” Levi tossed the duffel bag over his shoulder, somehow managing to look down on the blond man. “There’s going to be a couple officers stopping by here until I get all my shit together and officially set up camp. In the mean time, maybe you can distract yourself by cleaning up that disaster up stairs so I don’t have to.”

  
Jean chuckled. Of course he’d mention that. Erwin locked eyes with Levi and for a long moment, neither of them said anything. It seemed like they were challenging each other with their stare, like who ever looked away first was going to be the one stuck under the other’s command.

  
Levi broke the eye contact and turned to Jean. “We need to get down to the station while we’ve still got time to look into Ellie’s belongings. See if we can find any of your shit.” He nodded towards the door and Jean stood from his spot, doing what he could to not let his mom’s nickname bother him. Levi turned back to Erwin. “Go to your fucking therapy session. I’ll give you a ride if I have to, just make sure you’re there or my boss is gonna lose his shit.”

  
“Understood.” Erwin replied with. He stood up to follow them out, more likely than not to get a glance up and down the street and to dead bolt the door.

  
“Nice meetin’ you.” Jean waved, sounding much less sincere than his word choice would allow. Erwin nodded back as the two men stepped out his front door. Sure enough, the sound of the locks moving into place could be heard the moment the door was shut.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (•᷊᷄ṏ̮•᷊᷅) sorry guys, I didnt even realize sunday had come and gone with out an update. Its been a busy week for me. Hope you all enjoy!

The station Levi had been talking about was the one he worked for of course. The one that was three hours away from where they just left. Needless to say, Jean really wasn’t looking forward to the drive. He wasn’t sure how Levi dealt with it, driving back and fourth all the time just to drop off a few groceries. They were an hour into the drive and Jean already felt restless. He had a hard enough time of sitting still back at Erwin’s but this was testing him in an entirely new aspect. At least Levi had the radio on, even if it was super low.

  
They pulled up to a red light, Levi letting out a yawn as he stared forward at the car in front of him. “People drive so fucking slow when you’re in a cop car.”

  
“Well yeah,” Jean replied. “I would too if I drove.” His eyes turned towards the window, noticing how much nicer this side of town looked. “Cops are assholes.”

  
Levi huffed. “Thanks.”

  
Jean turned to him then. “What? You hate them too.” His uncle didn’t respond to that. “The only reason you even became a cop in the first place was because of Farlan, right?”

  
“So?” Levi remarked. “Doesn’t make me any less of a cop.”

  
Jean didn’t say anything. Levi drove forward, making his way onto the highway and letting silence settle between them. The light rifts of a rock song tried it’s best to fill the car, but with the low volume it was on it failed to do so. There was singing, but the lyrics couldn’t be made out. “Do you think they died fast?”

  
Levi took a quick glance at Jean, unable to see his expression from the way he stared out the window. The question was so abrupt and sudden, he thought for a moment he was just hearing things. “I don’t know Jean.” He replied, his voice low. “I try not to think about it.”

  
“Isn’t it your job to think about it?”

  
Levi didn’t want to admit that the words hit him harder than they should have. He opened his mouth to say something but the words never came. Jean didn’t say anything else. He sighed and kept his attention on the passing scenery. It was too easy to get lost in thought with such a long car ride in front of him. Commercials played in the background but it wasn’t loud enough to interrupt his thoughts. Jean used to think that if Levi worked his family’s case, then he’d get all the answers he needed. He was learning fast that it wasn’t true. Levi wasn’t a magician who could suddenly make everything right again. His attention went to the radio when the volume changed, a familiar tune playing.

  
Blue Oyster Cult. Jean’s eyes looked from the radio up to Levi, noticing the melancholic expression he wore. He only knew this song because of Levi and he knew it didn’t bring any good memories to the man. Jean slumped a bit in his seat.

  
_Seasons don't fear the reaper_  
 _Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain, we can be like they are_  
 _Come on baby, don't fear the reaper_  
 _Baby take my hand, don't fear the reaper_  
 _We'll be able to fly, don't fear the reaper_

  
Jean had to take in a deep breath as the music grabbed hold of him. It bloomed questions about his mother and brother, wondering what happened. He wondered if his Mom had been scared the entire time she sat pinned in the vehicle, dying. He wondered if someone had taken Farlan, or if his brother had left his mom on his own accord. He wondered if his Mom ever accepted her death. He wondered if she died peacefully, or if she was in pain the entire time.

  
_Love of two is one_  
 _Here, but now they’re gone_

  
“Did I ever tell you about my mom?” Levi’s voice was barely a whisper as he brought up the one topic Jean knew never to talk about. He didn’t say anything, he just waited for his uncle to continue. “She used to work for some guy down where the underground is, sleepin’ around and all.. Caught something from one of his clients and the guy dropped her like a bag of trash.” Jean tried not to think about how the music was enhancing everything Levi said. “I think she knew she was dying…” He mumbled, his mind somewhere else. “This was all she listened to towards the end. I don’t think I ever hated a song as much as this one…”

  
_The candles blew then disappeared_  
 _The curtains flew then he appeared, saying don't be afraid_  
 _Come on baby, and she had no fear_  
 _And she ran to him, then they started to fly_

  
Jean took a look at Levi. The look he had on his face was just a hint of the one he remembered seeing years and years ago. It was the only time he had ever seen Levi cry and Jean knew he wasn’t meant to see it. It was back when his family all lived under the same roof and Farlan and him had to share a room.

  
Levi was over because Levi was always over. They always kicked Jean out of the room, and Jean always fought to get back in. Sometimes Levi would let him and sometimes Jean would give up and draw out in the hallway or backyard. This specific time, all Jean wanted was the materials he had stuffed into his back pack that he left by his bedside, but Farlan was insistent on shoo’ing him away.

  
He didn’t leave. He pounded and whined on the door, frustrated that Farlan just wouldn’t give him his bag. If he couldn’t hang out in his own room, he should at least be able to grab things from it.

  
Finally after much arguing through the door, his brother had yanked it open. “Here’s your stupid backpack.” He snapped, shoving it to his younger brother. The door was only open for a few seconds but it was open long enough for Jean to catch it. He saw Levi’s face clear as day as he sat in a curled ball by his bed. He was shaking and sobbing, his cheeks covered in trails of tears. Levi turned his head away just as Farlan shut the door, but Jean still caught the small joint Levi had brought to his mouth before he was shut out.

  
Jean turned his eyes towards the road in front of them. That had been the day Levi’s mother passed away. His uncle never talked about her to anyone besides Farlan, so Jean didn’t ever really know what had happened.

  
“I still miss her.” Levi breathed. “It’s been years and sometimes I feel like she only just died.” He went quiet for a moment, taking in a breath as the last bits of the song began to fade out. He clicked the radio off before it officially ended. “You’re going to miss them. And you’re not going to stop missing them.” He paused to collect his thoughts. “But you can’t keep doing this to yourself.” Jean turned to look at him, lost. “Whether or not they died fast-- It doesn’t matter. You gotta stop being so hung up on what happened.”

  
“We don’t even fucking know what happened.” Jean spat.

  
“I know but-” He cut off into a sigh, eyes staring at the road even though his mind was somewhere else. Levi didn’t finish his thought. Jean watched him for a moment, waiting for something else. It never came.

  
They both sat in silence for most of the remainder of the ride. The radio was never turned back on, the both of them lost in their own minds as they drove down the lightly littered highway.

  
“There’s a chance that your paper work’s not going to be in with what we took for evidence.” Levi spoke up. Jean’s eyes fell to his lap, really not wanting to think about that. “We might have to go to Ellie’s storage unit.” He took a glance over at Jean, trying to read his expression. “Are you gonna be okay for that?”

  
Jean turned his head towards his passenger window. He didn’t answer at first because he didn’t know. He hadn’t been there yet since his mom died and he was sure seeing it wouldn’t be easy. Hearing her name alone threatened to bring tears out of him. “Don’t call her that.” He mumbled, letting the smallest sniffle escape. “Makes it worse.”

* * *

 

 

Jean wasn’t sure what to expect when they arrived at the police department. There was a part of him that thought it’d be similar to the way the tv shows always depicted them. He thought for a moment he’d walk in to a huge area with high tech computers with important information stationed on the monitors.

  
It definitely wasn’t anything like that.

  
They walked into what looked like a waiting room for a doctor’s office. There were doors aligned all along the walls that must’ve led to much more important places but it didn’t get rid of the waiting room feel. There was a thick glass that separated the front desk from the waiting room, next to it hung a huge bulletin board. The very top part of it had the words “Have You Seen Me?” sprawled across it, the board filled with pictures of missing people with basic information under it.  
Farlan’s pictures was towards the top, pinned slightly over another person’s. Jean turned away the moment he made eye contact with the image.

  
The man that sat at the front desk straightened as Levi approached, giving him a confused look. “Hey boss,” He greeted. “Ain’t you supposed to be off tonight?”

  
“I am off.” Levi replied, shuffling through his keys to get the right one in the keyhole of the door. “Jean-Ivan, Ivan-Jean.” He was fast with the introduction, the two only sparring a glance and a weak wave at each other. “Who’s shift is on duty tonight?”

  
“Nanaba’s.” Ivan replied.

  
Levi let out a long sigh that almost sounded like a groan. He took in a breath and then twisted the door knob. Jean and him both stepped through, making their way down a long hallway. They passed a couple of doors but with out any windows, Jean had no idea what they led to. They walked through a second set of doors and down another hallway until Levi came to an open doorway.

  
This room was filled with people. There were desks set up in a peculiar way in the center, making the place look like a cluttered office cubicle. Jean noticed that the conversations being held all halted when Levi walked in. All eyes were on them as he completely ignored it and made a b-line for his desk. Jean followed, looking around at the group of people.

  
His eyes fell onto a girl with strawberry orange hair and he leaned closer towards Levi. “Hey isn’t that your--”

  
“--Shhh--!” Levi hushed, making Jean shrink inward. He mumbled an inaudible sorry and then stood awkwardly in front of Levi’s desk. Something didn’t feel right at all. It was more than just being in an unfamiliar atmosphere too. He took a glance at all the people sitting at their desks and noticed how they leaned in closer to each other as they made small gestures towards the two of them.

  
Jean wanted to ask his uncle what the deal was, but he shut up. Looking over Levi’s desk he just barely caught sight of a piece of paper with an insult scribbled over it. His uncle yanked it off the spot it was taped to and crumbled it up. Jean cocked an eyebrow at him.

  
Levi let out a sigh. “I’m not very well liked here.” He tried to keep his voice low but it was impossible not to be heard with how quiet it had gotten.

  
“That’s an understatement.” Jean turned his head to the man sitting at the desk directly across from Levi’s. He had his feet propped up and was leaning back in his chair. His hair was parted down the center and his chin was decorated with patchy facial hair. His tone was very passive-aggressive. “What’re you doing, Levi? No one wants you here.”

  
Levi set his phone down on the desk and bit his cheek. It was clear he was doing everything he could not to spit an insult back at the man. “Lookin’ for something.” He turned to Jean then. “Sit here for now. I shouldn’t take long.”

  
He walked out of the room then, Jean noticing the way all the eyes in the room followed him. He scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion, never before seeing Levi get that kind of reaction out of people.

  
Jean turned to the guy that spoke to them. “What the fuck was that?”

  
He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “He’s unbearable to be around.” Jean stared at the man for a moment, then glanced over at everyone else. There seemed to be some kind of mutual agreement between them all. “He couldn’t keep a partner to save his life, so they gave him a dog. Now he’s getting shipped off to some guys house cause he’s too much even sitting at his desk.” Jean took a glance at the name tag on the man’s shirt. Flagon Darlett. If he wasn’t standing in the middle of a police station surrounded by people holding various weapons of sorts, he might’ve taken a shot at the guy. Flagon looked up to Jean and smirked. “Feel sorry for the sucker that’s gotta live with him.” What a tool bag. Flagon looked like he was expecting some kind of laugh or chuckle from Jean, clearing his throat when he was met with nothing but silence. He nodded his head towards the door. “So uh, here’s a question.” He pulled his legs off his desk and spun in his chair to face Jean. “How do you deal with him?”

  
There were so many answers Jean could give the man, but there wasn’t enough time to list them all off. He stared down at Flagon and watched the cocky grin on his face start spreading. “He saved my life.” Jean said it with a sharp snap, completely wiping the grin off the man’s face. “Feeds my kids.” He shrugged his shoulders. “He’s digging through my dead mom’s stuff for anything that could prove my identity right now, but you know,” He turned away from the man and walked around the desk to sit at it. “Totally unbearable.”

 

No one talked to him after that. Flagon kept to himself, and everyone else kept to their quiet conversations. The one woman Jean recognized was ignoring him with her entire being and he knew it was due to her past with Levi. Jean spun around in the desk chair, head leaning over the top and staring up at the ceiling. There were vents with thin strings of paper dangling from the slits, and he’d counted them all about a dozen times now.

  
He turned his eyes to look at Levi’s desk, noticing how neat and clean it all was. There wasn’t much to look at, aside from a couple of binders and a cork board propped up on the left side of the desk. Each desk had one, so Jean didn’t pay much attention to it. Now that he was facing it, he noticed Levi actually had some pictures pinned to it.

  
At first he thought they were photos related to cases he was working, but after taking a second look, he realized he recognized some of the faces.

  
Jean scooted closer to it, looking at the very bottom one. It was the most damaged, creases interrupting the photo from being folded. The picture was a bust shot of a woman with thick black hair that matched the same color of Levi’s. Her face was a dead giveaway of who she was, her features almost identical to his uncle’s.

  
Jean hadn’t ever met Levi’s mom but the gentle smile she had on her face felt so familiar. She was absolutely gorgeous and she looked so young in the photo. He wondered how old she was when the picture was taken and how it compared to when she passed.

  
He brought his eyes to the photo above it, his heart twisting as he stared at the face of his brother. The picture was taken at the desk he was sitting in now, Levi passed out at it. There was a girl Jean didn’t recognize in the photo, but it was clear that she worked here if her badge was anything to go off of. Her red hair was tied off into short pigtails, a wide smile on her face as she held two peace signs close to her eyes. Farlan was on Levi’s opposite side, smiling at the camera as he held a piece of paper above Levi. The word ‘Loser’ was scribbled on it, an arrow pointing downward at the sleeping Levi in the photo.

  
The photo above it surprised Jean. He found his eyes looking at his own face, a surprisingly nice photo despite how bitter he looked in it. He remembered that day. It was the day Farlan first introduced Jean to Reiner and Bertholdt. His mom had been thrilled about it, and did nothing but take pictures all day. Jean was standing in the living room of Farlan’s place, holding Bertholdt in his arms. His face was pissed off looking, while he glared down at Bertholdt, the young boy’s head covered by the red beanie he snatched off of Jean’s head just moments ago. His small hands were pulling it down over his head, but all that could be seen was the big grin on his face. He was so tiny looking there.

  
The photo above that was one of Mikasa and what Jean assumed to be the dad that her and Levi shared. She didn’t talk to her father anymore and it made Jean wonder why Levi even had a photo of him here. He wondered if it was the only one of Mikasa he had. He wasn’t exactly the type to take pictures or even ask for any so it was likely.

  
The last picture he had pinned to his board was of the three kids, and it was one Jean remembered his mom taking. She had tried so hard to get a nice looking family photo of them but they had absolutely refused to cooperate. The photo she ended up catching showed Reiner with a hand slapped to his cheek appearing beyond bored. Bertholdt was looking down at his belly button, his hands pulling his shirt up to see it. Annie had a fist shoved into her mouth, looking off frame at what Jean thought was probably Farlan. He remembered her breaking out into a cry just a moment after the photo was taken.

  
He let out a sigh staring at the photo. He hadn’t seen the three of them since before he hung out with Marco and staring at the picture of them now made him realize how much he missed them.

  
Jean looked over all the photos a second time, staring at Farlan and the kids. He would’ve given them such a good life if he was still around. They never would have experienced anything that they went through back at home. Farlan would’ve showered them in nothing but care and love and he wouldn’t dream of letting a day go by with out stuffing their faces.

  
Eleanor would’ve helped. She would’ve spoiled them rotten any second she got the chance to. His mom had already spent her time sewing up cute outfits for Annie and teaching the boys how to do simple tasks.

  
Now Jean wasn’t even sure if he could manage teaching Annie how to walk. Or Talk, or how to count or read. He didn’t even know if Reiner or Bert knew anything about reading. The three of them were already given an unfair shot at life, sentenced to an orphanage until someone found them cute enough to take home. Once Farlan had freed them of that sentence, he was ripped right out of their grasp and they were dumped into the care of a junkie.

  
Jean had been so deep in his thought, he didn’t hear Levi approach the desk. He followed Jean’s gaze to the picture of the kids, knowing how much he missed them from the expression on his face. Levi reached towards the desk, grabbing Jean’s attention as he picked up his phone. Jean turned to face him, noticing that he came back empty handed. “Did you find anything?”

  
Levi shook his head. Jean let out a heavy sigh, slumping in his seat. “C’mon,” Levi mouthed, nodding towards the door. Jean spun out of the chair and stood up, not sure if he was ready to face the next task they had to deal with.

* * *

 

It was already moving into the evening by the time Levi pulled up into the parking space of the storage unit building. Jean did everything he could not to let his mind wander into dark territory. He tired to focus on the speckled tiles they walked over. He tried to focus on the bright orange of the metal panel doors of each unit they walked past. He tried to focus on anything that didn’t make him think of his mom.

  
Levi proposed staying in the car, but Jean refused. It didn’t feel right to make his uncle search blindly all on his own when Jean might’ve been able to narrow down his documents location.

  
They arrived at the designated orange door all too soon. Levi hesitated, waiting for a confirmation from Jean before he unlocked it. The younger male took in a deep breath, looking at his uncle with eyes that screamed he wasn’t ready for this.

  
Levi crouched towards the ground to grip the handle and with a short yank, he pulled it up. The hallway lights shone into the entrance of the unit, highlighting the stacks of brown boxes scattered towards the front. Further back was stuffed with large pieces of furniture, and random items that didn’t fit quite right into boxes placed where ever they would fit.

  
His uncle stepped in and turned on the light for the unit, ridding it of the thick shadow it was once covered in. Everything could be seen much clearer. Jean didn’t move from his spot as Levi skimmed over the labels of the boxes near the front. His uncle was very cautious to pay attention to Jean’s reaction as he reached out towards anything. He knew what a loss could do to someone and he knew Jean to have a quick reaction to things.

  
Jean finally moved, stepping into the unit and walking right past the boxes. His eyes looked at the lifeless furniture tucked in the back, dust covering it. It didn’t look right at all. The surfaces were empty when it should’ve been piled high with photos, jewelry, and miscellaneous decorative pieces. It felt like the life his mother had given it died right along with her.

  
He brought a shaky finger to the wooden surface of his mother’s old vanity dresser, feeling the rough texture of it. The corners were chipped and the entire surface of it was covered in scratches from its use. The mirror that rested on top of it was cracked in the lower corner, the single crack spreading upward. Jean looked up at his own reflection, the broken nose he had highlighted by the bright fluorescent light. He wasn’t used to seeing himself in this kind of lighting, the lights at home having a dark orange tint to it. If he was being honest, he looked about as bad as he did when he first got sober. His skin was pale in a very unhealthy looking way. He had dark bags under his eyes and the skipped meals showed in the way his cheeks were sunken in and his collar bones poked out more than they should have.

  
Jean pulled his jacket closer together as he looked away from it. His lip quivered, staring at the china cabinet opposite of the dresser. All the dishes and special glass dolls his mom collected were missing from it. He reached his hand out towards the missing knob, brushing his finger over the hole where the screw used to be.

  
His mom used to hide some of her savings in the glass angel she had.

  
Jean only knew that because he used to steal from it to pay for his drugs.

  
He clenched his jaw together to keep himself from crying. His mom knew he took it, she knew between Jean and Farlan it was him taking it. Still she kept it there, up until Jean got shipped away to live with his dad.

  
A single tear escaped, slipping down his cheek as more threatened to come. He was such a piece of shit to her. He was exactly like his father. Angelo hurt his mom deep, breaking her heart by letting alcohol destroy the bit of morality he had. Jean followed right behind him, taking his mother’s broken heart and stomping on the pieces that were left. Eleanor was too sweet though, she would’ve gladly swept up what she had left and held it back out to him had she still been here.

  
Jean’s fingers moved towards the one knob that was still there, lightly tugging it open. It made the same creak he knew it would.

  
“Jeanbo?” Eleanor’s voice was so clear. Soft, hurt, but perfectly clear. “Jeanbo, what’re you doing up right now? You should be asleep.”

  
“Just.. Just lookin’ at the Angel’s ma.” What a shitty reply he had given her. He might as well have spit on her at that point. Like he woke up just to stare at her glass collection of Angels.

  
His mom watched him. She knew what he was doing, she just didn’t know how to help him. She didn’t know how she could save him. Eleanor approached him, crossing the cold kitchen tile towards the living area, afraid if she moved too fast he’d leave.  
“Baby…” She breathed, her thin hand sliding up his shoulder. “Go to sleep.” She was begging him, the both of them knowing exactly what she was asking. Don’t sneak out. Stay home. Stay sober. “You need rest, you look so pale.”

  
“I look fucking fine.” Jean had snapped at her, shrugging her hand off her shoulder.

  
“Of course you do,” She hushed, bringing her hand back to her side. “Just please.. Please stay home tonight.” Eleanor’s voice was shaky.

  
“I already made plans, I’m going out.” Jean was so demanding. He pushed past her, ignoring the way she choked up. He moved towards the den and headed for his shoes. They were both in silence as he slipped them on, a heavy weight in the air.

  
“Y-…You’re staying home.” Eleanor raised her voice to him, but her confidence wasn’t there. She didn’t demand her boys to do anything, it didn’t feel right to her. “I’m telling you to go to bed.”

  
Jean was already starting to tweak out from the withdrawl since his last hit. He didn’t have patience in the first place, but he had even less of it now. “Or what?” He shot his mom down immediately, breaking what confidence she might’ve had. “You’ll fucking ground me? Like this place isn’t prison enough.”

  
Eleanor stared at him. Her eyes locked onto his, desperate to keep him from going out. She didn’t know what to do to get through to him. A part of her thought it was already too late for that, but it never stopped her from trying. Nothing would ever stop her from trying.

  
Jean turned away. He pulled a jacket out of the coat closet, ignoring the way his mom stared at him. The faster he left, the faster he didn’t have to think about it.

  
“Jean.” Eleanor didn’t give up. She waited for him to turn to her, but he never did. Finally she brought her voice up, raising a finger towards the outside. “If you walk out that door, you are not welcome back in this house.”

  
That grabbed his attention. His hazel eyes met hers and she thought for a split second her threat might’ve worked. Jean slipped his jacket on over his shoulders and turned for the door. “Bye.” He cooed, turning his back on her.

  
How could he have been so heartless? His mother was the sweetest thing on the planet and he treated her like she was garbage. He treated her worse than Angelo did.

  
Jean never registered moving to the floor of the storage unit. He didn’t remember slipping along the china cabinet or crying out as loud as he was. One hand was pressed flat against the wood near the bottom, while his other hand was clamped over his mouth to stifle the noise. “I’m sorry..” He cried out. “I’m so sorry.” The words probably couldn’t be understood through his muffled sobbing, but they still slipped past his lips. “Please come back.” He would give up anything to have her back. It wasn’t fair, Angelo and him were the shitty pieces of the family, why did the good ones have to be taken from him?

  
Why did Angelo still get to breathe and walk while Eleanor rotted away in her grave? The world would’ve been much better off with Eleanor and Farlan in it instead of him and his father.

  
Levi watched Jean. He remained stoic as he watched the younger man fall apart beside him. He knew he couldn’t help him. He knew there wasn’t anything to help heal the pain of losing a mother from personal experience. As often as it was said, time really was the only thing that could heal that wound.

  
He took in a deep breath, reminding himself of why they had come there in the first place. Levi ignored Jean as he sobbed and moved towards the first box closest to him. He made sure to be quiet and cautious as he opened it, his eyes met with a box full of picture frames. His breath hitched, wondering why this was the first thing he came across.

  
As much as Levi didn’t want to admit it, Eleanor had forced her way into an important part of Levi’s life. After his mom died while he was still so young, she did everything she could to help fill the motherly role he was missing. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t hurt him when she passed away.

  
Levi ignored the faces in the pictures and dug through the box in hopes of getting any documentation for Jean so the two could get out of there.

 

After almost an hour of searching, Levi finally found a catalog envelope tucked with the information he’d been searching for. Jean had gotten through his heart break, but he hadn’t assisted in the search at all. He sat on the floor with his head buried in his arms, his knees pulled close to his chest. If he didn’t have the kids to take care of, Jean was sure he would’ve found a way to join his mother. It wasn’t like life was really offering him anything worthwhile.

  
Levi didn’t have to say anything to him. He just flicked the light off and gave him a gentle nudge and Jean was up and out of there.

  
Neither of them were up for another three hour drive back to Jean’s place, so Levi went back to his. He wouldn’t have enough space for the kids to sleep, but he had a couch that Jean could crash on while the kids stayed with his sister for just another night. He made a mental note to call her and let her know after he took care of Jean.

  
Levi’s apartment was exactly what someone would expect it to be if they knew him at all. It was small, and neat. There wasn’t a lot of furniture, but it made the place feel bigger than it actually was. Mike was quick to happiness upon seeing his owner home, his tail thumping against the carpet as the two stepped inside. Levi led Jean to the couch, watching as he dropped onto it like a bag of bones. He knew taking Jean to Eleanor’s storage unit was going to affect him in some way, but he didn’t expect this.

  
Jean’s eyes were red and puffy, his nose a similar rosy color. The purple that covered the center of his broken nose stood out more, his gaze staring down at his socks. Levi should have known what to do, but he didn’t. He lost his mom at a younger age than Jean, but he remembered nothing helping. It was one of three times Levi ever smoked pot in his life and that was because he was desperate to escape his own thoughts. Jean didn’t have that option. He was battling the loss of his mother. He was battling the longing for his brother. He was battling his past addiction. All of those demons were wearing him down and he still had to stand as strong as he could for the kids he didn’t ask for.

  
Levi pulled a blanket over Jean’s shoulders and then used the remote to turn on the tv. The volume was low, the beginning of the string of late night talk shows starting. Aside from the subtle flinch, Jean didn’t move. Levi kept his eyes on the skeleton of a boy.

  
“Are you hungry?” He asked, not expecting a response from him at all.

  
Jean blinked, bringing his head up slowly. His eyes danced around the room for a moment, like he was just registering that he was in Levi’s home. He turned his eyes to his uncle, hazel meeting blue.

  
“I’ve got some leftover pasta.” He offered. “Or those microwavable things. I can’t cook for shit so that’s all I got.”

  
“Pasta’s fine.” Jean mumbled. His hand reached across his chest to grip the end of the blanket. He pulled it closer around him as he tilted his head towards the tv. He was trying and that was all Levi could ask for. Mike seemed to sense that there was something very wrong with the skeleton on the couch. He crept close to Jean, offering him all the comfort a dog could without demanding his attention. Jean subconsciously rubbed a hand atop the dog’s head.

  
His uncle lingered for a second but then turned towards the kitchen. He returned a couple minutes later with two plates, passing one off to Jean and then sitting down with his plate in the open spot on the sofa. Jean scooted closer to the opposite side, mouthing a thanks. He set the warmed plate on his lap and picked up the fork, poking at the noodles. Levi didn’t think he would eat it. He didn’t look like food was his top priority, but to his uncle’s surprise, Jean scooped a small bit of the pasta into his mouth. He chewed slowly, clearly in deep thought as he twisted the fork between his fingers.

  
Jean swallowed what was in his mouth, setting his fork down on the side of his plate. “I kept that money you gave me.” He murmured.

  
Levi scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion as he chewed his food. He didn’t remember giving Jean any money.

  
“Marco ended up paying for the food, but I kept the money anyway.”

  
Levi’s face relaxed, realizing what he was talking about. He took a glance at Jean, but he didn’t say anything. His nephew just sat there, looking guilty. His hazel eyes turned to Levi for a moment before shooting back down to the ground.

  
“Aren’t you going to scold me or something?”

  
“Why would I scold you?” Levi questioned.

  
“Because I fucking stole it.”

  
“You _stole_ it?” He repeated, raising an eyebrow at Jean. After not getting a reply, he sighed, setting his plate on the coffee table in front of them. “It was twenty dollars, I didn’t expect you to give me that back.”

  
Jean’s mouth parted to say something, but he closed it a moment later. He opted for staring at the noodles instead.

  
Levi decided to change the topic. “How was hanging out with Marco?” He leaned on the arm rest of the couch, looking at Jean. “You never said how that went.”

  
“It was fine.” He mumbled. His uncle waited for more. Jean sighed and took another bite of the food. After chewing it, he looked at Levi. “He said he likes me. Thinks I’m interesting and shit.”

  
“Isn’t it a little soon to be falling in love with someone?” Levi questioned.

  
Jean shook his head. “No, not love. Just likes.” He turned his head to the side to stare at the white walls. “Says he’s afraid I’m gonna leave or something.”

  
“Sounds more than just likes to me.” Levi commented. He mulled over what Jean told him, trying his best not to let the case completely consume his thoughts. “What do you think of him?”

  
“I don’t know.” Jean shrugged. “He’s…” How did he begin to explain it? “A nice distraction I guess.”

  
“When are you going to see him again?”

  
Another shrug. “Have to talk to Hitch and see if he’s messaged her at all.”

  
Levi let out a sigh. “That’s a lot of work to make plans.”

  
Jean didn’t say anything but he seemed to agree. He turned back to his food and decided to work on that. Levi left him to that, thinking over some choices he could make. He had a little over a week until he had to be moved in with Erwin, and during that time he needed to make sure to get Jean set up with at least a state ID. He didn’t know how long the case was going to drag on or how long Erwin would need protection, but his lease was up anyway so he might as well try to save some money. Even if he was only at Erwin’s for a week, it’d still help. Especially in the gas it always took to drive out to Jean’s.  
Levi would worry about finding a new place to lease when he needed to. For now he needed to focus on how to best help Jean.

  
“He said he hasn’t ever told the truth yet.” Jean suddenly said.

  
Levi turned to him, pulled from his thoughts. “What?”

  
“Marco. We got on the topic of him being interrogated.” Jean poked at his food with his fork. “I told him you were trying to get a read on when he was lying and he replied with ‘that’s hard to do when I haven’t told the truth’ or something like that.”

  
“Was that all you talked about?”

  
“No,” Jean decided he was done eating, setting his plate next to Levi’s. “He mentioned you. Like he didn’t say your name or anything but I knew it was you.”

  
“How so?”

  
“Because you scared him shitless.”

  
“Good.” Levi commented, the smallest hint of a smirk on his face.

  
“Also because he called you small.”

  
Levi scoffed, the bit of pride he felt a moment ago completely smashed. “Little shit…” He mumbled to himself.

  
Jean smiled. He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes, like he was trying to soak up the moment. The man next to him wouldn’t dare to admit he was okay with being called small if it meant Jean feeling slightly better. Levi decided then to leave Jean to sleep, realizing that the younger man must usually already be in bed around now. He stood from his spot, taking the food with him. Mike’s head popped up from the floor when his partner stood, waiting to see where he was going.

  
Jean opened his eyes as Levi stood, letting out a yawn as if to verify his uncle’s suspicion. “Levi?”

  
His uncle stopped, turning to look at him. Jean didn’t make eye contact. “Did ma ever talk about me? When you and Farlan would visit her?”

  
“All the time.” Levi replied. It wasn’t a lie either, she would switch topics onto Jean the second something about him crossed her mind. “The first thing she’d ask was why you weren’t with us.”

  
“Did she hate me?”

  
Levi paused, wondering how Jean came to that conclusion. “No, not at all.” He replied. “She was worried about you. And missed you.” He went quiet, watching the way pain crossed Jean’s face. “We were all worried about you.” He added on.

  
Jean didn’t say respond. He stared up at the ceiling, thinking back to the china cabinet in his mom’s storage unit. He wondered what box contained the angel he’d taken a part so many times. “Did Farlan?”

  
“Did Farlan what?” Levi questioned. “Hate you?” Jean nodded. “Of course not.” Even if it wasn’t true, Levi wouldn’t tell him. But it was true. “He blamed himself for you getting into drugs. Felt like he wasn’t around enough to stop you from it.”

  
“That’s stupid.” Jean mumbled.

  
“That’s the same thing I told him.” Levi waited a moment longer to see if Jean needed anything else from him, but when Jean said nothing, he decided to leave. He took care of the dishes and then flicked the lights off, Mike trotting after him. Jean had already made himself comfortable laying on the couch, his eyes staring at the tv in front of him.

  
Levi left him to his own devices, heading towards his room to finally sink into his own thoughts.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ this chapter is actually one of my favorites in this fic so i hope you enjoy

Jean’s week turned out to be a lot busier than he had hope for. The kids were all wound up with energy from being at Eren’s and now that they were home they demanded Jean’s attention as much as they could get. Angelo had yet to come home, something Jean really appreciated. The last thing he wanted was to have his nose end up in worse condition because his dad couldn’t control his temper.

  
He hung out with Marco three times that week. The first time he saw him, things were still in the awkward getting to know you phase. Marco was still careful about what he asked and Jean was still forcing himself to think of things to ask.

  
The second time they hung out, things felt a lot smoother. He wasn’t sure if it was because Marco did something different or Jean did but it felt more natural. It seemed like before the two of them had been trying to force the cogwheels of their interaction into moving by pure force instead of stepping back to realize they were missing the one piece they needed. Then, at some point during the time they hung out, it was like they stumbled upon the missing cog and the two of them haphazardly tossed it in it’s needed place. Maybe it was because Marco decided to take a less serious approach to Jean and said something that made the poor guy choke on his cigarette.

  
“Oh my god I am _so_ sorry,” Marco had apologized, trying to offer anything he could find to Jean to help him.

  
Jean tried desperately to control his coughing, but failed. Choking on pop was one thing, but choking on smoke was an entirely new level of pain Jean never wanted to experience again. His throat felt like sandpaper had been dragged through it with each cough that ripped through him. Never mind how much his lungs burned, or eyes watered. His face was red and each time he coughed, a puff of smoke rushed out of his mouth and nose. He looked like a broken down car.

  
Marco finally offered him a water bottle and Jean took it, trying to control his coughs enough to drink something. He finally managed to calm down, taking in a deep breath to really free all the smoke that was in his lungs. He took another drink of the water and then passed it back to Marco who was staring at him with worry on his face. He eased up now, smiling at him. “Better?” Jean gave a half nod, deciding he no longer wanted the cigarette that was burning slowly in between his fingers. “I always wondered what smoking was like. People always think that I’m all high and mighty cause I don’t smoke but I’ve honestly just never been offered--”

  
“--Oh no, no, no,” Jean interrupted. “We are _not_ about to gloss over what you just said.”  
Marco gave Jean a very innocent look, like he couldn’t possibly know what else was left to talk about.

  
Jean decided to repeat his statement to him. “You shoved a _brush_ up your ass?”

  
“Well not the whole thing,” Marco stated like that made it any better. “It was just the handle.” He shrugged, content on ending the conversation with that.

  
Jean wasn’t going to let him. “ _Why_?!” He questioned.

  
Marco rolled his eyes. “I was _fourteen_!” The man beside him stared at him longer, waiting for further explanation. Marco let out a quick scoff. “Oh come on, like you were never curious about that! You had to be if you’re sleeping with men!”

  
“Yeah,” Jean started. “But when I wanted to know what a dick felt like up my ass, I went and found myself some dick.”

  
“Don’t make it sound like it’s that _easy_.” Marco drew out the word, adding emphasis to it. “I didn’t actually lose my virginity until I was 18 and I pretty much _threw_ myself at guys.”

  
“That’s because you wait for it.” Jean stated. “You probably would’ve gotten laid a lot sooner if you just asked.”

  
“Who the hell goes around and just asks for sex when they’re a teenager?” Marco retorted. He turned to Jean to see him making a face that clearly said ‘I do’. He shook his head. “Of course that’s what you did.” Another thought crossed his mind. “Well, what about all the emotions and nerves? What the hell do you do about that?”

  
“I mean, I was on heroin for the most part and that shit made me feel like a king so,” Jean expected to have ruined the conversation with such a mood killer.

  
“Okay but what if you’re not on that? And you’re also dealing with the worst oily skin imaginable and for some reason thought it was totally logical to pretend the handle of a hair brush was close enough to a penis that it’d be okay to jam it up your ass?”

  
Jean wanted to appreciate the way Marco didn’t seem to care about the drug mention, but couldn’t due to the laughs that escaped his lips. He shook his head. “I.. .I don’t know man, that’s a tough one.”

  
Marco’s face lit up watching Jean as he smiled and laughed. It was the first time he heard him let out more than just a chuckle and he really liked it. When the thinner of the two finally settled down with a smile, he turned to Marco and raised an eyebrow. “What? Why’re you looking at me like that?”

  
Marco shrugged, turning his eyes downward. “You’ve got a really cute laugh.” He was blushing when he said it and Jean made sure to ignore it the best he could.

  
The third time they hung out was just as natural. It was like it was something they always did and they were simply picking up right where they left off. Hitch made sure to pound it into Jean’s head that she was cheering on for a relationship, but Jean always shot it down. She would never mention that he fought the idea less and less each time she brought it up though.

  
When they hung out that time, Marco had decided to pick Jean up from the bar. It was the first time Jean ever got into a vehicle with Marco and he was stunned at the high quality of it. Of course Marco had a nice car, he was rich. It was such a small detail that Jean had honestly just completely forgotten about. He forgot that Marco was rich. He forgot that he was the son of the mayor. He forgot the only reason he was talking to Marco was because Levi all but forced him to.

  
Jean hadn’t even tried to get any information out of Marco in regards to the scandal, and he didn’t feel like he would be any time soon.

  
He slid into the passenger’s seat after spending too much time trying to figure out how the handle worked. It was smoothed in with the rest of the door, but he could _see_ it. Marco pressed a button and then the handle popped out. Jean couldn’t imagine what the inside had.

  
He was right to be surprised, the entire dashboard sleek and modern looking. The middle console looked like it had an Ipad slapped right into the center of it, the radio somehow a part of that screen along with every other feature of the car.

  
Everything on the dashboard was digital. There wasn’t a single thing that looked familiar in any other car Jean had been in. Why wasn’t Levi driving in one of these things? It seemed like he could’ve handled catching criminals a lot more if the shit a cop car had cluttered in their vehicle was replaced by this.

  
Jean must’ve been staring too long, Marco raising an eyebrow at him. “You okay?”

  
“I feel like I just went to the future.” Jean stated, not recognizing hardly any of the features of the vehicle.

  
Marco smiled and pressed a button and Jean snapped his eyes to him when the lights clicked on. He thought he might’ve just started it but there was no key. There was no ignition he just now realized. Jean couldn’t even feel the engine purr or any of the things he knew meant the car was on.

  
But it had to of been on because a moment later, they were moving. Saying he was blown away was an understatement. Marco either didn’t notice or didn’t care, because he never questioned Jean about how surprised he was.

  
“My mom’s a marketing manager.” Marco explained like that somehow told Jean what kind of future he’d been shipped off to. “She makes a lot of money on top of what we already have so my parents like to splurge a lot.” He shrugged his shoulders. “This car was a gift to me for being ‘such a good son’.” He rolled his eyes after saying it.

  
“If you guys are so good on money, why the fuck did your dad feel the need to launder it?” Jean questioned.

  
Marco looked uncomfortable. He turned to face the road, remaining quiet. Jean thought he wasn’t going to answer it, and it almost made him mad. It wasn’t fair families like Marco’s got to have whatever they damned well pleased while families like Jean’s fell to pieces.

  
“I don’t think he did it for the money.” Marco mumbled.

  
Jean raised an eyebrow to which Marco let out a sigh. “The news hasn’t really been putting out all the right information but it’s at least got part of the scenario right.”

  
“I don’t pay attention.”

  
Marco seemed to have guessed that. “Yeah.” He bit at his lip, like he was deciding whether or not to say what was on his mind. “That.. that one cop.. I can’t remember his name to save my life..” He thought for a moment but then rolled his eyes. “The one I told you about? The small scary one?”

  
“Yeah okay,” Jean adjusted his seat for more leg room, stretching his legs out as he did so. “What about him?” Gossip on Levi was oddly enticing to him.

  
“Well, a little over a year ago he busted one of the bigger drug dealers in the city. Granted, the guy wasn’t important enough for the rest of the networking system to come for him, but he _was_ important enough to leave a bit of an impact on the city.” Marco came to a red light, taking his attention away from the road for a moment. “That cop must’ve gotten lucky with him or something.” If it was Levi, it wasn’t ever luck. Jean kept that thought to himself. “But ever since then, the crime in the area that guy worked dropped.. Which doesn’t make a lot of sense if you ask me.” He mumbled the last part, but Jean didn’t bother thinking on it. “Anyway, the cops got their quota limit increased which meant they were hitting down on crime even more and because of that all the “criminals” per say were forced to look for business else where.”

  
“So people were moving and your dad figured he’d make some money?” Jean didn’t understand where Marco was going with it.

  
“Sort of.” He hadn’t been serious but Marco took it that way anyway. “People were leaving so the city was loosing money and population. It wasn’t nice enough to bring in better families, and it’d become too risky for drug dealers and do’ers to stay so it started becoming vacant.”

  
“What does that have anything to do with your dad’s shit storm?” Jean questioned.

  
Marco accelerated the car after sitting on a green for longer than he meant to. No one was behind him so it didn’t really matter. “Cause Dad tried to fix it.” He turned down onto a main street. “Sort of. He decided to up the cop’s work even more, but he moved them all to Stohess. The place where literally nothing ever happens aside from speeding tickets and drunk accidents.” He let out a sigh, shrugging his shoulder. “Then he started pushing drugs back into the city and brought the old drug dealers and do’ers back.”

  
Jean scoffed. “Your dad’s a fucking moron.”

  
Marco seemed to agree. “I would use the term asshole, but moron works too.”

  
“So you don’t like your dad then?” He questioned, not quite sure how far Marco’s dislike went.

  
“Not at all,” Marco stated. “He sent me to a gay conversion camp and wouldn’t let me come home until the Pastor there declared I’d been “saved”.” He features dropped at the memory, it clearly not having been a fond one.

  
“How’d that work out for you?” Jean teased.

  
“Oh it was _such_ a joke. A long, traumatizing joke.” Marco let out a huff of air. “I gave my first blow job there.”

  
“Seems like it was working.” Jean drummed his fingers against the pack of cigarettes in his pocket. He wasn’t even going to be stupid enough to ask if it was okay to smoke in a car this nice. Jean looked over to Marco, noticing the way his face was contorted in deep thought. He must’ve been thinking about that place. “How long were you there for?”

  
“I don’t know, they didn’t let us keep any of our stuff.” He tried to guess. “I think it was a month?”He shook his head. “No it was longer than that.” He finally gave up with a sigh. “It was miserable and it felt like I had been there for a century.”

  
“So how’d you give your first blow job there?” Jean wasn’t sure what was okay to ask and what wasn’t on a subject like this.

  
Marco seemed to think for a moment, like he wasn’t sure he wanted to open up that box of memories he had to get to in order to answer his question. “The camp was only supposed to be a four day long thing. So I got hooked up with a hotel and stayed there when camp wasn’t in session. It was just a circle of reinforce, suffer, relax.” Marco decided then to pull into a fairly empty parking lot. He didn’t seem to want to lose focus on driving while talking about this. “So the first week I’m there, it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. I mean I was terrified when I got there because of everything with my dad, but it wasn’t as scary as I thought it’d be. I met a lot of really nice people there. Including a blond guy about my age and half my size that I thought was _really_ cute.”

  
He turned to face Jean, moving his seat back a bit to get comfy. “The blond kid is there for the same reason I am. He came out, parents didn’t like it, he got shipped out. We kind of stuck together through that and on his last day there I blew him in the makeshift confession booth.” Jean raised an eyebrow. He wanted to point out how Marco had told him before that ‘hit it and quit it’ wasn’t his thing. The freckled man must’ve picked up on it, rolling his eyes to the face Jean gave him. “Yeah, I know. You don’t have to say it.” He turned his head down, looking a bit embarrassed. “I kind of thought that guy was going to stay in touch…Like we’d write to each other and have this stupid pen-pal relationship until we could both finally slip away but-” Marco tossed his head back against the car seat. “Never heard from him again.” Jean could tell that hurt the poor boy back then. He could see in Marco’s face that he never really got over that, the heart break he felt resting on his face.

  
Jean played with a loose string on his jeans. He didn’t feel all too comfortable talking about this subject much anymore, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to learn how else that place had affected him. “Was it bad?”

  
Marco nodded. “Not at first. But the longer I was there, the worse it got.” He twirled his finger in a circle on the dividing console. “The pastor started using me as an example of what not to turn to and all that each week. It was absolutely humiliating, sitting there and having some guy who didn’t know a goddamn thing about you tell you how shitty of a person you were.” Talking about this was bothering him and Jean could tell.

  
He cleared his throat. “We don’t… have to talk about this you know?”

  
Marco shook his head. “No, it’s okay. Feels kind of nice to finally talk about it.” He offered a wimpy smile. “Besides I kind of feel like I owe you for all the stuff I know about you.”

  
“Alright, fine then,” Jean turned towards the window trying to ignore the sentiment in Marco’s voice. “What’s the worst thing that happened? The absolute _worst_ thing they did to you there? Tell me that and we’ll call it even.”

  
Marco cringed. His jaw tightened thinking it over and Jean thought maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have asked that. “They.. They uh.. Made me touch this girl.”

  
“Whoa, what?” Jean repeated. Now that. That was fucked up.

  
“Not like, _rape_ her but.. I mean that’s what it felt like to me.” Marco shivered thinking about it. “She volunteered for it, so it wasn’t like they forced her to but they forced _me_ to.” Jean looked down at his lap. Even with money life could still be shit apparently.

  
Marco’s skin had gone a little pale. In the few moments he’d begun telling Jean the story, he’d slipped back into the moment that happened so long ago. He hated that pastor and he swore there was a legal case somewhere in there with what had happened.

  
The pastor was exhausted by Marco. Even though Marco followed everything as he was instructed and pretended as much as he could, the Pastor seemed to take it upon himself to personally see that this child was “saved.” And he totally believed he had done that too.

  
That night, during the last week Marco was there, he stood the poor boy up in the center of the room and brought a cute girl up there with him. “Put your hands on her. _Feel_ her.” Was what he had been instructed to do. Marco didn’t listen. He didn’t move, he didn’t acknowledge what was said, he just stood there thinking to himself ‘he’s not really going to make me do this, is he?’

  
But he did. And that woman who came up there had helped. She took his hands and led them to her waist, guided them along her figure and over almost every inch of herself just as the pastor had instructed to. Just when he thought the worst was over, he demanded they kiss. He demanded Marco’s first kiss be with some insane religious driven woman he had never met until just a few moments ago.

  
“I’m here to help you,” She had told him. Marco decided getting it over with was the only option he had left at that point. He wanted to go home and if surrendering his first kiss with the lady in front of him made him closer to that goal, he’d do it.

  
And he did.

  
And all Jean did was stare at him as Marco went through the story. When Marco finished, he turned his head away to stare out the window, suddenly not feeling up to being around anyone.

  
“So they publicly… _backwards_ molest you and wipe that off their consciousness because it was in an attempt to save you?” Jean summarized. He scoffed afterwards, leaning back. “Fuck religion.”

  
Marco agreed. To an extent at least. He knew that religion wasn’t all bad but his personal experiences with it always left a sour taste in his mouth when it was mentioned. There was beauty in religion too, he knew that. That didn’t necessarily mean he had to like it.

  
“What’s the plan?” Jean questioned, knowing a change in topic was needed. “I mean, I’m fine with sitting in an abandoned parking lot but luck and I don’t really get along.”

  
Marco didn’t reply. He was still staring out the window, completely lost in his own mind. Jean would’ve nudged him, but because of his own dislike for being touched without warning, he opted for just calling his name. “Marco?”

  
Marco snapped back to reality then, turning to Jean with a fake smile on his face. “Hmm?”

  
“Where to?”

  
Marco looked around at where they were. He didn’t have a clue honestly. At one point he thought he had some idea of where to go, but he just wasn’t in the mood for any of the things he had been previously interested in. He dug into his pocket and then pulled out a sandwich bag of something Jean really didn’t expect.

  
“A guy at the bar gave me this when I was waiting on you. I don’t know why I kept it. I thought you might smoke, but didn’t want to just assume that.” Marco explained. “I don’t know what to do with it now.”

  
Jean took the bag from him and examined the buds inside. He handed it back over to Marco. “Smoke it.”

  
Marco had a surprised look on his face. “What? No I don’t- I haven’t-”

  
“-It’s just pot.” He stated nonchalantly. “And you said yourself the only reason you didn’t do anything was because no one offered.”

  
Marco looked down at the baggie of weed, contemplating. He turned to Jean with a lost expression. “…I don’t…know how to.”

  
Jean chuckled and then nodded his head towards the street. “Take a left out of here and head towards the gas station up at Main and Hazel.” Marco put the bag into the dividing console and then did as Jean had instructed.

  
When they arrived at the gas station Jean directed him to, Marco idled in a parking spot. Jean just stared at him. “You going in or what?”

  
“I can’t.”

  
Something felt familiar about those words, but he didn’t let himself think about it.

  
Marco turned to look at Jean, his face filled with anxiety. “What if they recognize me here? What if that guy in there turns around and tells my dad?”

  
Jean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we gotta get you smoking.” He mumbled under his breath. Jean looked out at the gas station and then back to Marco. “Do you have cash on you?”

  
“Yeah, of course.” Marco reached into his back pocket and dug out his wallet, cracking it open and then turning to Jean. “..Uh.. How much do you need?”

  
Jean tried not to eye what was in his wallet but he couldn’t help himself when he saw the small stack in there. Even if it was singles, it was more than he had in the past month. All he needed was a grinder and something to smoke with. A bowl would be the cheapest route, but Marco didn’t seem concerned with that. Sixty would’ve been plenty for Jean to splurge on. Some reason he found himself blurting out another amount. “Eighty. Maybe. That’s highballing it.”

  
“That’s it?” _That’s it?_ Jean wanted to repeat it with a scoff but refrained from it.

  
“I mean I could say a bigger number and just pocket the difference if you want.” He joked but a part of him was definitely serious about it.

  
Marco smiled and then dug an amount out and passed it off to Jean. Jean didn’t bother looking at it, stuffing it in his jacket pocket and stepping out of the way too luxurious vehicle.

  
He didn’t waste a lot of time in the gas station, the guy at the counter watching him like a hawk. Yeah he looked a bit shady, but he also looked like a punk teenager who would be too nervous to buy a box of condoms from the place. Jean looked over the small yet decorative collection of bowls and very few bongs. He couldn’t remember what he had smoked out of when he first tried it, but figured a bowl would’ve been safer for a first timer.

  
Not that he really cared about that. He also really liked the way the bowl tried to mimic the look of the galaxy. Jean grabbed what he needed and a water bottle as an after thought and headed towards the register. The guy relaxed with what Jean set down, clearly relived to see he was dealing with a pothead and not a mugger. When the total came up, Jean went to pull the wad of cash out Marco had given him, but he damn near almost had a heart attack when he finally looked at them.

  
Marco sent him off with a colorful amount of cash and just glancing at it, Jean could tell it was well over three hundred dollars. “Holy _shiiit_ \--” He hissed under his breath jamming it back into his pocket. Was Marco trying to get him fucking killed?!

  
The guy at the register hadn’t seen the cash pile, but he raised an eyebrow at Jean to the sudden panic on his face. Jean tried to just pull single bills out of his pocket as opposed to showcasing how much someone as frail as him had on him. Finally he got enough and passed it over to the guy, nearly darting out of there the second the exchange was over. Jean slipped back in the car, shutting the door harder than he meant to. Marco looked at him with curiosity.

  
Jean pulled the cash from his pocket. “What the fuck is all this?!” He snapped.

  
Marco looked down at it and then back to Jean. “Don’t know.” He feigned ignorance, shrugging. “I didn’t know you carried loose cash on you.”

  
Jean stared at him, his jaw open. He didn’t have words. After a moment he shook his head. “Look, I was gonna try and pocket like twenty bucks from you, but I can’t take all of this.”

  
“Jean,” Marco started with a sigh. “You need that more than I do. My parents give me so much money I don’t know what to do with it half the time. Just take it.”

  
“Just take this much money?”

  
“ _Yes._ ” Marco retorted. “Now can we do this already before I chicken out?”

  
Jean shut up. He wanted to keep arguing, but Marco literally had nothing to lose there. He was sure even if his dad did keep track of what money Marco had and how much he spent, Marco could just list off a few things that’d totally make up for what he just threw at him. He let out a defeated sigh, dropping the money in the cup holder between them. Maybe he could pretend like he forgot it behind and stick it in the glove box to not feel so bad about it.

  
Either way, he pushed it to the back of his mind as he directed them somewhere it was safe to smoke at.

  
Marco definitely looked on edge by the time they arrived, his knuckles gripping the steering wheel tightly. Jean grabbed the needed items and moved to the back seat, indicating Marco follow him. When the two were both situated in the back and the car was off, Jean started readying everything. “Here.” He stated, passing the water bottle to Marco. “Guarantee you’re gonna ask for that immediately.”

  
Marco looked at the water bottle questioningly. He quirked an eyebrow at it but just set it in the cup holder. If he needed it, he’d use it he guessed. When Jean had everything ready, he pulled out his lime green Bic lighter from his pack of cigarettes and held it towards Marco.

  
Marco shook his head. “You first.”

  
Jean rolled his eyes. “You can’t chicken out after I’ve already started so if you’re gonna wuss out then do it now.”

  
Marco seemed to mull over the idea, but instead he grabbed the packed bowl and lighter from Jean and brought it to his mouth. He totally had no idea what he was doing and it made Jean want to laugh. It was like he was looking at his 11 year old self trying pot for the first time. He slipped his hand over Marco’s and took the lighter from him. “When I tell you to, take in a deep breath. Through your lungs, not your stomach, alright?”

  
Marco nodded and Jean lit the dried crushed buds, watching as they started to crinkle inward. “Puff it a bit,” Marco didn’t really understand, but did what he thought it meant. Apparently that was the right thing to do cause Jean never corrected him. “Alright, go ahead.” Marco did as instructed and took in a deep breath, pulling the bowl away from him after doing so. “Hold it in, don’t blow it out yet.”

  
The man definitely hadn’t smoked anything in his life, choking on it a second later. His eyes were watery and Jean could only imagine the way his throat felt. It was probably much similar to his own coughing fit the last time they hung out. Jean ignored it though, taking the bowl and inhaling a large breath full himself.

  
“I-it burns.” Marco stammered, putting a hand over his chest. Jean nodded his head, holding his breath.

  
“It’s gonna burn for bit. You’ll get used to it when you smoke more.” He let out the breath of smoke, white clouds shooting out towards the front seat. When he turned to Marco he watched him grab the water and drink a quarter of it. He didn’t bother telling him it wasn’t going to help. Instead he passed the small glass tube towards him, the man eyeing it like it personally hurt him. In a way it had, he supposed.

  
Marco was hesitant, but he took it and did just as Jean instructed once again. This time he was able to keep the smoke in his lungs, holding it in for an impressive amount of time. They repeated the motion, Jean repacking the bowl and lighting it up. Soon the car filled with smoke and the two didn’t do much but giggle.

  
Jean was so relaxed. He forgot how calming marijuana was. He hadn’t had it in such a long time, and it didn’t take much for him to get a high going. Marco was completely lax, slumped in the corner of the car with his legs pulled up on the empty seat between them. He brought his attention to the freckled man, realizing he probably should’ve been paying attention to how he was reacting to it.

  
“How do you feel?”

  
“Like I’m inside a cloud.” Marco mumbled. That was a good sign. Some people reacted to pot differently and he was thankful Marco didn’t turn out to be a paranoid high kind of person. That would’ve in turn freaked Jean out, and none of that would’ve been good.

  
The two turned to look at each other, their eyes locking and Marco immediately giggled. He was definitely high, that was for sure. Jean ended up giggling as Marco’s laughter escalated, and before he knew it the two were laughing messes. They flopped around the back seat lazily, trying to contain their laughter, but it was so hard to do when the two literally found nothing funny.

  
Marco moved closer to Jean during his laughing fit, pulling his head up to take in a deep breath and finding himself almost knocking heads with the man. Jean moved his head backwards to avoid the headbutt, chuckling at him.

  
Their laughter died down, a smile plastered on Marco’s face as he let his body slowly slump towards Jean. Jean didn’t move, he just watched him as his body fell forward. Marco ended up dropping his chin onto Jean’s shoulder, staring up at his face.

  
It was probably one of the only moments Jean didn’t flinch from the contact. Granted the pot had a lot to do with that, but he didn’t move away either. He turned to look at his friend, raising an eyebrow up at him.

  
This made Marco giggle, pulling his hand up and lazily dragging his index and forefinger along the other man’s jaw line. His chocolate eyes stared at Jean’s features, taking in every dip and curve. Jean suddenly felt uncomfortable being under such a gaze. He would’ve pulled back, but there was no room to. His head was tucked by the door and backseat, trapped under Marco.

  
Marco let out a rather dreamy sounding sigh, his fingers lingering over Jean’s chin. “Why does your dad hit you?” He asked completely out of the blue.

  
Jean didn’t say anything at first, opting for just staring at the other guy to figure out if he really just asked that. When Marco didn’t take the question back, Jean shrugged. “Cause he’s an asshole. And a drunk.” Marco held a blank stare, his fingers gently caressing the other’s jaw line.

  
“Why’s he gotta hit your face though?” He mumbled, eyes soaking up every feature. “You’re so pretty without all the bruises.”

  
Jean wanted to move away, his chest felt tight and his cheeks tinted a dark shade of red. He immediately felt like he couldn’t breathe and the longer Marco stared at him with those stupid dreamy looking eyes, the worse it got. He opened his mouth to say something, but a pathetic whine was all that came out. He hated the pot for making it so hard for him to think.

  
Marco pursed his lips, licking them as he stared down at Jean’s. The dreamy look in his eyes took a sudden turn into lust, and if Jean was already suffering from lack of oxygen, Marco’s face made it even worse.  
Where was his witty tongue to snap some asshole remark at the man to get him to cut it out?

  
Marco’s fingers brushed along Jean’s bottom lip, and Jean had to fight the urge to tilt his head down and suck on them. This wasn’t like hooking up in a bar, or finding someone to slip away with for a one night stand.  
They were hanging out, they had _been_ hanging out all that week. They were supposed to be building a relationship with each other and if Marco didn’t stop pressing his body closer to Jean’s then everything they built so far would be ruined.

  
Jean momentarily froze as he realized what he just thought. Ruined. The time they spent actively hanging out would be ruined and it scared him. Jean hated getting close with people. He hated learning about others and teaching others about himself. He hated it so much, he refused to even open up to his mother. He refused to open up to Farlan, and he was still fighting the idea of opening up to Levi.

  
Eren, Mikasa, Carla, Hitch, hell even Samuel. They all tried so hard to get a grip on Jean’s doors and force them open but he kept them forcefully closed.

  
Somehow Marco had snuck in and found a gentle grip on his doors. All Jean was waiting for was him to pull and Marco seemed to know this too.

  
They barely knew each other. They barely knew anything about their interests or hobbies. Marco didn’t even know Jean had three kids at home who were currently giving Eren hell more likely than not. But it didn’t stop Jean from wanting him to find out. It didn’t stop him from entertaining the idea of introducing Marco to his kids.

  
His thoughts popped from his mind like a bubble when Marco invaded the little space between them and pressed his lips to Jean’s. It was a quick and gentle peck, but he only pulled away maybe an inch. They stared at each other’s faces, trying desperately to figure out whether the other was okay with what just happened.

  
Marco must’ve needed a second opinion because he leaned in again. This time Jean kissed him back, the kiss blooming into a rather rough one. Their lips flickered against each other’s, Marco’s body sinking into Jean’s as they slowly tucked themselves into the corner of the back seat.

  
Their kiss quickly sent heat through other places in their bodies, Jean’s mind erupting in warning signals as it continued. He didn’t want to stop but at the same time he knew he had to stop. They couldn’t just fuck in the back seat of his car and then later blame it on the pot and not talk about it. They couldn’t just pretend nothing happened, it wasn’t anything like the time the two had in the bathroom.

  
If Jean let it go on with out at least talking about it, then that meant drama later and with barely any forms of communication as it was, he wasn’t sure if that meant they could even talk about it or not.

  
Marco rocked his hips into Jean’s and he immediately broke their kiss, giving the man on top of him a hard shove to push him away.

  
Jean’s eyes snapped onto Marco’s face, his heart twisting at the way the rejection tore through him. Red blossomed across his cheeks and he couldn’t bring his eyes to Jean’s. He started to straighten up, moving away from the smaller man after mumbling a soft “Sorry..” Jean gripped his arm, effectively stopping him from moving further away.

  
Marco looked at him confused now, to which Jean decided using words might be the better method here. “Look we can’t just…” He didn’t know how to start or where to start. Looking up to Marco, he scratched what he previously said. “What do you want out of this? Out of me?”

  
Marco didn’t seem to understand the question because he didn’t answer.

  
“Are we just going to be fuck buddies?” Jean added. His eyes looked away from the pair staring at him. He didn’t dislike the idea but it didn’t feel like the choice he wanted. “Or was there something else you’re trying to get out of this?”

  
Marco was quiet for a long moment before he finally shrugged. For some reason, that pissed the other man off more than just not answering.

  
“What the fuck does that mean? Do you want me or not?”

  
“Of course I want you!” Marco shouted in response.

  
“Then _how_ do you want me?” He could’ve used a less sexual string of words, but that was the least of his concern.

  
Marco completely withdrew from him then, turning his head to the side in what looked like shame. He mumbled something but Jean didn’t hear him. He decided kicking his thigh was enough to get him to repeat himself.

  
“I’m scared to say it, okay?” He said, this time loud enough for Jean to catch.

  
“To say what?” Jean thought back to their conversation on the bench, when they first technically hung out. “What happened to you just liking me?”

  
The brunet shook his head. “..wish I never said that..” He mumbled. He looked so frustrated with himself, turning his head away from Jean. He wasn’t sure if the pot was affecting either of them at the moment, the seriousness of the atmosphere completely wiping away their high. After a long pause, Marco took in a deep breath. “I don’t want them to be right, but they _are_ right. They’re so goddamn right and I’ve been trying so hard to prove them wrong.”

  
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jean commented, not following his train of thought.

  
“Sasha! And Connie. My friends.” He ran a hand through his short hair. “They’re the ones that said I fall in love too easily.” Marco sighed, looking at Jean as he further explained himself. “I told myself I wasn’t going to let it happen again. After Thomas, I swore I wasn’t going to find someone else to fall in love with for a week and then end up miserable immediately afterward.”

  
Jean dug his foot under Marco’s thigh, speaking up a beat later. “We’ve known each other longer than a week…” He mumbled.

  
Marco lifted his thigh up to accommodate Jean. He didn’t acknowledge what he said.

  
Jean waited a moment before speaking. “I think I like you.” He spat out, to which Marco’s eyes widened a bit. “I don’t know. I’m not gonna say love cause that’s bullshit and it’s not like I’ve ever been in love anyway.” He turned to look at the back padding of the passenger seat, anything to distract him from saying the shit storm of feelings that was about to come out of his mouth. “But I haven’t…” He paused to try and gather his thoughts, a look of frustration on his face. “I hate people. A lot. Like a whole lot. I can’t stand talking to them or meeting them or engaging in conversation unless it means I’m getting something out of it. But like.. You’re okay?” He said it like he wasn’t sure himself, shrugging. “More than okay I guess. I don’t know. It’s stupid. And it terrifies the hell out of me every time you manage to get just a bit closer to me and I hate it.”

  
Marco’s cheeks were red but he was absolutely beaming. He chewed at his lip like it was going to stop them from spreading into a smile, but it didn’t. He stared at his lap for a moment, clearly thinking over what to say. “I shouldn’t be so happy to hear you say that…” He mumbled.

  
Jean was over the feelings talk quite quickly. “So what is it then?” He demanded, not giving Marco the time of day to even think over anything. “Are we fuck buddies? Are we friends? Are we.. whatever the other thing is?”

  
“Boyfriends?” Marco whispered, like he was scared to say it. Jean’s cheeks went red. He didn’t do relationships. He never did. They were stupid and tedious and they required too much emotional investment to be worth the pay off. Levi would agree with him on that.

  
And, wasn’t he supposed to be getting close to Marco _for_ Levi?

  
His name brought a sudden realization that he really didn’t have a fucking clue who Marco was. Marco didn’t know Jean either, yet the two of them were actually sitting on the idea of possibly dating each other?

  
Marco took in a steady breath, bringing a hand down on Jean’s shin and rubbing his thumb over his worn out jeans. “We shouldn’t…” He started, biting his lip as he tried to summon the words. “I mean, I like you.. A lot. And I hate myself for even saying it but I don’t think we should…act on it.” His eyes turned to Jean’s and it nearly knocked him backwards to see the absolute terror that flashed in them. “I don’t want you to get too close.”

  
As much as he hated it, Jean agreed with him. He pulled his legs out from under Marco’s thigh and sat up. Marco turned to him and Jean moved forward, gently slipping his hands towards the back of Marco’s neck and pulling him into a long kiss. It was so easy to want to just pick up right where they left off but they had only agreed on what they weren’t, not what they were.

  
Marco broke the kiss that time around, clearing his throat. “I-I don’t have any condoms. Or lube.” Apparently if they were going to be anything, it was fuck buddies.

  
Jean scooted closer to him, bringing their lips together again. He removed one hand from Marco’s neck and dropped it right to his crotch, surprised at how quickly Marco reacted to being touched.

  
Jean was okay with this. This was the kind of thing that he did, not feelings. He focused on what made him feel good in the moment, not over a long period of time. This was okay.

  
He pulled his other hand from Marco’s neck and joined it at the button of Marco’s pants, undoing them with his lips still pressing against the pair in front of him. He slipped his hand down his pants and took Marco’s half-hard cock in his palm. He gave it a few strokes, pulling away from his kiss to watch the expression that took over the freckled man’s features.

  
“D-Didn’t you hear me?” He said with a very huffy tone.

  
Jean withdrew his hand, Marco looking both relieved and disappointed. He didn’t stay that way long, the younger male pushing away just slightly from Marco and then leaning down, bringing his head towards the other’s crotch.

  
The brunet’s breath hitched, suddenly not having anything to say. Jean wouldn’t have let him protest anyway, pulling his dick from out of his pants and quickly bringing his lips around it.

  
This was definitely okay.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might switch updating to every other sunday just so I can manage to keep it paced right. I'm getting close to catching up to where I am and I'd hate to make yougiys wait months.

“You are so fucking _late_ ,” Jean shrugged his shoulders as he greeted Eren, stepping into his house as the brunet followed after him. “I told you I have an exam tomorrow, I didn’t want to stay up this late god dammit.”

  
“Sorry.” Jean looked around the house. His dad wasn’t home, which he expected. “I would’ve come home sooner but….Where are the kids?”

  
“... Where the fuck do you think? It’s almost 11.”

  
“Fuck, it is?” The guilt he should’ve felt for making Eren wait up so long for him finally hit him. “Shit, Eren I’m sorry.” He sounded much more genuine that time around.

  
Eren deadpanned at Jean, clearly irritated. He rolled his eyes, and let out a huff. Jean flopped down on the couch, looking like he might pass out there if nothing stopped him. “How were they?”

  
“Absolute fucking nightmares.” Eren commented, deciding to linger for a moment in favor of conversation. “I think that’s the longest they’ve been without really seeing you. Bert would _not_ let me set him down.”

  
“I thought he grew out of that…” Jean groaned.

  
“Guess not,” Eren commented. “Reiner kept picking fights with Bertholdt whenever I wasn’t holding him. The two got into a fight about who you said goodnight to last. Bert got so mad he slapped Reiner.”

  
“What?”

  
Eren couldn’t help the laugh that slipped from his throat. “It was actually kind of funny..” Sure Eren wanted to murder them at the time, but looking back at it now that he wasn’t angry made him realize how funny a toddler’s anger could be.

  
Jean let out a long sigh. “Shouldn’t have hit him.” He grumbled.

  
Eren raised a brow but didn’t ask Jean to repeat himself.

  
“How was Annie?” He asked bringing his head up.

  
Suddenly Eren grew uncomfortable. He shrugged his shoulders. “You know…” Jean didn’t like the look on his face.

  
“What’s wrong?” He commented, getting ready to bolt for his bedroom.

  
Eren was quick to calm down his worry. “It’s fine, she’s fine…”

  
“...But?”

  
He scratched the back of his neck. “Did…did Farlan ever mention why uh…She wasn’t getting adopted?”

  
Jean’s eyebrows furrowed together. “No. What the fuck is going on Eren?”

  
Eren shrugged again, looking so uncomfortable. “It’s just… She doesn’t… She doesn’t react to any noise.”

  
Jean visibly relaxed. “She’s a fucking baby, why would she?” He took in a deep breath, glad his panic had been over nothing. Eren didn’t look any more comfortable and this made Jean start to think on what he said. “Why would she, right?” He repeated.

  
“Jean, paying attention to sounds is just as important in development as all the other senses.” Eren rubbed the back of his neck. “She’s reacting to what she sees, but…she didn’t even flinch when my phone went off right next to her. The only reason she noticed was because of the light.”

  
“But.. But she’s only a few months old, that can’t be enough time to tell, right?”

  
The brunet looked like he wanted to agree with him, but his face fought with the truth. “Jean.. She’s not reacting to _any_ sounds.”

  
“Well, that was just your phone, that’s one thing.”

  
“What? You don’t think I didn’t try other things when I noticed?”

  
“Shit, if she’s deaf it’d probably be your fucking fault for blowing her ear drums out!” Jean snapped. He looked like he was going to start panicking.

  
Eren’s jaw tightened. He was biting back an insult the best he could and if it wasn’t for the look of absolute panic flashing across hazel eyes, he would’ve turned and left. “Jean, c’mon it’s not that big of a problem even if she is deaf-”

  
“-What’re you fucking stupid?!” Jean was dripping venom in his words. “Of course it’s a big fucking problem! She’s gonna be stupid--so fucking _stupid_ because I can’t teach her anything--” Jean ran a hand through his hair. He should’ve waited until now to smoke. He couldn’t think about this, not right now. Why’d Eren have to ruin such a good day with news like that?

  
Eren must’ve decided now definitely wasn’t the best time to talk about this. His eyes stared wildly at him after what he just said. He didn’t think he could teach her anything? Eren shook his head, making the choice to not talk about this anymore. He had class after all and if he stayed to argue with Jean, he’d be here for forever. “Look, I’m probably just… imagining shit. Annie’s fine I bet.”

  
Jean’s panic subsided long enough to hold Eren’s stare. He tried so hard to see if he was lying or not but he just couldn’t tell. Eren never wasted his time with lies, but why would he even bring it up? He was the one with the most medical knowledge. “But… But if she is, I need to know that.”

  
Eren bit his lip. “You should take her to the doctor’s.” He settled with. Jean wanted to hit him for giving him such a bullshit response. Was he a sadistic fuck that got off on seeing him panic or something?! “I gotta go. I’ll see you when I see you.”

  
Without saying another word, the brunette turned for the door and left. Jean didn’t want to think about what he said. Eren had to of just made that shit up. How could Annie be deaf? What fucking luck did Jean have to get something like that thrown on top of all the responsibility he already had?

  
It’d be one thing if it was only Annie he was taking care of, but he had Reiner and Bert to deal with too. And what were they supposed to do? How were they supposed to communicate with their sister?

  
Of course there was sign language but Jean hadn’t even gotten started on teaching them how to read. It wasn’t like he knew sign language either, so what the fuck did he do?

  
He couldn’t think about this, not right now. Annie had other baby things to do and learn, he’d worry about whether or not she could hear when he needed to.

* * *

 

Jean got little to no sleep that night. He passed out on the couch for a bit but was quickly woken up to Annie’s wailing, something that happened quite often during the night. By the time day had come and Annie was ready to be awake and out of the crib, Jean felt ready to die.

  
He knew he couldn’t fall asleep right now even if he tried to, his eyes staring at the blond baby in hopes she’d turn to him in curiosity at any of the noises he made.

  
He noticed though. If Eren didn’t mention it, he might not have but now it was blaring obvious. She didn’t react to any sound. Her random whines and reactions were to anything she was seeing, but never to any noise. He tried to fool himself into believing she looked at him because of the way the chair scraped against the floor, or the way the tv volume increased, or how Reiner and Bertholdt both made all kinds of noise but it wasn’t true.

  
Annie was completely oblivious to all the noise around her and Jean couldn’t stop the worry that flew through him. What if it wasn’t always like this and he had damaged her hearing somehow by doing something wrong? What if it was just something that a hearing aid would fix? What if she was capable of hearing again but the only way would be through some very expensive surgery?

  
Jean rubbed his eyes in exhaustion. He forgot how much energy the kids took out of him after being away from them for so long. Sure, he saw them a few times during the previous week, but there was almost always someone there. It’d been a bit since it was just him and the kids.

  
He turned away from Annie as she threw her hands down on some poor toy and looked at Bertholdt and Reiner as they sat on the living room floor. Bert was drawing and Reiner was completely involved with the program on the tv.

  
Jean stood from his spot in the kitchen and moved into the living room to sit on the couch with them. Angelo was breaking his record for longest time away and Jean knew he would be coming home any day now.

  
Bertholdt immediately stopped what he was doing and hopped up on the couch with Jean, climbing into his side. Jean lifted his arm for him and got comfortable, wondering what the hell he was watching. He didn’t notice that Reiner had stopped watching and now had his full attention on him. Once the program broke into a commercial, Jean glanced and saw the small face staring at him.

  
“What’re you staring at?” He asked.

  
Reiner looked rather serious for a child and it was a bit unsettling. “You’re not gonna go out again tonight, are you?”

  
“No.” Jean replied with. “I think I’m done going out for a bit.”

  
“Okay.” Reiner looked at Bertholdt, the two sharing some kind of similar thought. Bertholdt’s grip tightened on Jean’s shirt, pulling his attention down to the small boy. He looked about ready to cry.

  
“Papa are you leaving us?”

  
“What?” Jean gaped. “No-! Why would you think that?”

  
“Because that’s what daddy did before he left.” Bertholdt stammered and Jean felt like something just sliced through his chest.

  
“D…Daddy…?” He repeated. Farlan? They still remembered Farlan? They didn’t just forget about him? Bert nodded and suddenly Jean felt really cold. They didn’t understand what happened to him. They didn’t realize that Farlan didn’t abandon them, but was taken from them. In their eyes, Farlan betrayed them and they were both worried that Jean was going to do the same thing. “..No, no. I’m not leaving.”

  
Maybe this was why Bertholdt had gotten so clingy all of a sudden again. Maybe it was why Reiner started picking fights with him all the time now. They were both scared Jean was going to leave and were dealing with it in different ways.

  
Jean held Bertholdt a little bit tighter than normal.

* * *

 

Angelo still hadn’t come home. It started putting Jean’s nerves on end with each day that passed by. He always jumped when he heard something even remotely close to the sound of a person entering their house. Most of the time it was Reiner or Bertholdt running in and out of the back door, but it didn’t stop Jean from jumping.

  
Usually the longer away Angelo was, the more violent he became when he got home. Jean’s broken nose was still healing, the bruises that once colored his face fading into a yellow color. He didn’t want to know what Angelo could do to top that beating.

  
Jean rubbed his nose, feeling the slight crookedness of it after it had been split. Eren was right about it being barely noticeable but that didn’t stop him from being subconscious about it. It felt a lot more noticeable than it really was, that was for sure.

  
He pulled his hand away from his face and went back to focusing on what he was doing. He had Annie in the sink, doing what he could to keep at least one of the kids clean. Jean knew he was going to have to force the boys to bathe after this and he knew how much of a fight they would put up with it.

  
He used a wash cloth to gently wash over Annie’s limbs, watching as she giggled and bounced, splashing the water outside of the make-shift tub she was in.

  
Jean pulled her out after finishing cleaning her and gently dried her off, taking Annie’s toweled body towards his room to find something to put her in.

  
None of her onesies fit at all anymore, the cuffs stretched too tightly around her wrists and the collar couldn’t get over her shoulders like they used to. Jean did what he had been doing and grabbed one of Reiner’s shirts again to put her in.

  
He quickly noticed that Reiner and Bert didn’t have many shirts between them to begin with. Jean tried to not let the thought bother him, quickly reminding himself that he didn’t have much longer until Levi was moved in with Erwin and he’d be able to help Jean with all of his government crap.

  
Depending on how much he could get from the food stamps and possibly unemployment, he might be able to afford to get them clothes as they grew out of them instead of the makeshift things he was doing now. A part of him regretted leaving the chunk of cash Marco offered in his car, but he tried not to think about it.

  
Jean tossed the shirt on her after dressing her in a diaper and then walked out with Annie on his hip. Now was the hard part of trying to get Bertholdt and Reiner to take a bath.

  
He stepped out into the living room, glancing around to see where the two had gone. If they weren’t inside, then they were out back. Jean headed towards the door-wall, pulling it open and letting out a heavy sigh at the way the two were managing to get as much dirt on them as possible.

  
Bert was building a mud version of a sand castle while Reiner was using his hands to dig into the dirt, giving the younger boy more to work with. Jean wondered if it would even be worth the effort to have them clean off when he knew they would just be back to this afterwards.

  
“Bert! Reiner!” He called, their two heads snapping towards the adult. Jean nodded his head towards the house, and they both hesitated to stop what they were doing. Reiner stood up, wiping the mud off on his shorts. Bertholdt tried to wipe it off on the small bit of grass, but didn’t really succeed. As they waddled their way inside, Jean made it clear for them not to touch anything. “Right to the bathroom, don’t put your hands on anything.”

  
“But I wasn’t done playing yet,” Bertholdt commented as he struggled to take his shoes off. Reiner already had both shoes off and was headed towards the bathroom.

  
“You can go out and play after you stop stinking.” Jean commented, leaning down to help him with his shoe. Annie reached a hand out towards Bertholdt’s hair, trying to grab a handful the second she was close enough.

  
Bert ducked his head away, groaning. “Annie! Stop it!” He whined, keeping a palm flat against his skull. He glared at her as Jean untied his shoe and pulled it off for him. He followed after his brother, making sure to give the youngest sibling a mean pout.

  
Jean switched Annie to his opposite hip, letting out a long sigh to prepare for the mess he was going to inevitably have to deal with. He walked down the hallway, turning into his room to set Annie down in her crib. She immediately protested, letting out a loud cry when he released her, but he ignored it.

  
When he walked into the bathroom, Reiner was sitting on the toilet kicking his feet, while Bertholdt was trying to climb up the sink in order to sit on the ledge. He used the drawer handles as foot stools, nearly slipping off until Jean scooped him up.

  
“ _Don’t_ climb on that.” He scolded, setting him on the ledge of the sink anyway. “You could fall and crack your head open.”

  
Bert ducked his head down, looking guilty. Jean turned towards the bathtub to start the water, the pipe squeaking as a rusty liquid first slipped out. Bertholdt and Reiner simultaneously groaned upon hearing it. He let it run until it cleared, plugging the drain and sticking his hand under to gauge the temperature.

  
“I don’t wanna take a bath!” Reiner pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.

  
“If you guys didn’t roll around in dirt so much, maybe you wouldn’t have to.” Jean commented turning to look at the child. “Your hair’s so dirty it almost matches Bert’s color.”

  
Bertholdt giggled to that and Reiner let out a groan. “Bath’s are stupid.”

  
“They get you clean, and right now both of you need to be cleaned.” He pulled himself up and sat on the ledge of the tub, waiting for it to fill up high enough for them to get in. “You’re smelly.”

  
“Well grandpa’s always smelly and you don’t make him take baths.” Reiner countered.

  
Jean rolled his eyes. “We’re not gonna be living with Grandpa much longer so that won’t be a problem.”

  
“Really?!” Bertholdt jumped. Reiner even looked thrown off a bit, his eyes wide at the statement.

  
“Yeah.” Jean replied. “Hopefully.”

  
“Where are we gonna go?” The blond asked, no longer concerned about stinking.

  
He shrugged, not sure himself. Hopefully as far away from this neighborhood as possible. The better parts of Trost would be the most ideal. Jean stood from his spot and moved towards Bertholdt. “C’mon. Time to get in the tub.”

  
They both whined but did as told, dismissing their clothes and getting in while Jean pulled out some towels and washcloths.

  
It didn’t take long for the pair to start arguing and splashing water at each other. Jean found the front of his shirt getting drenched from a particularly hard smack against the water from Reiner. He let out a heavy sigh which effectively ended the feud between the two.

  
Jean washed the two of them down with the rag as Reiner started telling a story from something he did over at Eren’s house. He dropped the rag into the water, ringing it out and laying it on the tub ledge. He straightened his back out, and with a deep breath found himself slouched over again. He didn’t realize how exhausted he was until right then. Jean probably could’ve fallen asleep right there if he let himself.

  
“You’re not even listening.” Reiner mumbled, to which Jean snapped his attention to him.

  
“Hm?” He cooed, looking at him. “I’m sorry bud, I’m just really tired.”

  
“You’re always tired.”

  
Jean couldn’t disagree with him there. He nodded his head. “Yeah. You’re right about that.”

* * *

 

Annie turned into a nonstop alarm clock over the next few days. She was louder than ever and hardly slept through any of the night, keeping Jean up constantly. He was used to her interrupting his sleep before, but with her crying like this, he didn’t even get the chance to catch an ounce of rest.

  
He wasn’t sure what it was that was making her cry so much and he was too tired to really think about it. She seemed fine-aside from the possibility of being deaf.

  
Whatever it was, it was draining him. He only got spurts of sleep, often being startled awake by Annie’s cries or Bert and Reiner needing something.

  
Getting through the week was taking it’s toll on him, heavy bags forming under his eyes. He couldn’t wait to get a break and when it finally did come, it didn’t seem like it was there fast enough.

  
The kids got picked up by Eren and were to be dropped off by Levi when he came to drop off some more food and other supplies Jean needed. It might’ve been out of the way for Eren, but Jean was close to hugging the brunette when he picked up the kids. Apparently, Eren could tell. He commented right away on his appearance, comparing him to a raccoon before even properly greeting him. Jean didn’t even have the energy to argue with him. He merely shrugged and helped pack up the trio while saying goodbye.

  
The first thing Jean did when the kids were gone was sleep. He slept curled up in his bed and didn’t wake up for a good couple of hours. When he did finally wake up, he had drool running down his cheek, and his hair was sticking up all over the place. There was nothing better than the creases of the bed sheets embedded into his skin to showcase his much needed rest.

  
He rinsed off with a quick shower and then headed towards Herman’s bar, in hopes to get some updates from Hitch.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for skipping a couple updates ;a; I really want to be able to post this to it's finishing point so I wanted to write out a bit more. I'll still aim to update every week, but I'll probably skip a week if it's gonna be a big update. Sorry guys;;

Hitch had her infamous grin smacked across her lips when she spotted Jean, almost giggling as he took a seat at the bar in front of her. “Well, well.” She started, slapping a napkin down in front of him. “I heard there’s someone that you actually _like_?”

  
Jean rolled his eyes. “He told you about that?”

  
“Hell yeah he did.” Hitch retorted, digging into her pocket for her phone. “Told me quite a bit actually.” She passed her phone towards Jean, watching his face as he read over their conversation.

  
Marco was completely gushing over Jean and it put a weird, bubbly feeling in his stomach. He did everything he could to not let a smile crack on his lips for fear of Hitch’s harassment.

  
Instead, he typed out a message to Marco asking if he was free. Jean set the phone down on the bar, turning his eyes up to Hitch. “He’s a fucking dork.”

  
“But you like him.” Hitch pointed out. “You told him you _like_ him.”

  
“So what? What’s the big deal?” Jean commented. Hitch looked like she wanted to smack him.

  
“You two are _so_ going to date.”

  
“No we’re not.” He quickly dismissed her thought.

  
“Yes you are!”

  
“No, we’re not.”

  
“C’mon you don’t go and tell a guy you like him and then sit there with blue balls every time you two see each other.” She scoffed.

  
“Actually, that’s about the only thing that gets taken care of.” Jean let out a sigh, looking down the bar at the string of people sitting against it. Hitch waited patiently for more. When his eyes turned back to hers, he rolled them. “Look, we talked about it okay? We’re not dating, that’s what we agreed on.”

  
Her face lit up. “You talked about dating?”

  
“Sort of?” His face scrunched in confusion. “I don’t fucking know.”

  
She stared at him for a moment, then turned around and grabbed a bottle of fireball down from the shelf. Hitch poured him a shot and set it down in front of him.

  
“I ca-”

  
“Oh shut up, I know already.” She rolled her eyes. “Drink the damn thing. It’s to show how proud of you I am.”

  
“Proud of me for what?” He questioned.

  
Hitch shrugged. “Idunno for.. for finding something.”

  
Jean raised an eyebrow at her, but decided to take the free shot before she changed her mind. Hitch then decided to elaborate.

  
“Jean you just.. look a little less miserable than you used to.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I hope this is gonna be a good break for you.”

  
Jean pushed the now emptied shot glass towards her and shook his head. “Fuck knows I need one.”

  
Before she could respond, her phone buzzed off, vibrating against the tabletop. Both their eyes shot to it, Hitch snatching it up and reading over the response. She looked at Jean and smirked. “Your boy’s gonna be here in half an hour.”

* * *

 

When Jean slipped into Marco’s car, he got the sudden feeling that something was off. His eyes turned to the man driving, looking him over quickly. Nothing looked off, it just _felt_ off. Marco offered Jean a smile, but Jean quickly picked up on it being one of his many fake ones.

  
“You okay?” He asked, hoping he wasn’t misreading something.

  
Marco shrugged. “Yeah I’m fine.” He definitely didn’t sound believable. “Just.. tired, I guess.”

  
“Then why’d you agree to come out here?”

  
“Tired of home.” Marco quickly corrected. “I’ve been waiting for you to message me all week.”

  
Jean turned to look out the window. “Sorry.”

  
“Were you busy?” Marco questioned like he was changing the topic.

  
“Yeah,” Jean continued to stare out the window, a part of him wondering how Marco would react if he just casually slipped in he was taking care of three kids.

  
“You look exhausted.” Marco commented.

  
He let out a puff of a laugh in response, nodding his head. “That feels like an understatement.”

  
“So why didn’t you stay home then?”

  
Jean finally turned away from the window, looking at the driver. He noticed then that Marco had the faintest hints of bags under his eyes. It seemed like the two of them both were having a hard time catching sleep. “I don’t relax at home.”

  
Marco must’ve understood that, humming in reply and turning back towards the road. They sat in silence for a moment, the freckled man driving aimlessly for a good while. Finally he spoke up again. “What’d you want to do?”

  
“It’s kind of late to really go out and do anything.” Jean commented. Only bars were really open now and if that’s what they wanted to do, then they would’ve just stayed with Hitch. He took a look at Marco’s face and then slouched back in his seat. “You want to smoke again don’t you?”

  
Marco’s mouth opened as if to say something, but nothing came out. He shot a glance at Jean, catching the smirk on his lips and then snapping his attention back to the road. “I wasn’t going to suggest it-”

  
“-Don’t beat around the bush.” Jean smiled. “If you want to smoke again, just say it.”

  
Marco sighed. He gave Jean a look of defeat, but instead of answering his question, he brought up something else. “We smoked all that I had, so we can’t really-”

  
Jean rolled his eyes and sat up. “Okay, you’re talking to someone who used to do heroin throughout the day, I think I can manage to get us some pot.”

  
Marco looked uneasy then. “We can do something else-”

  
“Turn around and head past Herman’s.” Jean instructed. Marco hesitated, but after he mulled it over, he did as was instructed.

* * *

 

Jean felt weird when the car pulled up to his house. He stared at it, suddenly feeling a bit subconscious of the shittiness of it all. It looked so dreary and unwelcoming.

  
“I don’t know if I like this…” Marco mumbled, his eyes looking over the whole neighborhood.

  
Jean took in a breath and turned to him. “It’s fine. It’s where I live.”

  
A look of surprise took over the driver’s features, completely caught off guard. Marco looked down at his lap, his cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment. “I didn’t mean- I wouldn’t have-”

  
“-Cash?” Jean questioned, effectively cutting him off. Marco looked at him confused, but quickly caught up. He passed Jean a random amount, this time not enough to get him mugged at the sight.

  
Jean stepped out of the car and headed towards the house next to his. He hadn’t seen Sam since he got his nose broken, but that didn’t mean Sam wouldn’t appreciate the visit.

  
Marco waited in the car, watching Jean’s body disappear through the front door. He looked at the neighborhood around him, noticing that a lot of the houses looked abandoned. There were very few people outside, and the ones that were seemed to stay to their yard.

  
Hitch said that Jean grew up in a relatively bad neighborhood, but he never knew what to imagine. All Marco knew of bad neighborhoods were from movies and campaign trips his dad dragged him on. It was completely different when you were actually there as a part of the place instead of feigning care and interest for it.

  
His heart jumped when the door beside him opened, but he immediately relaxed when Jean slipped back in. He tossed the bag at Marco and turned to look at him. “Backseat?”

  
“You don’t want to go inside?” Marco questioned, figuring that was why Jean chose to come out this way.

  
Jean’s face paled at the thought. Maybe if he had enough time to hide all the toys and diapers and bottles, but in its current state? There was no way in hell.

  
Marco caught on quickly from the face Jean was making that it’d been a bad idea to suggest that. “Okay, backseat it is.” He undid his seat belt and headed to the back first, taking the spot he’d been in that last time. Jean followed after him and picked up right where they had started last time. He took care of the grinding and packing, and passed it off to Marco.

  
Marco didn’t choke like he had the first time. He took in a much deeper breath than normal, passing the bowl to Jean as he held it in. There was definitely something that was bothering him, but Jean didn’t dare push on it. Instead, the two sat in silence, taking in lung fulls of smoke.

  
Jean typically wouldn’t have cared for the silence between them if something didn’t feel so off. He already asked earlier and figured if he asked again, he’d be stepping over the line so he left it alone. It didn’t stop it from eating at his thoughts though.

  
If it showed on his face, Marco didn’t notice. Instead he took as deep of breaths as he could and focused on letting the pot take him away from whatever was bothering him. He didn’t even notice when Jean pushed the bowl back to him that he didn’t take his turn. He knew he should be trying to find something to talk about but Marco just didn’t let his thoughts wander.

  
As he inhaled another breath, he felt the wave of distortion hit him, making his head spin. He pulled back mid-inhale, not expecting it to come in such a rush. Jean must have noticed, a chuckle escaping him.

  
“Slow down, shit’s not the same as the last kind.” He commented, taking the bowl from him. He must’ve looked like a hypocrite, taking some for himself.

  
Marco sank back into his seat, smoke leaving his lungs. He waited to feel the same calm and relaxation he felt the last time, but it didn’t wash over him. Instead, his heart seemed to kick up and all his mind could focus on was the one thing he was trying desperately to ignore.

  
“Freckles?” Jean commented, kicking his thigh to grab his attention. He expected the man to turn towards him, or throw on that fake smile of his, but Marco didn’t.

  
Marco tilted his head against the headrest, his eyes staring up at the ceiling of the car. His lip quivered and if the two of them hadn’t already smoked so much, Jean would’ve guessed the glossed over look wasn’t from the pot. “I can’t…get it out of my head.” He mumbled.

  
“Get what out?” Jean questioned, wondering if he should move closer to him or not.

  
Marco turned to Jean, his eyes looking so desperate for something. “You have to _promise_ not to tell anyone.”

  
“Who the fuck am I gonna tell?”

  
“I mean it!” Marco snapped. “Just say it! Please, I can’t keep this in any longer!”

  
Jean didn’t say anything for a moment. He chewed his lip, not sure if he was ready for what Marco needed to get out. Hopefully he was just being a drama queen about something and it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. That happened all the time with rich kids, right? “I won’t. I promise.”

  
Marco dropped his head into his hands, leaning forward. “My Dad murdered three people.”

  
Jean paled. He immediately regretted letting Marco spill that information. A part of him wanted to stop him right there, tell him to shut up and say he was lying, but he couldn’t even manage to form the words if he wanted to.

  
“I-I saw the whole thing and he promised--he promised me he’d take care of the other two.” Marco’s hands were pressed against his cheeks, but his sniffling didn’t hide the fact that he started crying. “That man’s face--in the blood… and the one I found… I killed him. I totally killed him.”

  
“I…three?” Jean finally spoke. He remembered Erwin mentioning a murder but.. it was only a single murder. “There were _three_?”

  
“Yes.” Marco nodded. “I wasn’t supposed to be there--but Dad caught me with Thomas and-- it happened so fast-” He cut off, running his hands through his hair. “I got used to ignoring it, but now I’ve been having these horrible nightmares.”

  
“Why aren’t you reporting that?” The other man snapped. “I mean-- Fuck Marco that’s three people. Three people who-who probably had families and fucking kids or something.”

  
“-I know I just- I can’t-” Marco stuttered. He looked like he was at the point of having a mental break down and Jean couldn’t say he would have blamed him at that point.

  
“What do you mean you can’t?”

  
“Jean I _can’t_.”

  
Jean rolled his eyes. “Well why the fuck not?”

  
“Because I’m scared.” Marco locked eyes with the younger man and Jean saw all the terror he’d seen in them since he met the guy. This was where it was rooted. “I’m so scared of what my dad’ll do to me, or to who I tell. What if I tell someone and he just kills them too?!”

  
Jean opened his mouth to argue but was abruptly cut off by a loud knock at the window. Both their heads snapped to Marco’s window, a white light shinning through from what they could only assume to be a flashlight. Marco’s eyes were wide in fear as he turned back to Jean as if to ask what to do. Jean knew what the flashlight meant. It meant a cop.

  
And the only cop that’d be near his house today would be Levi.

  
His heart sank as his uncle’s voice came through the other side of the door. “I can see you in there, roll down the window or step out of the vehicle.”

  
Jean looked at Marco and watched him go pale. “…That’s the cop…” He mumbled. “Oh my god no that’s the-”

  
“-Open the door, Marco.”

  
Marco looked at Jean like he was crazy, but the way he appeared so calm seemed to give him the extra bit of courage to grip the handle and gently tug it open. He cracked the door slowly and with one last look to Jean, he dragged himself out of the car.

  
Jean followed after him, not entirely sure what to expect. He stumbled a bit, not realizing how far he’d gotten with the pot for it to affect his balance. Jean shut the door behind him and leaned against the car, his eyes looking over to Levi.

  
He didn’t expect to be met with such a rage as he was when their eyes locked. Levi’s jaw was clenched together tightly, his grip on the flashlight white-knuckled.

  
“Pot?” He snapped, his words thick with venom. Jean knew it was meant more to him than Marco, but it was just as scary to the freckled man beside him.

  
Marco’s eyes were locked onto the ground so Jean just shrugged. That wasn’t the best answer apparently. Levi took in a sharp inhale, closing his eyes most likely to keep his temper in check. “Who’s is it?” He questioned.

  
Marco snapped to Jean, looking just as scared as he did when he confessed what his dad did. Jean didn’t know how to answer. He would’ve just taken the blame, but there was the whole fact that Marco didn’t know who Levi was to him and what that meant.

  
Jean turned to Levi then and rolled his shoulder. “I went and got it.” He mumbled.

  
Levi’s eyes snapped to Marco then. “So he paid?”

  
“What?” Jean questioned. “Yeah, he did. So what?”

  
Levi reached behind his back and pulled out handcuffs, nodding his head at Marco for him to turn around.”Oh my god.” The freckled man mumbled to himself when he saw the cuffs. Jean immediately jumped from the side of the car.

  
“Whoa Levi what the _fuck?_!” He started.

  
Marco’s eyes snapped to him, his face showing confusion. Levi didn’t give either of them a chance to think as he twisted Marco against the car and cuffed him.

  
Jean couldn’t keep up with what was happening. No one got arrested for having _pot_ on them. Definitely not on their first offense at least. “Levi! The fuck are you doing!?”

  
“You _know_ him?” Marco finally questioned.

  
His uncle spun Marco around to face him, getting as much in his space as possible. “Talk.” He demanded. Marco’s bottom lip quivered. “Talk or you’re gonna get the max I can do to you.” The freckled man didn’t seem much more threatened by that. He dropped his gaze down, effectively keeping his mouth shut. Clearly his dad was much more terrifying than Levi to him.

  
Jean reached a hand out to his Uncle. “Levi, leave him alone-”

  
Levi smacked his hand away, his eyes snapping onto to Jean and halting him in his spot. “Do not get me fucking started on you.”

  
“Are you kidding me right now?” Jean commented.

  
“Are you _serious_.” Levi turned away from Marco and moved towards Jean. “Let me make one thing fucking _clear_ to you. I am not your fucking Mother and I am not fucking Farlan. If you think you’re going to pull the same shit on me that you did on them, you are so wrong.” Marco’s eyes moved up towards Levi, his face going just a bit paler than it had before. Jean didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know how to process Levi’s words. “If you relapse again you are as dead to me as they are.”

  
Jean felt the wind leave him then. His mouth hung open as he tried for words, but nothing came out. He couldn’t even put into words how small that had just made him feel.

  
Marco looked between the two of them, then to Jean. He didn’t understand how Levi knew all that about him. Was he his parole officer from when he was on heroin? Was he a sponsor of some sort?

  
Levi came back to Marco with a new unleashed rage. He caught his gaze. “If jail doesn’t scare you then maybe your dad will?” He suggested. This made Marco freeze. He stared at him, waiting for what he had to say. “He thinks you’re out with Hitch right now, doesn’t he?”

  
If there was any color left in Marco’s face, it was gone now. “…h..How do you know that…” He mumbled.

  
“Talk.” Levi threatened again. Jean carded a hand through his hair, his stomach twisting in a painful knot. He wanted to do something, but there didn’t feel like much to do.

  
“Y-you can’t tell my dad, please don’t-”

  
“ _Talk_.”

  
“-You don’t understand, h-he could go after Jean.” Marco’s voice was cracking and if Jean wasn’t in a borderline panic himself, he would’ve guessed he was having a break down.

  
“All you have to do is agree to talk and you won’t have to worry about that.”

  
“-Fuck Marco, just tell him what you told me!” Jean snapped. Marco’s gaze shot to his, shaking his head and pleading for him not to say anything.

  
Levi’s interest was highly piqued. “What’d you tell him?”

  
“Nothing. I-I didn’t tell him anything.”

  
“Marco,” Jean pushed. He didn’t want him to get into anymore trouble than he was in already.

  
“I didn’t say anything.” Marco’s eyes seemed to go empty then, his gaze staring off at nothing in particular. It seemed like he had just clocked out at that point and let an automated machine take over.

  
Jean rolled his eyes and turned to Levi, desperate at that point. “He told me what his dad did! He murdered more than just the one guy Erwin talked about.”

  
“I didn’t say that.” Marco cut in.

  
Levi completely faltered then. He looked genuinely surprised as his eyes met Jean’s. “What?”

  
“There were three people.” Jean explained. He nodded his head towards Marco. “He was there, he said he saw it.”

  
Levi’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. His lips moved just slightly as he seemed to run through information in his head to make sense of what he was just told. “…three…?” He mumbled to himself.

  
“I didn’t say any of that. I wasn’t there.” Jean looked down at Marco, his heart twisting. This must’ve been what Levi meant when he said his responses had been so rehearsed. He wasn’t even there anymore and Levi seemed to conclude the same thing.

  
His uncle took in a deep breath and then turned to Jean. “Get in the house. You’re needed in there anyway.”

  
“You’re still taking him in?!” Jean jumped.

  
“What you said doesn’t matter if it doesn’t come from him.” Levi gave a harsh tug at the cuffs and pulled Marco towards his vehicle. Marco almost tripped over his own feet as he was partially dragged towards the large SUV. Everything that was happening was slowly starting to sink in with each step toward the car. His eyes turned to look at the man left standing by his own car and he cursed himself for letting emotions get in the way again.

  
Jean ran up to him, knowing there was much needed explaining to do. “Marco, I wasn’-”

  
“You’ve been _using_ me.” Marco stated, his voice empty. “This whole time was just- oh my god.”

  
“That’s not true!” Jean tried to counter. “You’re the one that came to me, remember?!”

  
“Yeah but you really wanted nothing to do with me.” Marco’s eyes were starting to water up again. “Fuck Jean, I really liked you.”

  
Jean caught Levi rolling his eyes from where they had stopped, but he paid it no mind. Levi could wait for a fucking hour for all he cared. “If I was using you for anything, it was to not feel so shitty about myself, okay?!” If Marco got in that car without Jean properly explaining himself, there was no chance of them having anything after this. “I meant what I said before. I know I like you-”

  
“-Then why the fuck is he even here?! How am I supposed to believe any of that!?”

  
Jean lost his breath. He knew what he had to say, he just wasn’t sure if he could say it. His eyes took a glance at Levi, and he could tell his uncle was clearly losing his patience. “He’s my uncle.” He started. Marco stared at him, the information not enough to satisfy his earlier question. “I’ve..” His voice cut off. Jean didn’t ever imagine telling Marco like this. He wanted to be sitting down somewhere nice with him and with pictures and stories when he told him about the three children he had. “I’ve got three kids.” He finally spat out. Marco’s features softened.

  
“W…what?” He breathed out.

  
“I’ve got three kids.” Jean’s eyes went to the ground. “My mom died in a car crash and my brother’s been missing since her death and I took in his kids.” His voice went low after that. “Levi helps me take care of them. He was dropping them off.”

  
Marco didn’t say anything. As if he needed some kind of proof, his eyes moved towards the crappy house behind them like he could see into it. He shook his head slightly, and mumbled something inaudible to himself.

  
Jean watched him, waiting for some kind of response but it never came. Levi decided that’d been long enough for chit-chat and pulled the back door open. Mike bounced around, but upon seeing a stranger, immediately went into officer mode. He moved towards the other end to accommodate for Marco as Levi pushed him in.

  
The door was shut and the small officer turned to give his nephew a hard stare. He looked like there was a lot he wanted to say but instead he let out a breath of air and headed towards the driver’s side.

  
Jean watched, staring after the vehicle even after it pulled away from his curbside and disappeared down the road.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Remember way before when I mentioned that later on this fic would have a rape tw?? Well, here it is folks.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Flagon’s legs came swinging off his desk when he watched his co-worker hauling in Marco. The other officers in the room seemed to have the same thought process, all of them halting their tasks and staring at Levi. “What is this?” He questioned, pointing to the man in the cuffs.

  
Levi shot a look at him, but didn’t bother with a response. Instead, he directed Marco towards the holding cell and locked him inside with the other captures of the night.

  
Flagon stood from his spot and took a stand in front of Levi. “Are you mental or something? That’s the mayor’s fucking _kid._ ”

  
“And?” Levi snapped.

  
Flagon opened his mouth, but took a moment to react to his statement. “What do you mean _and?_ ” He drew the word out. “Are you trying to make all of us his enemy?”

  
Levi tilted his head at the man. “Isn’t he our top priority right now?”

  
The taller man gave up with a scoff. “First you get us maxed on hours, now you’re pulling this shit.” He mumbled to himself as he walked away.

  
Levi would’ve much rather taken a blade and cut out the man’s tongue, but with a quick reminder to himself that he was a cop, he turned for his desk. He sat down with a hard drop, not ready to let his brain sink into the information Jean had given him before leaving.

  
“L-levi?” His head twisted to the sound of his name, surprised to see Petra approaching him. She was slow and gentle, taking a seat in the visitors chair at his desk. There was worry on her face. “Do you really know what you’re doing with this?” She questioned, honey eyes looking past his head and towards the holding cell.

  
If he was being honest, not really. He’d let instinct take over when he made the decision to snatch Marco up when he had the chance, but now that he was sure the kid wasn’t going to talk, he didn’t have anything. He couldn’t do hardly anything for something as minor as pot possession and if that case really went to court, Jean would’ve ended up getting whatever charges most likely.

  
Realizing that he was more than likely wasting his time, he let out a heavy breath. Petra seemed to get her answer from that and sat back in her own chair. “What’d you arrest him for?”

  
“Possession of Marijuana.” Levi mumbled, making sure his voice was as low as it could be. Last thing he wanted to deal with was more high school level bullshit from the rest of the place.

  
Petra’s face scrunched up. “That’s _it?”_ She whispered back to him.

  
The man ran a had through his hair, rolling his eyes. Petra bit her lip, almost wishing she could take back the way she said it.

  
“I was hoping I could scare him or something, I don’t know.” He mumbled.

  
“Scare him into what? Talking?” Petra questioned. “He’s already been questioned three times now and has given the same answers, I don’t think he knows anything-”

  
“-He does.” Levi cut her off. “And he did talk.” Well, Jean did. But she didn’t need to know that. “He was there and apparently it was a triple homicide.”

  
“Triple?!” Levi quickly hushed her, just catching Flagon freezing for a moment like he was eavesdropping. He stared at him a beat longer. “Levi, we only found one body, and all the evidence we have shows no signs of any other murder.”

  
“That just means the other two bodies were hidden a hell of a lot better than the first one.”

  
Petra let out a huff of air. Her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, starting to think through the information. She seemed like she was trying to determine whether or not it was believable information. “What do you want me to do?” She asked after a moment.

  
Levi looked just a tad bit surprised. “You mean you don’t want to flock back to your posse over there?” He might’ve sounded a bit meaner than he meant to. Or maybe he did mean to, he wasn’t entirely sure.

  
Petra rolled her eyes and groaned. “I’d rather put a bullet in my foot.”

  
Levi simply raised an eyebrow at her, to which she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Look, I know things have been kind of…awkward between us because of…Our whole train-wreck of a relationship.”

  
“It wasn’t that bad.”

  
“It was.” Petra corrected. “Absolutely horrible.” Levi didn’t bother to argue. “But… After Jean was here I realized I was being… pretty petty…” She took in a breath, eyes cast downward. “I mean, we didn’t work out romantically, so what? Just because you can’t get--”

  
“--Petra you are the absolute fucking _worst_ if you finish that.” Levi snapped.

  
The woman’s cheeks went just a bit pink, but she quickly apologized. “Sorry, sorry. I just….am so tired of their gossiping. Like oh my god.” She let her shoulders drop in exhaustion. “So..Truce?” She offered, not sounding all that confident in herself.

  
“Sure. Whatever.” Levi mumbled. He took a glance over at the women Petra had gotten acquainted with since their break up and then back to the strawberry blond woman in front of her. “I’m only here for one more shift anyway.”

  
“Yeah, I could’ve done this sooner…” She shook her head, dismissing the thought. It was clear she was happy to be out of the place she was in and back where something felt slightly natural. “So. What’s the plan, boss?”

  
Levi leaned back in his seat, thinking. “Check the database for any information on deaths in a similar time frame to the one we found. See if there’s any one that could’ve been close to the mayor or maybe worked somewhere that could’ve been a laundering spot.” Petra nodded, agreeing with his choice of action. “Maybe we can try and get a hold of the traffic cams again, but I doubt we’re going to hear anything from them.”

  
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure Mr. Bodt’s got those guys on his side.” Petra commented. They had been having “technical difficulties” since the beginning of the case.

  
“I’ll go check the evidence file we have on that one guy..ahh..” He strained for a name.

  
“Reeves?” Petra guessed to which her partner nodded. The two dismissed themselves from their conversation, Petra quickly retreating back to her desk.

  
Levi started to walk down the hallway but was stopped when he looked up and saw who had entered.

  
Liam Bodt. He came waltzing in like he was the captain of the team, demanding questions from workers who didn’t have a clue how to satisfy him. It was going to be the first time Levi had ever met the guy and he already determined he absolutely hated him.

  
“Marco? _Marco_?” He called, stopping when he spotted his son huddled in a ball in the holding cell. Marco’s head raised up, not looking the least bit relieved to see his father there.

  
Rage took over Liam’s face. He stared at his son for a moment and then twisted his neck towards the closest cop next to him. “What the hell is the meaning behind this?! Who arrested my son?!” He had the kind of voice that sent a lot of people cowering. It was amazing the man ever got elected with a tone like that.

  
All heads turned to Levi, and the cop felt a wave of irritation at how quickly he’d been tossed to the dogs on that. Liam’s face snapped at him after and he borderline bolted towards him. “What kind of nerve do you have arresting my son in the middle of th-”

  
“Why don’t you take a moment to calm down instead of talking to my officers like dogs?” Levi snapped. Liam’s nostrils flared with rage, clearly ready to tear the man apart. He didn’t say anything in response to the cop to which Levi decided to inform him on why Marco was currently sitting in holding. “He was idling outside a house on King’s street.” Liam’s jaw clenched together tightly, waiting for the reason behind the arrest. “Had pot on him and didn’t seem in the best shape to drive. Didn’t want your son getting into some accident now.” There wasn’t an ounce of care in his words and Liam could tell.

  
The man gritted his teeth. “Pot?!” He repeated. “My son doesn’t smoke!”

  
“He’s probably still high if you want to check for yourself.” Levi retorted. “Him and the boy he was with spent quite a bit of time in the back seat together.” The cop tried to ignore the way Marco flinched at the mention of Jean, and he ignored the bit of guilt he felt for throwing the two of them under the bus. Anything he could do to get under the man’s skin.

  
Liam’s eyes stared wildly at Levi. He took in a deep breath. “Boy…?” He questioned. Levi just blinked, clearly not backing down. Everyone in the room seemed to be entranced by the exchange between the two, even the people stuck in holding. Liam turned his head slowly to look at Marco. “ _Boy_?!” He repeated.

  
Marco tensed. He kept his head down, but his hands gripped tightly onto his jeans as he felt the hard stare coming from his father. He was definitely in for a mouthful, but Liam knew better than to unleash that all now.

  
He snapped his gaze back towards Levi, a silent threat in the way his chocolate eyes bore into the officer’s. Levi didn’t back down, staring just as intently at him. He didn’t trust the man in the slightest, but there was a deeper, gut feeling jumping at him to tear the man apart.

  
If only that was acceptable.

  
Instead of favoring that image in his mind, Levi reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his keys, stepping towards the cell to retrieve Marco.

  
The boy didn’t move at first, not until Levi intentionally cleared his throat to hurry up the process. Still, Marco moved slow. He was like a deer caught in the headlights, inching around the spotlight and ready to bolt. Liam grabbed hold of his bicep the instant he was within reach and tugged him away from the officer.

  
Levi and Liam locked eyes and the mayor took one step closer to him, looking as threatening as he could be. “You’re gonna be sorry you did this.”

  
Levi tried not to smirk. “Sir, are you threatening an officer?” He teased, returning the same level of menace to the man. “You know, if you’re gonna do something as stupid as that, you might want to do a little research on that officer.”

  
After the words left his mouth, Liam’s eyes finally left Levi’s face and looked over his chest. When he spotted the badge bearing the “L. Ackerman”, his face paled.

  
Levi stepped away from the two, eyes meeting Marco’s and passing a soft “Take care” to him. He meant it in all honesty but he was sure the boy probably wouldn’t feel anything but hate towards the officer that just made his life a living hell.

  
He walked past them, and out of the office. Levi let out a lung full of air and headed towards the evidence locker like he originally intended.

* * *

 

Jean did what he could not to think of Marco when he was home. He tried everything to keep the two pieces of his life completely separated from each other, but his thoughts would fall onto Marco a lot more than he’d like to admit. He’d worry about things--like Annie’s hearing for example--and follow it up with thoughts of what Marco would do.

  
He didn’t know when it happened, but it did. Marco broke way into his mind and was now making home there. He figured it had to have something to do with their last hang out, but he kept himself from remembering what he said to the man.

  
He wasn’t sure if it frustrated him or comforted him to be thinking about the freckled man so much, so he did what he could to distract his thoughts.

  
It helped that Bertholdt was in constant need of being held, dragging Jean’s thoughts on him every couple of minutes. Jean was moving through the kitchen with Bertholdt on his hip. He was so much heavier than Annie, but he hated to admit how nice it felt to be clung to.

  
He took the two of them towards the sink, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. Bertholdt watched him, reaching out for the cup before Jean could bring it to his lips.

  
Jean chuckled, letting him have the first sip and then drinking after him. After setting the cup down, he raised an eyebrow at Bert. “What’s going on? Why’re you so clingy all of a sudden?”

  
“-No!” Bertholdt mumbled burying his face into Jean’s chest. He rolled his eyes, turning towards the living room and moving to set the boy down. Bertholdt threw his arms around Jean’s neck and whined. “Noo!!” He complained.

  
“Bert, I gotta cook dinner, go play with your brother.”

  
“Don’t wanna!” He wasn’t letting go.

  
“ _Bert_.” Jean peeled his arms off from his neck and leaned to set him down. After much more protesting, Jean finally managed to get him off and shoo’d out of the kitchen.

  
Once he was finally alone, he turned and dug through the cabinets for something to cook. Chicken didn’t seem too bad. Granted it’d be the whitest chicken ever cooked, but chicken none the less.

  
Jean set everything up, the larger pieces of meat cooking slowly with the oil in the pan on the stove. He was currently cutting a cooked piece so Bertholdt and Reiner didn’t have to struggle with their silver ware.

  
Jean barely caught the sound of the door opening, the feeling of absolute dread sinking in as Angelo stepped through. He tried to pretend he wasn’t there, continuing with his task and hoping that Bertholdt and Reiner were anywhere but in the living room.

  
Angelo reeked of alcohol and sweat. He hadn’t been home since he broke Jean’s nose and his son was convinced he spent every second away drinking. With the way he stumbled into the kitchen, he might as well have been.

  
Hopefully Angelo would ignore him. Hopefully he’d drink himself to sleep and pass out on the couch. Apparently, hoping didn’t do anything.

  
“Ellie?” Angelo croaked, and this made Jean freeze. He scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. Was he.. Was he talking to Jean? “Ellie, when’d you get ‘ere?” He slurred.

Jean didn’t want to look, but he heard his dad stumbling towards him.

  
Jean’s breath left him when his dad’s arms wrapped around his body, pinning his arms to his side. “…D-dad..?” Jean stammered, every alarm in his body going off.

  
Angelo squeezed his hold. “I missed you.” He commented, his head knocking on to the back of Jean’s. His breath rushed down the smaller boy’s neck. “I missed you so much.”  
Jean completely locked up when he felt the press of his father’s mouth against his neck. It was just a split second of numb fear before panic took over him and he realized what was happening.

  
Angelo’s hands loosened around his chest and dropped to his wrists. The knife Jean had was chucked from his hand and clanked against the floor, his one line of defense too far away to help him now. “Dad stop!” Jean shouted, moving to turn his body to face him, but Angelo gripped his wrists and brought them behind Jean’s back.

  
“I knew you still loved me.” Angelo slurred, his lips pressing against Jean’s ear. He pushed Jean forward against the counter and that was when Jean effectively began to freak out.

  
This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening. His dad was _abusive_. He hit people. He hit things. He didn’t…He didn’t _rape_ people.

  
Jean struggled to free his hands, but with the weight of a full grown man pushing down on him, he could barely move. He was completely trapped.

  
Angelo pressed his hips against Jean’s rear and the panic in him increased. He felt his dad’s erection and he couldn’t find a way out of this. “Dad! It’s me! It’s Jean!” He shouted, trying desperately to kill his father’s mood.

  
Instead he found his head pushed onto the counter top, the chicken he was once cutting up getting flipped off the plate as he hit part of it. Jean thought about trying to somehow use the plate as a weapon, but he didn’t know how.

  
His dad sucked at the back of his neck, effectively bringing tears to Jean’s eyes as he realized that this was really happening. He was pinned and what was about to happen wasn’t going to be stopped by any means.

  
Levi wasn’t going to come storming in, Eren wouldn’t have any reason to be there and the kids couldn’t have done anything even if they were there.

  
Jean hoped and prayed that Bert and Reiner were elsewhere, not seeing this. “Get off of me!” He screamed, trying to throw his legs back but not succeeding. He was drunk it should’ve been easy to get him off.

  
Angelo ignored him, and Jean’s heart sank like a weight in water when his dad started yanking down his clothes. A part of him gave up right then. Of course this would happen to him, everything happened to him. He shouldn’t have even struggled in the first place. He should have just taken it and waited for it to be over.

  
He almost screamed when he felt his dad’s belt buckle scrape against his naked skin.

  
Then he realized his dad was wearing a belt. His dad would have to undo that belt. His dad was way too drunk to be able to do it with one hand.

  
Jean’s breath spiked as he waited.

  
The low flame of the slowly burning chicken on the stove next to him flickered as Jean begged for this one thing to happen the way he needed it to.

  
Then his dad did exactly what Jean hoped he would and let go of Jean’s wrists. Jean wasted absolutely no time rushing for the plate and breaking it right across his dad’s skull. His dad groaned, stumbling back a bit but he didn’t go down. The broken bits of the plate mixed with the chicken fell to the floor.

  
Angelo shook the hit off, but Jean didn’t risk letting him have a second chance. He reached for the frying pan that was on the stove and with a much stronger grip, slammed it into the side of his dad’s head.

  
Angelo went down like a sack of potatoes, the pan burning the spot on his scalp that Jean had hit.

  
Jean followed suit only after he knew he was safe. He fell to the kitchen floor, dropping the pan and slapping a hand to his mouth. He didn’t even notice how hard he was shaking or how much he was already crying.

  
He only took a few beats to try and recover but immediately forced himself numb when he remembered the kids. His dad.. His dad had just tried to.. What if he tried to with the kids? What if that was his next hidden demon?

  
Jean bolted up and rushed for the kids. If he ever needed a push to leave, that was exactly it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry sorry for such a long wait in the update;; my life has been so hectic lately, I just haven't had the time to post it. ;a;


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //sorry sorRY SORRY!! _:(´□`」 ∠):_ life has been so hectic I completely forgot to post updates on this fic.... If you're still sticking with me so far bLESS YOU AND AGAIN SORRY SORRY

Trusting your instincts was one of the most important things Levi had been taught when he trained in the academy. Always listen to your gut if you aren’t sure where to start.

  
He learned to use his gut feeling to lead him and intellect for his quick decision making.  
Levi knew as soon as he pulled up to Jean’s house that something wasn’t right. He killed the engine and left the few things he purchased in the car. Mike hopped out with him, rushing for the entrance ahead of Levi.

  
The door was unlocked, a definite sign that something was wrong. Levi pushed the door open and quietly stepped inside, immediately looking for something to give him any kind of clue as to what could’ve happened.

  
He scanned the living room, but turned his head towards the kitchen the instant Mike trotted that way. The dog was sniffing at the ground, circling around as he began to pick up on something.

  
Levi looked around him. He didn’t like what he saw. There were bits of chicken-clearly dried out and bad-all over the floor. A shattered plate littered the area around the food and a frying pan laid at Mike’s mercy.  
Levi took a deep breath as he tried to think clearly. It was the result of some kind of struggle, he could tell that much. By the looks of the chicken, it happened at least a few days ago.

  
Mike sniffed at the ground, following a trail that led him out of the kitchen and down the hall. Levi stood in the center of the kitchen, hoping that his gut was wrong. The last time he had a feeling this bad, he ended up staring down at Eleanor’s corpse.

  
A bark snapped Levi’s attention away from the scene in front of him. Mike found something, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to see what it was. He took a moment to get a grip on his composure and then headed towards where the german shepard had run off to.

  
Mike was scratching at Angelo’s door.

  
Levi really didn’t like this.

  
He reached towards his hip, keeping his finger on the latch to his holster, ready to draw his gun out at any given moment. Levi took a steady hand and opened the door, letting it slowly reveal what Mike was trying to show him.

  
“Jesus--” He gasped, his body tensing up at the sight before him. He brought a hand to his mouth and then turned on his heel and ran for his car. Mike followed after him, his body on full alert.

  
Levi pulled open his door and reached for the radio, taking in a deep breath. “Levi Ackerman, 592.”

  
He waited a moment and listened to static. Just before he was about to repeat himself, a woman’s voice he didn’t recognize came through.

  
“10-2, Go ahead.”

  
“I’ve got a possible 10-56, with a pistol being choice of method. 10-57 of 4, break.”

  
“Go ahead.”

  
“Looked to be a domestic issue, confirmed 10-45D by a few days, requesting a coroner.”

  
“Request received, stand by.”

  
Levi dropped his head down, letting out a huff of air. He pulled himself upright into his seat and waited, trying desperately to focus on the fact that Angelo had blown his brains out over where the hell Jean and the kids were. He knew if he started to think about where they were, he was going to panic. His heart was already starting to pound just at the idea of where they could’ve gone.

  
“What’s your location?”

  
Levi brought the radio closer to him, listing off Jean’s address and hoping no one listening understood just what that meant specifically.

  
“Stand by for back up.”

  
“Copy.”

  
Levi clipped the radio back on it’s holster and leaned back in his seat. His mind was starting to race, his heart quickening with each memory that flashed through his brain.

  
He blinked and for a moment all he could see was Eleanor’s body limp in the driver seat of Farlan’s vehicle. Her face was barely recognizable from the blood that covered it, her skull cracked open.

* * *

 

“Levi? Levi, what’re your orders?” Levi was entirely numb at that moment, his head ringing even though there was nothing but silence. It was pouring out, the echoing of each rain drop muting the frantic words of his partner at the time. A hand came down on his shoulder and shook him, spinning the world back into place for him. “Levi!”

  
“Eleanor…” He mumbled. Levi tore his eyes away from the corpse in front of him and turned to the girl beside him. She was staring up at him with a kind of panic that he hadn’t seen in a long time on her face. “Isabel, Farlan was supposed to be with her…”

  
“Do you want me to radio in? We can get a search party out here and have a coroner come remove the body.” Isabel seemed to have a clearer head than Levi did at that moment.

  
He turned back to Eleanor’s dead body and looked around the car. The last he had heard from Farlan was the previous night. He mentioned taking his mom out for a dinner, or a movie, something to get her out of the retirement home for a while. Levi hadn’t thought twice about why Farlan didn’t give him any updates on how the night had gone. He wasn’t concerned in the least about whether or not they had gotten home okay because they had _always_ gotten home okay. Farlan was a registered nurse for christ’s sake, he’d know when it was a good time to take Eleanor out or not.

  
Isabel didn’t wait any longer for Levi’s input and instead ran back towards their car, radioing in.

  
Nothing was making sense to the man anymore. Eleanor was by herself in Farlan’s car. She was driving with a revoked license. She wasn’t allowed out of her apartment without someone signing her out and the last person to have done that would have to of been Farlan.

  
But Farlan wasn’t _here_.

  
And Eleanor was _dead_.

  
Levi’s detective instincts started to come back to him, stomping his nerves out and clearing all panic out of his mind so he could focus. The airbags had released like they should have and yet Eleanor had some how still managed to split her face open. She looked to have died from head trauma or blood loss, a combination of the two most likely.

  
His eyes moved from Eleanor’s body to the seat beside her. Taking a flashlight and shining it into the dark vehicle, he could see blood against the seat, most likely where Farlan would have been sitting. It wasn’t a lot, but enough to warrant help.

  
Farlan would’ve known that, but he would’ve known what to do if it was something he could take care of.

  
Isabel came back to Levi’s side finally, having thrown a rain poncho on as if it could shield her any from the pouring rain. “They’re going to be sending out a team. Boss wanted us to wait for the weather to clear up to gather a search party. He gave us the okay to start looking.”

  
“Isabel, where’s the nearest hospital from here?”

  
She blinked and shook her head trying to think. “Probably the Urgent Care Center just off main street. You think Farlan might have gone there?”

  
Levi thought for a moment but shook his head. “No…I think Eleanor must’ve still been alive when he left. He would’ve called someone if she died on impact…”

  
Isabel stared at him trying to follow her partner’s train of thought. “You think he was in a hurry?”

  
“Yeah,” He nodded. “He would’ve gone somewhere close with a first aid kit, or anything that he could get creative with to help her.”

  
Isabel looked into the car, wincing as she stared at the cracked open skull. “You really think he woulda been creative enough to fix a split face?”

  
“...No.” Levi replied. He stepped away from the car and looked at Isabel, her bright green eyes waiting for some kind of instruction from him. “Let’s start looking West.”

* * *

“After everything I’ve given to you, and done for you, you continue to give me reason after reason to not trust you.”

  
A door was slammed, Marco flinching with how it seemed to shake the entire house. His dad was red in the face, the same way he’d been for the past few days. He was like a ticking time bomb, occasionally letting off some steam on him, but only now finally exploding.

  
“This Hitch you’ve been seeing has just been some _boy_?!”

  
Marco kept his head down, hoping to just brace his fury and get through it, but his Dad wasn’t planning on doing that. Liam stared down at his son, getting angrier with each passing second.

  
“If you don’t tell me who the fuck he is right now, I’ll find out my own way, and I do _not_ think you want me doing that.”

  
Marco’s eyes snapped upwards, his heart jumping to the threat. “Hitch I-isn’t a boy!”

  
“Then who the fuck is the boy!?”

  
“No one! Nothing happened!”

  
Liam took in a deep breath, but he didn’t look any calmer. His voice dropped down, words spit through a clenched jaw. “You just smoked pot in the back of your car with a complete fucking _stranger_?” Marco ran his hands over his face, swearing that he was close to his breaking point. He just wanted his dad to leave him alone so he could curl up into a ball and pretend he didn’t exist. A very tense silence sank in between the two. Liam shook his head. “You better hope I don’t find out that boy’s name.”

  
“Why? Or you’ll kill him like you did those other people?” Marco snapped.

  
Liam didn’t say anything. Marco brought his eyes up to his father’s expecting a fist to be coming his way but there was something much more terrifying about his father now than he just was a moment ago.

  
“Yes.” Liam responded. “That’s exactly what I’ll do. And I’ll continue to do that to any boy that ever lays a finger on you again.”

  
All the color drained from Marco’s face, eyes staring wildly at his father. He was trying desperately to find a joke in his words but everything his father said, he wholeheartedly meant. His bottom lip started to quiver as Liam moved towards his bedroom door. “I would get really comfy in this room. I’ll be damned if I let you step outs--”

  
His words were cut off by a loud and rapid banging on the front door. The two both looked out into the hallway, like they didn’t believe they heard that. The doorbell rang multiple times, follow by more knocking.

  
Liam shot a threatening look to Marco and then stepped out of his room to go and answer.

  
Marco didn’t realize he’d been holding his breath until his dad left. He started shaking, immediately looking for his phone to get in touch with Hitch. He didn’t even know what to say to her. Marco could barely focus on searching when all he could think about was the possibility he might have just sentenced Jean to his death.

  
Shouting started from the door, ripping Marco’s attention away from his search.

  
“This isn’t about your fucking case! It has nothing to do with you!”

  
“You have absolutely no right to even be on my doorste-”

  
“- _MARCO_!-”

  
Marco tensed, inching his way towards his bedroom door. He recognized that voice.

  
“Marco isn’t going anywhere with you-”

  
“MARCO PLEASE! JEAN’S GONE-”

  
“Who in the hell is--”

  
Marco’s heart sped up. He found himself rushing for the stairs, all fear of his father pushed on a back burner at the mention of Jean’s name. When he stepped down the stairs, he caught eyes with the cop that had just unleashed a new hell for him a few days ago.

  
Levi never looked so relieved to see him.

  
Marco purposely avoided standing near his dad, circling carefully around towards where Levi stood. “Wh-what do you mean?”

  
Levi took in a breath as he completely disregarded Liam’s presence. “Jean’s gone--He’s missing, I can’t find him anywhere.” He shook his head, struggling with his words for just a moment. “I can’t go into details but you hung out with him, you know where he goes, I don’t.”

  
Marco stared at Levi for a moment, the tension from his father's threats still clinging on to him. His mouth moved as he stared at the cop before him, trying to find any lies in his words. He couldn't. And perhaps he could blame his mother for inheriting the ability to so easily find the good in any person he met.

 

Marco blinked, barely peeking over his shoulder towards his father before moving towards the door and reaching for his shoes. Liam instantly snapped towards him. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?!”

  
He seized up like a spell was cast, the venom in his fathers voice locking him up completely. With the bloodlust in Liam's voice from early, he was scared of what his dad might do if he left. His eyes looked from his dad to Levi.

  
“Marco, nothing’s going to happen to you if you come with me.” Levi assured him. He recognized that hesitation instantly from all his experience with Jean and his family. Locking eyes with Marco, he saw he only needed that extra push. "It's my job to protect you."

 

Like Levi was hoping, Marco moved for the door once again.

  
Liam was furious, looking for any reason he could to keep Marco from leaving. Marco slipped on his shoes and then grabbed a jacket off the coat rack beside the door.

  
“If you leave, you know exactly who I’m going to send to come and drag you home.” Liam threatened.

  
Marco froze his movements, knowing exactly what that threat meant. He looked down at the jacket in his hands, his stomach twisting into a tight knot.

  _Your dad’s a fucking moron_.

  
Marco bit his lip, Jean’s voice ringing in his head. He missed it. He missed his brash attitude and lack of care for anything around him. He missed how irritatingly blunt he would be at times.

  
His chocolate eyes looked up at his dad, wondering what Jean would do in a situation like this. Jean’s life was in danger if Marco left or not. At this point it came to how much he cared about his own life.

  
Thinking over the bits of his life he had shared with Jean and the way it was now, it seemed like he never really once cared about his own life. It was all under his dad’s control and Marco had just become used to it. If he stayed, it’d be the same thing. He was just living for his father’s sake, not for himself.

  
Marco’s jaw clenched tightly, throwing the jacket on and locking eyes with his father. Not a single word left his mouth, the stare he gave his father saying all it needed to.

  
Levi turned for the door, holding it open for the kid and stepping out after him, rushing him into the car as quickly as he could. Marco pulled the passenger door open and climbed inside, his nerves frayed as he thought about what he just did.

  
He still felt sick to his stomach but at least it was over something that he did and not his father.

 

 


End file.
